(Closed) SO wants to travel with female friend

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No, just no.

Post # 5
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It would totally bother me as well.  In fact, I have a friend overseas that I would love to visit so badly, but I won’t go visit until my Fiance can afford to come with me since it is a male friend.  My friend is also engaged and nothing would happen but I would never travel overseas to visit a male friend without my Fiance.  I’ve traveled cross country with female friends while my Fiance and I have been together and I’ve traveled to a foreign country to visit a female friend without my Fiance.  I would hope he would extend to me the same courtesy. 

Post # 6
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

100% agree with you. I trust my SO with all of my heart, but thats crossing the line IMO. I would not be okay with that at all. I can’t imagine wanting to travel without my SO in any case anyways because I want us to experience it together. 

Post # 7
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Wow I’ll be shocked if anyone says they would be okay with this. I think jealousy could be an issue in this scenario even if he were going with a male friend because he’s having this experience that you want to have with someone else. Going with a female friend, and one that you’re not personally close to, adds a whole ‘nother level of “oh hell no.” It would be one thing if he were going somewhere (with a male friend(s) or a relative) that you have no interest in going, or doing a type of, say, extreme/adventure travel that you have no interest in. But he’s proposing to go somewhere you really, really want to go without you, and instead with his…female running buddy? Oh hell no.

It’s nice that you trust him. But this just seems a) really disrespectful to you and b) playing with fire. Traveling with someone can be a pretty intense bonding experience. I truly cannot imagine how you would feel sitting at home knowing that they’re galavanting around Japan together. He can find somewhere to travel on his own, or with a more appropriate choice of friend(s), if he really can’t wait for you. 

Post # 8
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

oh heck no.

Post # 10
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think you are being ridiculous.  It would be a “boundary” that his crossing I wouldn’t be comfortable with either.

But then again, I don’t believe that Male & Females can be just friends and hang out 24/7 without the fact that one of them has some sort of attraction to the other

This is based on years of

(a) being female, with a very in-tune sense of female intuition, and

(b) having a Fiance, and many male friends who have told me… that thinking so is a pretty naive thing.  MOST MEN who are hanging out with a gal 24/7 do so because they like her, they are hoping, dreaming, wishing for something happening.

My Fiance and guy friends who I have many indepth conversations with… (and see regularly, but whom I don’t hang out with excessively… and rarely without my Hubby-2-B around) say this is just part of a man’s genetic make-up.  Period.

IMO… something to think about

 

Post # 11
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I hate to be the one person to disagree, but while I would be jealous I think it would be kind of unfair to expect him not to go. My fiancé and I are in similar situations but reversed. I travel without him all the time and frequently visit my male friends alone. He might become resentful if you ask him not to go, as I know I would be if my fiancé asked me not to go. 

Post # 12
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t like it personally.

I feel the issue is that you view the trip as something that would continue to build intimacy between the two of you, since you both share love for Japan.

He seems to view it as simply going on a fun trip that is self-serving, and it doesn’t matter who it’s with. He even stated that he only picked her because she can translate.

What jumps out at me most about your post is that he’s kinda selfish at least with him wanting to travel. It’s not about you or anyone he just wants to go when he wants to go, period.

If you’ve been together for six years he obviously cares about you, but he’s not “getting it” because of his own wants.

Post # 14
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would 100% be ok with this.

My husband and I are avid travelers, and I think taking every opportunity to travel is important!

Why hold him back just because you can’t go? That seems petty and unfair. You are both individuals who deserve the opportunity to have new experiences! He deserves to have fulfilling friendships, and to make good memories with those friends. Not every part of his life is about you – let him have an adventure!!

Post # 15
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

Ok, him threatening you is not ok. Now this says that he feels like he has power over you.

Sounds like a selfish dude.

As for the girl being engaged, that doesn’t mean she is now dead to any feelings towards other men.

Post # 16
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think my Fiance would ever even ask that of me. I would not be ok with it, not because I think he’s going to cheat, but because he’s going on your dream trip with someone else! He should wait until you can go…

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