(Closed) SO wants to start offering boudoir/pinup sessions and I am pissed

posted 6 years ago in Photos/Videos
  • poll: If your SO was a photographer, how would you feel about him/her wanting to do pinup/boudoir sessions
    I'd be fine with him shooting boudoir and pinup photography regardless of client : (166 votes)
    36 %
    Fine with it as long as client isn't a friend or coworker : (92 votes)
    20 %
    Hell No, not ok with him doing it regardless of client : (195 votes)
    43 %
    other : (5 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 77
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MrsOrange:  When you had your photoshoot was it with a male photographer? If so, was he with someone? Because if so then you need to think about that.

    Just to say that I do think that it would be wrong of your fiance to do these photoshoots – and I think out of all the photography he could do why does he have to pick boudoir?

    Post # 78
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @JellyFeet:  Me too.

     

    Its controlling his job because of insecurities. He can make money offering these sessions. Most  boudoir sessions you have to spend the whole time making it comfortable, many have never done it before. No time to oggle getting the focus, lighting, etc right. Its very much a work enviroment…

     

    My SO would never tell me I could not shoot men even if he didnt like it, its my job, I pay my bills with that income.

     

    I think the gyno thing is a perfect comparison. Its a job. Period.

     

    BridalBeckyBee It makes money. Its one of my biggest money makers over all my other portraits. Its s real tough business to make money in to begin with so limiting what you shoot will hurt the business.

     

    Post # 79
    Member
    210 posts
    Helper bee

    @eeniebeans:  Being a gynocologist is completely differant than having a man look at woman who are purposely posing in a sultry/seductive manner…

     

     

     

     I would not at all, remotely be okay with this. I’d be okay with husband being a gynocologist. It has nothing to do with trust. It’s just not at all a comfortable feeling for so many reasons.

     

     

     

    Post # 80
    Member
    7369 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Overall I wouldnt care if it was complete strangers, but I do understand if its a coworker or friend I’d probably intially feel awkward. A photograher isnt looking at a beautiful sexy woman hes looking at client focusing on the lighting and thousand other factors.  Ultimately, its his job and that market is high paying. but what I think doesnt matter.

     

    Post # 81
    Member
    2837 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @MrsOrange:  I know this is going to sound weird- but for starters, I guess I’d want to know who, between Fiance and his co-worker/potential photo client- brought up the photo shoot? Was it the client- who knew your Darling Husband was into photography and she thought she might not be charged as much?  Or did DH offer to do a pin-up session.

    I guess that’s part of where I would start.  Maybe I think differently that others.

    If he has offered his photography services to his co-workers, I’m sure they assume that he is a professional- or at least acts like one.  In this case, if she just asked if he would do it, because she wanted to give pics to her SO/DH- I don’t know that I would be that annoyed.  Or maybe I would LOL- I guess I honestly don’t know.

     

    If he makes good money off of these sessions, I would look at this like a complete business transaction.    Or, as strange as this sounds- is there anyway you can be the assistant for the photo shoot?  If she’s totally cool with your hubby seeing her naked, I don’t know why she couldn’t handle another female in the room?  Maybe just witnessing a photo shoot will put the general idea at ease with you?

     

    I do understand where you are coming from, OP- but I’m also trying to think outside the box- like maybe once you see it in action, it might be like “ehhhh whatever” for you LOL

    Post # 82
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @Sporty-Bee:  Such good advice.

    I think to protect his business and reputation he should have someone else there, too. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    It’s making you upset, so it needs to be talked about. Would you be okay if he were to offer it to people he didn’t know? I am a bit conflicted because you said you encouraged him to quit his job to pursue photog. Boudoir pics are good money makers, and if he and the client are professional, I would see no reason to worry.As PPs have mentioned, he’s not going to be looking at these being turned on. It’s work. There will be endless hours of touching up these photos, trying to make them look perfect, etc. It’s a job, not him sneaking around taking naked pictures to put on his phone and fantasize about. 

    Maybe you can have him do a boudoir session with YOU to see how he would act. Tell him to treat you as you would any client. Perhaps in the beginning, he can have you as a styling assistant, so you can be there to see how it feels. 

    Post # 84
    Member
    4697 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MrsOrange:  Hmm interesting. I’m not sure I’d be totally cool with full nudity, especially the idea of it being a coworker. But at the end of the day, if this is going to be his job, he should be professional enough to not cross any lines. I think no matter what anyone says, if you’re uncomfortable, it’s valid to bring your concerns to him and have a discussion. 

    Post # 85
    Member
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    So if your husband was an OBGYN would you flip your shit if anyone he knew personally used him as their provider? I thought this was a joke at first, I can’t imagine being upset about this. 

    Post # 86
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @mixtapehearts:  If he were a photographer and decided to do some OBGYN work on the side, would that be okay?  😉  Photography isn’t his profession so I don’t understand the comparison.  

     

    Post # 87
    Member
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @jjmomma:  He’s attempting to make it his profession and yes photography is a valid profession. Maybe because I am a photographer myself I can’t see this situation how others are, but to me this is mind blowingly absurd. Like on another level. I don’t look at anyone I photograph EVER, no matter who/what/when/why/how, in any other way as a subject. It’s my job. I’m not like ” Oh he’s hot, look at this ass” none of that. Like an artist sketching someone nude- they are focusing on doing their job and doing it well, not oogling someone’s goodies. If I were her husband I probably would have mentioned it over text too because I wouldn’t see what the big deal is. And I be pretty furious that at her reaction. If he wants to go out and bone a co worker he doesn’t need photography as an excuse. Clearly he wants to build his portfolio and expand his skills and it’s absurd that the wife would be so insecure she’d try to prohibit that. 

    Post # 88
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @mixtapehearts:  I don’t mean to imply that photography isn’t a valid profession, just that it isn’t his profession yet.  He’s trying to turn a hobby into a career which is wonderful but at this point I don’t think it smacks of insecurity for her to be nervous about this step.  Definitely agree with you on the not needing an excuse if he’s going to bone somebody.  I think my concern would lie more on his caution in establishing his professional boundaries and protecting his reputation (but I’ve already said that).

     

    Post # 89
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MrsOrange:  I tottally get that the thing you are upset the most about is the fact that he mentioned it over text so nonchalantly. 

    However, i see that as being two things. 1) He didnt want to tell you in person because of how you might react and didnt want to deal with it.  SOOO not fair to you if thats the case or 2) He honestly didn’t think it was a big deal. Which should actually make you feel more secure about the situation, because it says he is truly thinking about it in a “sterile” and purely “professional” way.

    However, regardless of the reason, my emotional response to hearing the news in a text would be the same too. *hugs* 

    Post # 90
    Member
    1223 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Don’t see the big deal. I’m an artist and I’ve done tons of work based on life drawings (nude models in the room). Hell, I once did a large (60″ wide) oil painting of my Darling Husband nude (and with an erection) which was on display in a gallery for hundreds of people to see.

    Post # 91
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @fiver:  Oh my god!  Love it!  I wish my husband would let himself be so comfortable.

    The topic ‘SO wants to start offering boudoir/pinup sessions and I am pissed’ is closed to new replies.

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