(Closed) So. . . virginity. Did you/will you give it to your FI/DH/SO, or someone else?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Did you lose your virginity to your FI/SO/DH?
    Yes! : (199 votes)
    35 %
    No- lost it to an ex- "true love"/ex-FI/ex-H : (104 votes)
    19 %
    No, lost it to someone else : (229 votes)
    41 %
    I'm waiting for the wedding night : (29 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Yes, I gave my virginity to my SO, but it was just a matter of luck really. I was lucky that the love of my life was also my high school sweetheart. If that haven’t been the case, I would hope that I would have saved it for someone special, a serious relationship and where we loved each other, even if it didn’t end in marriage. We didn’t wait until marriage, but we were each other’s first partner which I think is very special and means a lot to me.

    Post # 4
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I wasn’t waiting for “the one,” though I did hold out somewhat for it to be special and feel like the right moment. It just happened to be that I lost it to my FH. We were young, in love, and it felt right. No regrets! We’ve been together almost seven years (though, we’ve known each other for longer), and now we’re going to be getting married.

    Post # 5
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Both Darling Husband and I waited for the wedding night. This is typical in our families, but I agree that it is a pretty foreign concept these days.

    Post # 6
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    No, and I am so glad that I didn’t.  I had some rough times in college after breaking up with my first, but everything I have been through makes me appreciate what I have now!  And, quite frankly, I will never wonder what else is out there, having been around the block- I got partied out and singled out (had enough of both!) and I am glad!

    Post # 7
    1090 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I lost it to my now Fiance. We weren’t even dating when it happened lol In my defense we had known each other for 3 years when it happened and we started dating a day later. I’m a very practical person, and I always knew that I wanted my first to be with someone that I loved and it was.

    Post # 8
    1357 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I voted yes, though it’s a little complicated. Darling Husband and I started dating in high school. I grew up with him, as he was one of my brother’s best friends. I lost my virginity to him because we loved each other, felt ready to make that commitment, knew how to be safe, and knew we were ready.

    Then in college, we realized we’d never had the chance to date other people and had started growing apart (it’s easy to take a good relationship for granted if you’ve got nothing to compare it to). We broke up for a semester, long enough to date other people and realize what we’d had in each other. We got back together, and another 4-5 years down the road, we got engaged.

    So I lost my virginity to Darling Husband, but he hasn’t been my only one. I wouldn’t have it any other way because I won’t ever take him for granted, but I feel glad knowing that my first time was with someone I trusted and loved then, and still do now. 

    Post # 9
    4047 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    My Fiance is my first, but it’s not like I only intended to be with one person. It just happened that way. No complaints either way!

    Post # 10
    2755 posts
    Sugar bee

    I lost my virginity at 21 to my ex-FI. I didn’t plan on marrying him at the time – I was waiting for the right person to be with. I had several partners between him and my current SO, who I think *is* going to be the man I marry. So no, I didn’t wait and I’m pretty happy with that decision. I’m actually MORE happy that I was able to experiment and explore my sexuality between my failed engagement and finding my SO – I feel way more confident about myself and wouldn’t take back those experiences.

    Post # 11
    945 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    No. I lost mine to my high school boyfriend. We broke up shortly after, but I don’t regret it at all. I didn’t meet my Fiance for another 7 years. I had a lot of different relationships before I met my Fiance and I wouldn’t trade those for anything. I learned so much about myself and what I want in a partner. Personally, I think having more than one partner is important.

    Post # 12
    2755 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’ll also add that I really think the whole purity/saving yourself schtick has been a myth for longer than we think – my own grandparents I’ve recently discovered didn’t wait til marriage, and they’re a couple I always thought played everything by the book. I’ve also been doing a lot of reading on the history of sexuality, prostitution, etc. and things just weren’t as innocent “yesteryear” as we’d like to paint them up to be ๐Ÿ˜›


    Post # 13
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I lost mine to Darling Husband. I didn’t plan it that way.. it was just chance. We started dating when I was 15, and I honestly didn’t put too much importance on my virginity in my teens. We just happened to be perfect for each other and I never felt the need to be with anyone else. I’m glad everything happened the way it did! 

