(Closed) So who pays for the bridal shower? How does it work?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Usually whomever is throwing it pays or the bridesmaids. $30 sounds completely reasonable!

Post # 3
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Double post!

Post # 4
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Maid/Matron of Honor is paying for most of it.  I plan to help her out with a place to host it (she has a tiny apartment), my costco card, and whatever misc that might be needed.  Otherwise she has said she will take care of things.  Who pays is really a case by case thing and also probably depends on what you expect or what you’d like.  I’ve seen showers hosted by aunts, and other female family, moms, and bridesmaids.  

I don’t think it’s unreasonable.  I’ve heard of one bride insisting on having two bachelorette parties so two different groups of friends could come (also i suspect because she wanted to do both of the options for the bachelorette), but expected her bridesmaids to come and contribute to both.

Post # 5
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My sister is throwing mine but is a typical poor college student. My FH and I are the ones footing the bill  she is just planning it with my help (she also lives out of state). We sort of have a unique situation because she is the only one that will actually attend our destination wedding then we are having a formal reception in our home town that all of our friends are invited to.

Post # 6
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My mom hosted, and paid, for 90% of mine. My SIL and a couple of friends/cousins helped with a few things, but my mom did the majority.

Each situation is different. My mom did mine because with the size of the shower (almost 60 people) and the expense she felt it would have been a burden financially and time wise to put on to someone else. She happily accepted help from those who offered though.

I think whoever offers to host the event usually accepts the expense of doing so. Traditionally I think the BM’s did it as a group, but with the way things are today that is not a realisitic expectation most of the time.

Post # 7
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think $30 is reasonable.

Only thing that I will say is that you probably shouldn’t be involved in the planning of your own shower.  I know everyone does things differently, but if you stepped away, then any of the “blaming” regarding costs etc. wouldn’t fall on you.  It’s up to the hosts to decide what is reasonable/doable for them.  So, if they all decided to do a tea party theme and collect cups (which is a cute idea, btw) your rouge Bridesmaid or Best Man wouldn’t really have anything to complain about.  She may feel like she had no say in the matter and is being asked to put money in for something she doesn’t agree with.

I’m not saying she’s right….I just have a different take on the situation.

PLUS, it’s really lovely to just show up at these things and not have to worry about it.  😉

Post # 8
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think $30 is super reasonable.  One of my BM’s just quit her job and asked for a rough estimate from my sis (MOH) on how much they’d have to spend.  We were thinking about $25-30 a person was reasonable.

Post # 9
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I do not think $30 is unreasonable. i can’t believe they are complaining. They are getting off easy IMO. My mom is hosting my shower. My sister, who is also my Maid/Matron of Honor lives out of state so she won’t be attending, but she has been sending all kinds of stuff to my mom to help out.  I have no clue what to expect, but I am very excited. The shower is next Saturday!

Post # 10
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

$30 is NOTHING!  Some people like to stir up trouble and will complain about anything.  I hosted a bachelorette party a few months ago (as the MOH) and received complaints from all ends about all sorts of things.  Some people thought they were paying too much, some people thought we weren’t being extravagant enough, some people wanted more trashiness, some people more classiness.  Realistically, your shower is totally reasonable and no one’s asking for anything crazy, so those people will just have to deal. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I hosted a shower and spent about $300 on food/decorations/table rentals and it was at my mom’s house! I didn’t think I was spending too much either.

 

Post # 12
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor at my best friend’s November wedding and I’m hosting the party by myself. I’ll probably be spending about $300 or so as well when it’s all said and done.

Post # 13
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wish the bridal showers I have been involved with had been $30…. I am used to paying more like $300 (and these are weddings with large wedding parties to split the bill). 

 

Post # 14
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think the question you should be asking here is… who throws the shower?

It sounds to me like you’re planning your shower with your Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids. Maybe I’ve just never heard of the bride planning her own shower. I think that’s where this all went wrong.

Normally either one or both of the Mom’s throw the shower or the Maid/Matron of Honor or BM’s throw it. Either way there is usually someone that throws the shower for you. Not usually planned by the Bride. Sometimes there are multiple showers thrown by multiple people. I’ve heard of Maid/Matron of Honor throwing one, a Mom throwing one, a Mother-In-Law throwing one, AND even a Bridesmaid or Best Man throwing one.

If your’re planning your own shower, you should pay for it. If your Maid/Matron of Honor and your BM’s decided to throw you a shower together then they should be paying for it. I don’t think any of the bridesmaids are under any obligation to pitch in if they aren’t “throwing or hosting” the shower. Normally the person who has decided to host the shower, plans it with the intention of paying for it.

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