(Closed) So very lost… thoughts welcomed :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think the most loving thing you could do for your husband is to divorce him and give him the chance to find what you found.  It won’t be easy and you will miss him, but I also think it’s selfish to keep him hanging on to you (as he still obviously really cares for you).

 

Post # 4
Member
9 posts
Newbee

@mbf123:

mbf123 change your name to n_a_mess. You are in a tough situation….kind of. If youre not in love with him than maybe the marriage is falling apart. The fact that you may not even be interested in men period means it’s over. I think we all have grown up with the idea that when you marry someone you need to stick with them forever. Really,it’s a lovely idea but some people change and grow. It’s almost unfair to your husband. It sounds like he’s just a roomie, maybe that’s all he should be. I married myself for other reasons than love and after awhile things became bitter, almost resentful. Be true to him and be true to yourself, dont hang on to something that isn’t there. Just make sure that you are really and truly in love with HER not the excitement of having a “side piece”.

Post # 5
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have to agree with PP’s .. let your husband go and give him the chance to find the love that you have with your “partner”. If he’s been this amicable and understanding throughout, I am POSITIVE you will both be able to remain friends, or at least aquaintances.

Best of Luck to you, it seems as if a sticky situation, and honestly — I’m glad it’s not me.

Post # 6
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

this is a sticky situation, but i think you said it very clearly when you said “She is amazing. Completes me in every way. She is my best friend, my lover, my support. Everything. He knows about her and my relationship. I know he regretted letting me explore after a little while, but there was no way I could give her up.” – its clear that your relationship with her is both fulfilling and satisfying for you, and i think you need to be honest with yourself about your feelings

at this point, you are carrying on two complete relationships, which isnt fair to either your husband or your gf.  from the sounds of your post, it seems like you have already made the decision, and just have to take the steps to put it into action – my advice would be to sit down, talk it over with your husband, and then look towards the option of divorce so that he has the opportunity to find what you have found, accidentally

Post # 7
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you need to really look deep into yourself and decide which relationship is the one that fulfills you more. I think it’s truely great you are so upfront with everyone so no one is in the dark and you clearly have and amazing guy who is willing to support whatever will make you happy. I have known couples that relationships of this sort have worked happily for awhile, although they ususally didn’t last. I’m sure there are situations when the relationships have lasted and I am strong believer in that when all involved are adults and given the opportunity to make their own decisions which make them happy, it’s up to them and not for others to judge.

Sadly, from the situation you described it doesn’t sound as though your guy is truely happy. I could be wrong, and that’s for you and him to decide. It sounds as though he is being supportive in hopes that will keep from leaving. He clearly loves you and wants to see you happy. If you think you would be happier with the women then I agree with the poster above me who said you should let him go so he can find that same happiness you have.

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