(Closed) SO wants me to move in

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

If what you really want is to get married, you can tell your Boyfriend or Best Friend that you wouln’t feel comfortable moving in without a proposal.  On the other hand, if you’re waiting for a proposal just to appease your parents…well, I can hear from your post that their disapproval isn’t the only factorl.  You’re right you can cherish your time with them for now.  And especially if it’s important for you to get married perhaps waiting for a proposal is the most practical.  Some girls life with their guys indefinitely, and some end up moving out becuase he never proposes.  I think it’s risky to move in without being engaged but that is just my boundary and it’s a very personal decision for each person.

Post # 4
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

And saying “I don’t feel comfortable moving in with someone unless we’re engaged” isn’t pestering, by the way. It’s a reasonable boundary to set. 

Post # 5
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree it would be up to you. For me I had my mind maid up that I wanted to be engaged before we moved in together. I was in waiting for a while; but That’s what I wanted. I wanted to get married & start my life. I didn’t just want to move in with my Boyfriend or Best Friend. My parents would have also felt weird if I would have wanted to move out before I was married. But they were okay with the engagement. Getting married and starting my life was my main motive to moving out. Not just moving out.

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

What do you want? Are you comfortable living with someone before that commitment?

I was very much in your situation and I always told Fiance that I never wanted to be his maybe that he could try out and would not move in with him until we were at least engaged. And then we got engaged and decided we wanted to buy a house so I ended up staying home to save money.

You have to do what makes you happy and I guess just understand what the consequences will be. Will your parents just be upset and eventually get over it? Would they pay for your wedding and this would no longer be an option if you move out before you are married?

Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Post # 7
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

May I ask your age? 

The ‘engaged before moving in’ was always my credo.  Then I hit my 30’s, had some troubles in my life and needed to move home to get grounded.  While I wasn’t thrilled w/the idea of moving home and in with my parents again, it was the best thing.  Then I met my Fiance a few years later.  And he asked me to move in before we were engaged.  I’m so glad he did and I threw that credo right out the window.  But you know what I do now?  I go back to my parent’s once a week…each Wednesday to hang out with them and just have some peace of my own.  I love it.  Maybe you might consider this?

Post # 8
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I believe jo lee’s man already has the ring…so it really wouldn’t be that long of a wait, right?

If it’s a short wait, he has the ring, and it would save a lot of headache to wait for the engagement I say wait. It could even motivate him to propose if you want a proposal before moving in. Let his desire to live with you be his motivation for proposing ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Lol! Thanks hon ๐Ÿ™‚

I understand your parent’s position, I just know you can’t impose your values on your kids 100% of the time.  Try not to take it personally if they feel like failures, that is their issue. Maybe try to take thinking about them out of the equation and look at it from this perspective:

You’re young, you’ve got nothing to lose by waiting a bit longer for the proposal (it will light a fire under his butt if he really wants to live together, as I mentioned before)

…..and you can SAVE $$$!!!  Really, you just graduated. If you can save money by living at home for a bit, by all means do it.  Especially if you do enjoy their company, and you’re bonding.  There are a lot of people out there who don’t have that kind of relationship with their parents.

And you’ll need that extra money for starting a new life and maybe helping to pay for the wedding ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

Post # 11
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I was so excited to move in with FH that despite my parents apprehension I did it. We would have been really close still, but there was a mix of not wanting to be at my parents house and simply wanting to be with him. Looking back I wish I would have stayed with my parents a little longer, simply because you can save SO MUCH MONEY. There was no fallout or anything bad as a result of me moving but I do think about the money I spend on sharing rent and how it could be going to the wedding or a house instead…

Post # 12
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just tell him how you feel and wait it out. It’s not like you have to decide to sign another lease and will be stuck in it for a year. You have an ideal situation since you live close to him but don’t have to move in with him.

Enjoy the time with your parents – especially since you don’t feel comfortable. You’ll have the rest of your life to live with him so I wouldn’t jump the gun and create additional tension with your parents for no reason.

Post # 13
Member
2308 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If I were you I’d wait till getting engaged before moving in. Its seems like the ring’s right round the corner and it would appease your parents.

I’d kill two birds if I could even if it means waiting a little while.

Post # 14
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you were 100% for moving in and were not worried at all, I would say go for it. You seem a little hesitant, though, so I would suggest just living with your parents for a bit longer as it seems like your boyfriend will propose soon. I mean, he has the ring!! If your parents would feel that much better about it and you don’t mind, just wait. ๐Ÿ™‚

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