    Post # 15
    1152 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m a save-it-until-marriage girl. One of the few! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 16
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @MissCalifornia: Great post.  “Saving oneself” became fashionable during the 1800s… primarily due to societal issues of the time… this is WHY they are called Victorian Values (and have roots in the “Puritan movement” 200 years earlier… which in itself was rooted in the role of the Church in Britian)


    And so these Victorian Values, were passed onto “the colonies” and worldwide.  To the point where today, many just assume that what we’ve seemed to know forever (now over 150 years) is the way things always have been… be that in society / or the church.

    Nothing could be further from the truth… in reality, prior to the Victorian Period and outside of the reach of the Church of England (and the churches that sprung forth from that here in North America)… life was very different

    As well, there have ALWAYS been those who grew up with these Victorian / Puritan Values (view of the world) who have found the whole thing “difficult to live up to” (be that back in the 1800s or now in the 21st Century).

    So ya, there has always been a whole lot of sex going on between young lovers, just that it wasn’t something that was spoken about (another hold off from the Victorian era… Social Etiquette, and what does and doesn’t count as “social conversation”… and SEX is certainly a taboo subject).

    There were of course various times in history during this 150 year span, when of course sexuality with the youth of the time moved more into the forefront… where it was pretty well known that young folks were having sex… but again it was a hush-hush topic.  The most prominent of which were the 1920s (flapper years) and the 1940s (WWII and people going off to war)

    And in both cases, the apparent surge in sexuality seem to have been caused by changes in the role of women, and the availability of better birth control.

    It wasn’t truly until the 1960s tho sexuality and youth became front and centre (The Sexual Revolution) with the availability of The Pill, the most effective form of birth control to date

    Since then the sexual revolution has each decade moved forward with new challenges / and old guard ideas following.

    I myself, being over 50… the primary focus of the 1970s, was the idea that women could go out and “sow their oats” before marriage… and NOT BE JUDGED / labeled for it (slut)…  in the same way that society had accepted men doing this for several decades by that point in time.

    Having come thru the sexual revolution myself, I am a BIG proponent of getting the truth about sexuality out to women… 

    Because sadly a lot of what people believe today to be “based in the church” just isn’t true… a great deal of it is merely leftovers from Social Norms that were set down by the men in power… be they in the Catholic Church / Church of England or those of the Victorian Era (be that Government or the Upper Classes)… and these views were written down, and now sadly by many are the accepted truths.

    Which quite honestly, is WHY I am no longer a big fan of organized religion (churches)… because a lot of what Congregations are told as absolute truths set down by God / Bible are actually just “social norms” that were man-made in any particular period of history.

    — — —

    EDIT TO ADD – And yes, I’ve come to realize that there are indeed many people in my own family (lol, those same folks who were so adament about my own sexuality when I was growing up as a teen / young woman) in reality had sex themselves before marriage.  This is certainly true for my own Parents, who were in their 20s in the 1940s.

    What I have come to realize as I myself have had children and raised them, that I too passed along some of these same values… but more than anything, it was because I was a loving Parent and didn’t want to see my children emotionally hurt or in a compromised situation at a young age (sexually exploited).

    When all is said and done, I don’t think virginity really matters that much.  It is certainly best when given up to someone you love at an age when you are mature enough to handle the situation… but 10, 20, 30, 40 or more years down the road, looking back it really isn’t that big a deal… it is just another milestone in one’s life development like learning to walk, talk, ride a bike etc.

    And this is certainly more apparent, when you get older and discover, that life isn’t perfect.  Life deals you cards that you have no control over.  Take my elderly father… I know for a fact that altho at one time he may have thought that he’d have a devoted sex life to one women is whole life, in reality things didn’t work out that way for him.  My Parents divorced, he dated and got engaged, that person died, and he dated and married again.  So I’m guessing that even he has had a minimum of 3 Lovers in his life.  Not from “straying” but rather from the fact that he is a man who needs love in his life, just as we all do.  Interestingly, after my own Divorce and thru my subsequent dating period, and being with Mr TTR, he has never flinched once at my sexuality… and I attribute this to the fact that I have grown up (so he doesn’t worry about me the same as when I was a teen / younger woman)… but so has he.  His views on sexuality have changed, BECAUSE of the cards that life dealt him.


    The topic ‘So. . . virginity. Did you/will you give it to your FI/DH/SO, or someone else?’ is closed to new replies.

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