(Closed) So very lost… thoughts welcomed :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It seems to me that you are practicing polygamy, but is that what you really want?  I think if you want to practice monogamy you have to choose and seemingly the choice is this other woman.

I think your Boy was not thinking that you would fall in love with someone when he encouraged you to explore, he wasn’t expecting you to start a relationship but to just mess around.

Post # 5
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

:”( This is no different then if I went to my husband and said I was in love with someone else. I would fully expect him to leave me.

I’m sorry, I hit “submit” too soon. If you love them both, it’s not a fair to him who I’m pretty sure entered marriage thinking it would be monogomous?

I am sorry for your situation, but please decide on one or the other. I mean, that’s what I would do and feel was right. Hugs.

Post # 8
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@mbf123:

This must be crazy difficult for you. And yes, I was going to say “he hasn’t left because you have been together for so long and he must really love you. He is also not threatened by another man. He is possibly even more hurt than threatened.”

Soul search. Do a lot of it. And let one of them go. Hugs again.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have friends (more acquaintances) that live as a threesome. A man and two women. They’re all very happy together. I’ve never asked for particular details of who’s with whom and when, but from what I gather, they’re all with each other and happy. Does your Darling Husband have any romantic inclinations towards your other partner?

Post # 10
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

How does your female companion feel about all this?

Post # 11
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@MrsPinkPeony: I was just going to ask that.

Three people CAN be in a perfectly healthy, happy relationship. This doesn’t have to be confusing. If the three of you are good together, let it be. Perhaps what your husband needs is reassurance that you do still love him and want to be with him (if that is the case). Bottom line as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t have to be one or the other as long as the three of you are happy, communicating effectively and respectfully, and paying attention to each others’ needs.

Post # 13
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

@mbf123: I have a friend who is currently in a very similar situation. She and her Darling Husband are currently in counseling. I try not to pry, so I only really know her side of what she volunteers, but it seems like it’s helping them sort it out and giving her Darling Husband a chance to voice his concerns and feelings ina neutral environment with a mediator. I usually don’t suggest counseling because I feel that this board is quick to jump to it as a cure all, but in your situation I feel like having that mediation really might help. Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think having a “family meeting” is in order ASAP.  Before she moves in, you all need to be very open with each other on what the expectations are with that situation.  Do you get alternating days?  Are you spending the night with your husband but playing with your gal during the day?  Are you going to be open with the lady, go on dates, etc?  I think having her live with you both, after talking about it, will be a positive thing.  You need to try living together to see if it’s something that’s feasible.  If not, and one or more of your partners is getting hurt, then it will be time to choose.  Maybe during your talk, set a time in about 3 months to discuss again and re-evaluate the situation.  

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

So if your Darling Husband and your Girlfriend aren’t wanting to get involved with each other, you’re looking at a polyamorous relationship. I’m sure if you do a little google searching you may find some support groups and forums that could offer more in-depth advice based on their experiences.

I also agree that you need to have a serious set of ground rules before you all move in together. You may also want to pursue counselling for all of you to help sort out what’s going on.

The topic ‘So very lost… thoughts welcomed :(’ is closed to new replies.

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