Post # 1
From my own thread about your SO coming out to you as bi. I asked a friend the same question, a more religious friend to specify, and one of the points she brought up that I hadn’t thought about was what happens when you have kids and having to tell them that Daddy likes Mommy and other girls and other boys too. Same could be said in reverse and about many offshoots of sexuality and gender identification. If you had surgery changing your sex then had kids, would you tell them you used to be another sex? If you’re hetero or homosexual, it’s fairly straight forward I have a mom and a dad they’re straight. I have a mom and a mom, they’re lesbians. I have a dad and a dad, they’re gay. But what if moms pansexual married to a man and daddy’s bisexual married to a woman? Would you tell them that just because they’re husband and wife doesn’t mean they’re straight? Would you feel the need to explain your sexuality with them? If so, at what point? Is it something they’d grow up knowing or would you come out to them at some point?
Personally, being bi, if I ever had kids with FI, I don’t think I’d say anything until it was time to have “the talk” or whenever they start learning about other orientations. In my head it goes something like, “Mommy why doesn’t Suzy have a daddy? She says she has two mommies!” “Well, sometimes girls like girls and sometimes boys like boys and that’s ok. In fact, Mommy likes girls too, but she loves Daddy and that’s why she married him.” Or something along those lines, who knows?
Anyways, would you disclose your sexuality or gender identification to your children? When?
Post # 3
Oooh… what a question!
I didn’t vote. I think it depends far too much on the circumstances, and the child. Bear in mind that most children find the concept of their parents having sex at all as the grossest thing in the world. I wouldn’t want to scar them for life.
I mean, if they ask, I’ll tell them, I don’t have anything to hide. But I don’t want to overshare… I think that could be a little bit traumatic for them!
Post # 4
I think if you’re never planning on being with anyone else besides your husband or wife, then there’s no point in telling your children.
Post # 5
@HonoraryNerd: “Well, sometimes girls like girls and sometimes boys like boys and that’s ok. In fact, Mommy likes girls too, but she loves Daddy and that’s why she married him.”
That’s really cute!
Post # 6
I couldn’t see ever needing to tell a kid that I was bi.
Post # 7
Post # 8
We had books about “inclusive families” in the preschool classroom I taught! It covered LGB families, divorced families, single-parent families…
The three year olds had no problem wrapping their heads around “some people have two Mommies and some people have two Daddies”
So clearly I have no problem with teaching my kids that two Mommy and two Daddy families are perfectly normal!
I wouldn’t tell them about my personal sexuality, though. Not unless they came to me and said “I think I might be ________. Have you ever had these feelings?”
Post # 9
@KateByDesign: +1 I really don’t get how it would be appropriate or how it would come up. If you split up and started dating someone of the same sex and wanted to introduce your kids, then yeah…. but otherwise, seems strange.
Post # 10
@KateByDesign: This. I don’t really see the point. It just seems like overshare. I would never want to know if my mom or dad was bisexual. Not because I have issues with different sexual orientations, but as their child I don’t really need to know what they like in the bedroom.
Post # 11
Well we are both straight so I can’t really speak from experience, but my husband and I both plan to be very open in explaining from the get go that no matter who loves who it is all the same. I know in our case since it isn’t specifically about us so it isn’t the same as what you’re asking, but in general I hope more people start to explain to their kids earlier on that “mom & dad” isn’t the only way to be a family.
Post # 12
@KateByDesign: + 1
I think I can teach my kids that people are entitled to love who they choose and how it works without diving in to my and DH’s personal sex life and preferences.
Post # 13
If I were bisexual and a parent, I would either use an explanation like OP used, or I would only tell my child if he or she asked. It would depend on the child, I think.
They don’t really *need* to know about a bisexual parent’s sexuality, but I think if my theoretical child were wondering why their friend had two daddies and no mommy, that telling them that I like both genders (but married their dad because I loved him and wanted to be with him for the rest of our lives) would help normalize it for them.
Post # 15
@HonoraryNerd: Because I’m straight and FH is straight, I didn’t vote. But, I think that if one of the sitations applied to me, I would include it in ‘the talk’. When I have ‘the talk’ with my kids I intend to discuss the different forms of sexuality (not sure I phrased that correctly). Some boys like girls, some boys like boys, some people are born boys but really should have been born girls etc…again, maybe not the best way to explain things but it’s the best I can do right now.
I want to make sure that my children grow up knowing that whomever they choose to love, however they choose to express themselves, FH and I will always love them.
I have a girlfriend who was in a long term realtionship with another girl. They broke up and she is now married to a man and they have 2 children together. I don’t know if she ever intends to tell her boys about her other relationships.
I also have a grandfather who’s bisexual. Honestly, we all think he’s gay, but getting him to admit he’s bisexual might be the best we’ll ever do. It’s one of those things my mom and her brother have known since they were teenagers, it’s just not something he would ever discuss and that has been hard for them.
Post # 16
I think I would tell them around 11 or 12, because that’s when they’re really starting to understand sexual orientation, and I wouldn’t want them to feel like I hid anything from them. I identify as straight, but I fooled around with a girl once, and I want them to know that safe, responsible experimentation is healthy. It might scar them a tiny bit but they’ll get over it lol 😛