(Closed) So we agree, the In Law’s are nutso, but how do we move on?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Yeah, I get you.  I went through something like this with a friend of mine that I don’t talk to anymore. She was very dear to me and I spent a lot of nights awake, talking to her/yelling at her in my head. I got some relief by talking it over with friends, but eventually what I did that helped me was lay everything out as I remembered it including what I felt she did wrong and what she did to hurt me, acknowledged that I made mistakes too and label what they were, and send it to her (PM me if you want a copy). Your situation is a bit different considering this is your family, but I got the relief that I needed, which is really cool.  Maybe something like that can help?

Post # 4
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

I’m not familiar with your relationship so what has been happening the last 6 months?  Did your SO cut off contact or is if he still in full contact with them and letting them do what they want?

I don’t quiet understand how you do this but I’ve been told to mourn the relationship, mourn the loss of a Mother-In-Law because you will not be having the relationship you always dreamed of.  How do you do this?  IDK, I think it would vary person to person how we would mourn the loss of a relationship but there is nothing wrong with that.

MissHelen has a great idea about getting it our on paper.  Pour your heart out in a letter, say everything you have ever want to say whether it’s horrible or whatever.  This letter is for YOU and for YOU only.  I would not send this to her, however.  Keep it to yourself.  After you are done, you could keep it in a shoe box, shred it or burn it- which ever is more cathartic!

She’s not paying rent so stop allowing her to take up space in your head!

Post # 5
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It is hard to have these feelings, but at some point you need to focus on the family you and your Fiance are creating. Finding a way to get these feelings out is really important. Like pp said writing about them or going for a walk might help.

How does your Fiance feel about your relationship with his family?

Post # 6
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

You could go to the thrift store, buy plates and either use them for target practice or throw rocks at them; you could get a kicking bag thing (the tall thing boxers use) and take your aggression out on Mother-In-Law via the bag.  You could always attach a pic of Mother-In-Law but I don’t know how your SO would feel 😉

Those are my ideas to get the aggression out physically.

What about counseling for you? 

Post # 7
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@pendola: I really love that last sentence about not paying rent – so true!

And I would second counselling – if nothing else, you get to vent your rage to an impartial 3rd party and discuss ways to move on without burying or ignoring your feelings.

Post # 8
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I love what MissHelen had to say.  Often writing it all down, getting it all “out” of you, can help you release it, and really understand it.  I hate situations like this!

I have had to deal with similar things, and mainly I found someone to talk to (for me it is FI) that I can trust, and that doesn’t mind investing.  Really, ideally it would be a professional counselor.  (Just saying, for me, I would have loved that, because then you aren’t giving too much information to a friend or family member, and you have a non-biased trained ear that won’t use it against you later or simply grow annoyed.)  Anyway, having someone to talk to all about it can be really good, also to get it “out.”  After all that though, I had to start making the decision not to let it occupy my mind.  I had to stay busy and just try not to trip out on it anymore.  (After I had worked it out.)  Good luck, best wishes for ya.

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