(Closed) SO wants to start offering boudoir/pinup sessions and I am pissed

posted 6 years ago in Photos/Videos
  • poll: If your SO was a photographer, how would you feel about him/her wanting to do pinup/boudoir sessions
    I'd be fine with him shooting boudoir and pinup photography regardless of client : (166 votes)
    36 %
    Fine with it as long as client isn't a friend or coworker : (92 votes)
    20 %
    Hell No, not ok with him doing it regardless of client : (195 votes)
    43 %
    other : (5 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 107
    Member
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    @MrsOrange:  I voted other because there was no “I think you’re being ridiculous” poll option. 

    Post # 108
    Member
    1352 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think I would mind much in your situation BUT I believe that it’s one of those things for which you have to accept your partners’ feelings, because it’s not something you’re probably ever going to be comfortable with. And that’s legitimate.

    I used to do modelling and once I was asked to do an artisitic semi-nude shoot. The photographer was male and gay. I discussed it with my SO and he said he would not be comfortable with it, so I never gave it another thought. 

    Post # 109
    Member
    1983 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Definitely not appropriate for a man (married or not) to do. That’s when you look for female photographers…

    Post # 110
    Member
    2268 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @MrsPanda99:  “It definitely wouldn’t work for me. OP, you need to focus on your own feelings. Just because other ladies are saying they wouldn’t care doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t legitimate. If it bothers you, then you are totally within your rights to tell your partner. 

    There are always going to be women who say nothing bothers them and you’re wrong. Don’t worry about them. All that matters is how you feel about it and no one can tell you that you are right or wrong. You can’t help how you feel. I hope that your partner respects how you feel and that you work through it. 

    I can’t imagine asking a coworker or friend to be involved in intimate pictures.

    +1.

    Post # 112
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    That’s a tough one. Part of me wants to say that if you trust your husband, it shouldn’t be an issue. Then there’s the part of me that knows how I would feel. I wouldn’t be comfortable and I trust my Fiance 100%. It may not be logical but I just wouldn’t like it very much. 

    I’m thinking of doing a boudoir shoot for Fiance and I have a friend/coworker who does amazing photography (he’s male and married and completely uninterested in me) but I would not do a shoot like that with him, out of respect for my FI’s feelings and for his wife’s feelings, too – even though it’s possible they could not care less. 

    I guess…….I sympathize with your feelings and I think you should tell him if you don’t feel comfortable with it.

    Post # 113
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    OP you aren’t being controlling. I hate how some people associate expressing feelings of discomfort as being controlling- it isn’t. 

    Post # 114
    Member
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I would feel uncomfortable but I know that it’s solely my own insecurities that would cause me to feel that way. If I was more secure in my physical appearance and loved the way I looked, I don’t see having any problem with it. It’s a job.

    There MAY be an occasional woman that would come around wanting a shoot that would make me uncomfortable though. Like if it was someone I thought liked my SO or who I knew was a homewrecker lol

    Post # 115
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2013

     I second @continuumphotography  – he should have a second female present for liability protection and professionalism. *Especially* if it is a home studio.  Anyone who contemplates doing this for a living would be silly to open themselves up to these foreseen risks if they can otherwise be avoided.  

     

    The other concern about shooting coworkers is that any untoward feelings (on either side) could bleed over into the workplace and end up in a sexual harassment claim in a worst-case scenario. 

     

    It might help if youi can write out and articulate exactly what your reservations are and why.  Your personal feelings and insecurity, concerns for how this could negatively affect his current job, any upsides or mitigating factors that could ease your concerns… I get the sense that’s what your intention was in starting this thread.  

    Post # 116
    Member
    621 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @MrsOrange:  Just from an actual photo business perspective, it’s generally not wise to try to jump in and do every type of photography there is – maternity, family, wedding, boudoir… few people can do them all well and they attract very different clients. I.e those looking for a family photographer aren’t usually going to go for the guy with tons of boudoir shots on his site. He needs to figure out what he’s good at and what he likes and limit himself at the start. And tell him not to quit his day job just yet – very few are able to make photography business last full time for more than 3-5 years.

    Post # 117
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee

    As an aside, I don’t know any male boudoir photographers who do not have a female assistant present. That would just be asking for trouble. 

    Post # 118
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee

    And if it makes you feel any better, he’ll spend a lot of time airbrushing a lot of cellulite, tucking flab and lifting saggy boobs. Boudoir is really more icky than hot haha

    Post # 119
    Member
    1983 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @continuumphotography:  I just don’t think it’s appropriate for a man to see a woman like that unless it’s his wife. But if it’s necessary, at least make sure there is someone else present.

    Post # 120
    Member
    1314 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2006

    @whaleigh:  I know many male photographers who take amazing boudoir photos, who are 100% professional and their clients love the results. You’re comfortable with whatever you are comfortable with – but I don’t agree with the notion that it’s inappropriate.

    Post # 121
    Member
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

    I’d be annoyed if my favourite photog told me his wife wouldn’t let him take any more pin up shots of me. As a model there is nothing really sexy about doing a shoot! The clothing and poses are usually dammed awkward!

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