(Closed) SO wants to start offering boudoir/pinup sessions and I am pissed

posted 8 years ago in Photos/Videos
  • poll: If your SO was a photographer, how would you feel about him/her wanting to do pinup/boudoir sessions

    I'd be fine with him shooting boudoir and pinup photography regardless of client

    Fine with it as long as client isn't a friend or coworker

    Hell No, not ok with him doing it regardless of client

    other

  • Post # 17
    Member
    8028 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    DaneLady  Great minds think alike! haha

    Post # 18
    Member
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Nope…I would not be ok with that at all.  Not his co-workers or any other women for that matter. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    666 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think if it’s his job then that’s how he will see it. He won’t see these people as “women”, he would see them as “clients”. I work with surgeons who are married and do breast operations. I’m sure their wives aren’t angry about them looking at breasts all day, because once you’ve seen one pair, you’ve seen them all, right? He’s much more likely, as a professional photographer, to look at a boob shot and think “dammit, the lighting isn’t right in this shot”, rather than “corr, nice rack”. 

    If it will aid his photography career, then I’d say go for it. You’re not wrong for feeling a little angry, or jealous, it’s natural, but if you could get past it then it might be a good door opener for him? If you trust him 100% then there shouldn’t be an issue 🙂 

    Also, if these women are doing these kinds of shoots then they are doing them for their partners, so they are also not single? So all you have are two people in relationships carrying out a transaction. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Nope, I would not be happy about this. I would be pissed.

    Post # 21
    Member
    6003 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    @MrsOrange:  I don’t really see the issue here. If photography is what he’s aiming to do, the more he can offer the better. Budoir photos are just a type of photo. I would trust my DH enough to be proffessional about it.

    Post # 22
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    View original reply
    @canarydiamond:  this.  I agree. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    4753 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would not be OK with it, but I would also never get involved with a photographer for reasons similar to this. 

    I understand its a job and professionalism means everything. I think a real photographer should do what he/ she is good at and if nudies are what he is good at then that’s what he should do. But he would never be a partner of mine its simply a profession I cannot be on board with.

    Seeing how you’ve done risky photos yourself have you considered the fact that your photographer enjoys looking at your nude photos? (regardless of male or female)

    Post # 24
    Member
    9071 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    It’s a job. It isn’t like he is masturbating over them. Supply and demand — Women like doing these sorts of photo shoots. He can make money off it. Would you be pissed if he became a gynecologist and happened to see a coworker?

    Post # 25
    Member
    6003 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    View original reply
    @DaneLady:  this is interesting…. good point!

    Post # 26
    Member
    5656 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    The biggest issue I see here is that he’d be doing it with someone he work’s with, which I think is a bad idea. He really shouldn’t be doing it with anyone he has a relationship with outside of the actual photography.

    That being said, just beacuse he didn’t care about receiving pics in particular doens’ tmean he doesn’t want to tap into what a huge and lucrative market this is right now. And I highly doubt it has anything to do with you, or would. It’s probably wise to take a step back and look back at all the things you instantly became raging pissed about. And consider that he probably has NONE of that going through his mind. To him, he just asked a simple question most likely.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2238 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Has he ever acted in any way that would lead you to believe that he would view these pinup/boudoir sessions as anything other than work? Has he expressed any interest in his coworkers that would lead you to believe that he would use these photos for his own pleasure? If not, then it’s likely that he really just thinks of this as another type of photo shoot to add to his repertoire. The fact that he sent this via text leads me to believe he views this as just another job. 

    I can see why this bothers you, but I think a discussion about this is in order — one that doesn’t involve being pissed. If you have to draw a line in the sand about which kinds of photography you are ok with and which kinds you aren’t, go ahead and do that so that he doesn’t take on any jobs that will hurt or offend you. 

    Also, he may not have been interested in the boudoir photos you gave him, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be interested in taking these types of shoots on for work. Receiving these pictures as a gift and doing these shoots for work are different things. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    1530 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @MrsOrange:  There is a high demand for boudoir and pinup sessions – and if your SO is a professional photographer part time or full time, it is good for him to have a range of different sessions and styles in his portfolio.  I understand it being uncomfortable for you, but you have to try to keep in mind that the women are most likely going to be very shy and uncomfortable too.  If i were in your shoes, I would ask if I could join him for the boudoir shoots so I could see what was going on.  Your presence will probably make the girls more comfortable!

    Post # 29
    Member
    11515 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I personally wouldn’t be worried about it either – I like the Gyno examples up above.

    He probably should have spoken to you in person and not via text but Boudoir & pinup are big business and if he’s talented then setting up a proper home studio may be very profitable for him.  A lot of the pinup and boudoir I’ve seen are more implied nude than anything – and true pinup is actually mostly clothed – I get that’s not the point, but usually people are doing these for SO’s as well so it’s not like they’re booking planning to hook up with the photo.  Photoshoots are not sexy things. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    7641 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    It’s differnt if it his job, but honestly you are getting REALLY upset over it really fast when he hasn’t even done anything wrong.

    It doesn’t matter whether anyone feels comfortable with it except you. If you don’t, then that is between you and your husband, BUT I hope you can talk calmly about this with him because saying “I’m pissed” “I’m mad” when he hasn’t even done anything wrong yet is flying off the handle a bit prematurely. Discuss it calmly with him, outline your concerns (which I would if it were a co-worker, but that isn’t his fault), but truly hear his side of things too.

    Post # 31
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee

    Lol @ the gyno comparisons. When you’re seeing a gynecologist, you’re not posing provocatively in sexy clothing meant to turn your spouse on. One thing is not like the other.

    I trust SO, but I also wouldn’t want to him doing boudoir photo shoots. That would just make me uncomfortable. I’m not all that conservative, and he watches porn here and there, but snapping pics of real women in lingerie etc? Nah. Wouldn’t like that. He wouldn’t want me taking pics of studly dudes either, so it goes both ways.

     

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