(Closed) So who's NOT super kinky?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
Member
1814 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

Oh jeeze I’m as vanilla as they come… Anytime an ex or current husband has simply bitten my neck softly I stop everything and go, “QUIT IT!!” lmao. If I see a movie scene where something like that happens I think it’s hot, but the instant teeth close on my skin I panic.

*is lame*

Post # 18
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

When Fiance and I met we talked about sex because back then my libido was dead and had been for years (mostly due to Depoprovera shots). I told him it was extremely important that my next relationship would be respectful of my low sex drive and that there would not be any pressure for sex, of any kind. I’ve had my share of fights with my ex because I wasn’t giving him enough sex and I didn’t want the story to repeat itself again. We talked about how we envisioned sexuality and we agreed on this basic : it’s not about performance, it’s about quality. I can’t believe ”vanilla” can be considered boring. Sex is sex !!! Missionnary sex that brings you to orgasm like hell is still hot sex even if you didn’t get tied up or whipped along the process !

I’m totally vanilla and totally happy with it. Our sex life puts a lot of emphasis on daily seduction and eroticism (suggesting rather than showing). Which means lingerie, seductive gestures and words as well as foreplay represents maybe 90% of our sex life. Sensuality (caressing, touching, sense of smell (i.e. perfume)) is very important to us. It maintains the desire alive, every single day, and when we have sex it’s like the icing on the cake ! There are so many ways to spice up your sex life and to ”play”, even in the vanilla spectrum. If you’re into other stuff it’s okay too, but you don’t need BDSM or other ”kinky” trends to have a satisfying sex life. 

I also think sometimes it has to do with age and how confident you are with your sexuality. When I was a teen and young adult (early 20s) in my circle of friends it was almost a contest to know who was willing to do what, and somehow it was socially better to say you were kinky in bed. Like, guys loved to date a kinky girl. And they expected you to be, just like in porn movies. But they also failed to make us orgasm. We failed giving ourselves the power to have a satisfying sexuality, because instead of focussing on quality, we were preoccupied with our boyfriends bragging with their friends and we didn’t want to be THE girl who was secretly made fun of because she was boring in bed … sad isn’t it ? That was the performance issue I talked about earlier. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Honestly I think you should not worry about it. While some people truly enjoy less conventional sex, it doesn’t mean you can’t have great conventional sex. 

Post # 19
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

@juliana192:  I used to be super kinky, but only because the guy expected me to be.  It was weird and a little messed up.  I’m actually super vanilla, with a low sex drive, and I’m okay with that!  ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 20
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@LorensAngel:  I find that if you explain that you just want to try things to see if you like them and that you feel safe with him exploring a different side of your sexual self then they can be quite accommodating ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 21
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@aribanana:  Thanks for the advice! I’ll definitely try that and see what he says. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@cherrypie:  +1. We have a lot of kinks and fetishes but we don’t engage in them daily. Sometimes we are too lazy! 

Post # 23
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

Our relationship is vanilla and I like it. We’ll try different positions from time to time and have gone as far as blindfolding all of -once- but we have a wonderful time. I actually like it a lot more than past more kinky relationships because it’s so free of pressure. Strapping on my stilettos and calling my man Worm just doesn’t really put me in a sex mood, just a trying to come up with what to do next mood. Some kinky stuff is fun, but I don’t miss any on it. I’d rather just hold him.

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