Post # 1
Hello Bees! Finally made an account after lurking for months.
I need some advice… my SO and I have been talking about marriage for the past 8 months and I believe he is going to propose sometime withing the next month. However, thus morning while he was in the shower he recieved a message and I checked it. it was a friend of his congratulating him for deciding to pop the question but the conversation really flustered me. It went something like
Friend: Hey man whats up? Hows the gf?
SO: Not much, she really wants to get married.
Friend: Are you going to lock that down?
SO: yeah probably within the next month.
Am I looking too far into it in thinking that that means he wants to get married for me? He’s already backed out of proposing in the past. I just feel like it’s something we should both want…
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
You’re reading too much into it. If you guys have been discussing getting married and he told his friend he’s likely gonna propose soon, there’s a good chance it’s because he wants to marry you.
Post # 3
Yeah, I think it’s “guy-speak” — unless you’ve been hounding him to get married — and if you have been pushing him to do it – he may feel “oh well…might as well do it now” — but if you haven’t and it’s been a mutual type discussion – then it may just be “guy speak”…
Post # 4
Believe me, there are plenty of men who won’t propose, even if they know their SOs really, really want to be married. I think a lot of men are happy to continue on without being married. But unless you have threatened him or given him an ultimatum or something else menacing, I think it is fine if he is proposing because he wants you and you want marriage. If he is going to propose, why search for a reason to be unhappy with it? Even if he is proposing and getting married “for you”, isn’t that enough? He wants you to be with him forever, and he knows that marriage is probably the only way to achieve that. Why is that bad?
Post # 5
I dont feel like Ive been hounding. I guess Im just hesitant to accept that he will do it this time. The last time he was going to propose he bought the ring and then took it back. We had a long discussion about how he wasnt ready and he told me to give him until May… so I have. He is always talking about our future children/house/finances… but he was doing that before as well.
Post # 6
It’s not that it wouldnt be enough. I would be absolutely over the moon if he proposed. I just dont want it to be a one sided commitment if that makes sense?
Post # 7
I’m inclined to agree about the guy speak. No guy is going to tell another guy how he really feels about his SO unless he’s drunk. Really drunk.
Post # 8
guys dont get married unless they really love you and want to spend their lives with you. They don’t get all excited about their special day the way some girls do, to the point of losing sight of what marriage is about. Also, men just speak that way to each other. It’s some sort of weird language most of us girls view as really harsh. its a part of their gender that starts young like a small boy pulling the hair of the first girl he likes. Guys show their emotions by insulting each other and pretending that they in fact, don’t have emotions.
Post # 9
he said he’s going to lock you down, probably “within the next month.” I’m not sure if that means May or June.
that means he loves you. Just because it’s taken him a little longer to feel ready to commit to you for the rest of his life doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to marry you. Marriage is a big deal (:
don’t obsess. Enjoy the end of spring and see what happens, if he doesn’t propose by July 1st, reevaluate perhaps, but it isn’t the end of the world.
Post # 10
Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. And congrats!
Post # 11
why are you checking his messages to begin with? Seeing a message that pops up is one thing but you clearly checked his phone to get that much. Seems a bit dishonest to me. Sorry. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this?
Post # 12
no it’s not just you. I thought it was weird too.
Post # 13
Welcome to the Bee 🙂 Please know that giving you an honest opinion is not meant to make you feel unwelcome here but to hopefully help- and I have to agree with BrynRyley & BlushingHoneybee. Why are you checking his phone messages in the first place? It would really bother me if my SO went through my phone messages while I was in the shower- and I honestly have nothing to hide, it would just seem like an invasion of my privacy. And I wouldn’t check out his messages either.
What if his friend was texting him something personal about himself? Imagine if one of your friends texted you somehing personal “My period is late and I’m scared. Can we please meet up later, I could use a friend”….she’s reaching out to you thinking that text is for your eyes only. And if your guy has been talking wedding stuff with you & you’re pretty sure it’s this month, you could be ruining his surprise by snooping. What if one of his texts read “Booked reservations at our fave restaurant – Saturday’s the big night!” He obviously doesn’t know you look at his phone or he wouldn’t be texting with his buddy about his plans.
If he finds out you check up on him this could create an issue during what should be an amazing time of your lives. Do you not trust him? Are you feeling insecure? Or are you just being anxious and excited and don’t normally do this?
On a happier note- it sounds like you’ll soon be posting an announcement in here 🙂
Post # 14
My mom doesn’t ‘believe in’ marriage, but my parents have been happily married for 26 years. They got married because it was important to my dad and she wasn’t against marriage (just doesn’t think it matters, they tend to be the reverse of stereotypical roles) so they got married. She still loves him and is glad to be together. All of that to say, so long as he loves you, it’s actually okay if he is doing it for you (in my opinion).
Post # 15
To me, it sounds like he’s trying to play it cool to his guy friend. Guys have this idea that they can’t be excited to get married, so they downplay it and say it’s all for the girl.