(Closed) So what is this compromise thing?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Tough situation. This is probably not what you want to hear, but I think school #2 is a good compromise. It’s your 2nd choice school and it will make your Fiance happy to be closer to family. It would be unfair to Fiance for y’all to stay in a place he doesn’t like for 3 years so that you could go to school at your first choice, when Choice #2 essentially gives y’all something you both would like…for you school, for him being close to family. If you go with Choice#1 then I think that you would really have to compromise upon completion (like letting him choose where y’all would move after you graduated).

Post # 5
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

When will you get admissions decisions? You may not even have a choice to make. I applied to like seven grad schools, and was thinking of all kinds of plans, and then I didn’t get into a single one! Boom. No decision necessary. 

Post # 8
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Tough, tough, tough.  I had the choice to go to a school in AZ which was a VERY new program or a very developed and well known program in TN.  AZ is a quick 2hr flight from San Francisco, but TN is a loooong 7 hr flight with at least one connection.  So did I move to AZ to be closer to bf but compromise for the newer program, or go to my program of choice but be 2k miles away?  What I ended up doing was I moved to TN and he stayed in CA and we see each other about once every 6-8 weeks.  It was a decision that I had to make for the benefit of my career and bf really encouraged doing something for me, not for him.  Of course we aren’t engaged, so he wasn’t really going to follow me to either location right away, so it was easy for him to say that. But visits would have been easier in AZ.  Obviously that kind of distance isn’t what you’ll have to deal with, and since you’re engaged I doubt you will want to be separated. 😛 

I agree with the PP, I actually think school #2 is a good compromise.  I moved from California suburbia to ghetto Memphis and I thought I was going to HAAAATE it.  But really, it’s not that bad.  You get used to it and you make the best of what you have.  You’d be surprised, big city living can be kind of fun!  And as long as #2 has a pretty good program that will still let you get a job, then I think it’s a good option. 

Post # 9
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@AmeliaBedelia: Well I’m still trying to figure that out. I’m an actor, and I applied to MFA acting programs, so there’s no test involved. Just auditions and your current body of work. I’m actually still waiting one school’s decision, but I’m fairly certain I would have heard by now if it were a yes. But now I’m basically free to do whatever I want. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. I’m still formulating a game plan. And if someday I want to reapply, I can always do that.

Post # 10
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@AmeliaBedelia: Also, NONE of the schools I applied to are anywhere CLOSE to where I’m living. I’m in Texas. I applied to schools in San Diego, San Francisco, Sarasota, NYC, and New Haven. It put a real strain on my relationship, and that I definitely don’t miss.

Post # 11
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MissHoneyBun: What school did you go to (if you don’t mind me asking)? I just graduated with a BFA in Theatre Education.

@AmeliaBedelia:

What is it about the area y’all are in right now that he doesn’t like? Maybe there’s more of a compromise in there somewhere. Like moving between your current city and Choice2 and then being a little closer to family but close enough to school that it’s not a serious commute? IDK just throwing ideas out there.

Post # 12
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@mg1363: I did my undergrad at SMU. I was a voice performance major.

Post # 13
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If you were offered all three- I would go for #2. With you in grad school, once hubby finishes up in December, he’s gonna be a lonely newlywed, it’d be nice for him to have the support of family. And you will like being able to swing over to the in-laws for a proper meal when you’ve been to busy studying to stop and feed yourself all week.

Alternately- go with school #1, and consider moving somewhere half way- so that you are both somewhat close to the school, but not too far from family. Then after graduation, if there’s a big job in the city for either of you, it will not require another move.

That being said- I’ll be living with Fiance for our first year of marriage, but if I get my dream job in another state next year, I’m taking it. But I told him the day we met that I had that goal and would never compromise it.

These things can be tough, good luck!

AND @MissHoneyBun: How dare they deny you!!

Post # 16
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@AmeliaBedelia: Thank you. Yeah, it’s not needed at all. The training is always appreciated, but some people actually consider it a giant time/money waster–as that’s time that could be spent establishing a career. You go to grad school for the connections it provides. A career is never a guarantee. I totally get the feeling about wanting to know. I KNOW what I want the end result to be…but right now I have no clue about the middle part. Good luck to you as well. Let us know what happens.

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