SO won’t celebrate dating anniversary

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all that you want to do it, but it might be a little unreasonable to expect it when he’s made it clear he won’t do it.  I am sure it’s disappointing and honestly I can’t understand why he wouldn’t celebrate a dating anniversary.  I see dropping it once you get married be cause the wedding day becomes your new anniversary, but before the wedding?  I don’t get it.  However, if you’ve told him it’s important to you and he’s still not willing to do it, I don’t know what other options you have.

Maybe you can just go forward and make some plans for the day yourself.  Do you think he wouldn’t be willing to go out to dinner even if you are the one who plans it?

I would certainly not expect anything from him though; I think it’s setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment.

Post # 4
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

Why don’t you try to make it special for you two? It doesn’t have to be going out to dinner or gifts, but just cook up a nice meal. If you’re the one who wants to celebrate something that not everyone celebrates, then I think it’s on you to make it what you want. Don’t expect much from him out of it since he has already told you that he’s more than willing to do the traditional holidays and the marriage anniversary celebrations, but I’m sure he would say “thank you” if you made him a great meal or something.

Even if you do want to go out, why don’t you plan the date? Make it something he’d enjoy, too. Is there an activity you’ve both talked about trying, but never got around to doing it? Make it a date.

There are two people in the relationship; you shouldn’t sit around waiting on him to do something romantic on days that you specify he should be romantic.

Post # 5
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Fiance doesn’t do the “dating anniversaries” either, he says we’ll celebrate wedding anniversaries and I started our relationship wanting too. We did go to dinner on our first “date”iversary, well, actually a few days later because day of I was in the ER. lol. This past year? I don’t even remember thinking about it in all honesty. I don’t think we did anything special in celebrating.

I think by expecting something each year, knowing he won’t want to celebrate it, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. If you want to do something to signify another year passing, go ahead and do it! But continuing to pressure him about it isn’t going to be good for either of you, or your coming years together.

 

Post # 6
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am the LEAST sentimental person on earth.  I can see why your Fiance doesnt want to “celebrate” it.  However, I am always up for going out to dinner.  I think he should compromise on that.

Post # 7
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I find that totally bizarre. Boyfriend or Best Friend and I don’t celebrate anniversaries, but we’re both on the same page about it.

Is he opposed to celebrating even if you plan it? I mean, who is opposed to going out for a nice dinner (assuming it is affordable)?

Frankly, I would be worried he would go back on his word once you’re married. I don’t see his reasoning. It’s not about the anniversary, it’s about him being willing to participate insomething’s that iimportant to you.

What do you think is at the root of his unwillingness? You’ve got to get to that. Is it him being stubborn and wanting to be right? That’s a yellow flag to me. Is it that he truly doesn’t understand what it means to you? That is easier to solve. Does he have some bad history with anniversaries?

Is there any other area where he is unwilling to do something reasonable??

Post # 9
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it’s strange he won’t do it when he knows it means something to you.  My Darling Husband grew up in a family where no one ever gave each other cards and my family does it for EVERYTHING which he thought was weird BUT he knew it was important to me so he makes it a point to get me cards because it makes means something to me.  I think your SO should WANT to celebrate to make you happy 🙁

Post # 10
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t understand the “dating anniversary” thing, are you going to expect an “engagement” anniversary too? After you’re married, are you going to expect these to go on including another anniversary, the wedding anniversary? 

I was thinking of “graduations” when I read this post… Schools make a big deal of graduating kindergarten, after grade 6 (primary school), after grade 8 (middle school), after high school… ONE graduating ceremony is enough! And that should be after school is over, you’re still going to school after kindergarten, why have a graduation?

I understand you SO. Wedding anniversary is enough.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My boyfriend thinks you should be married to celebrate anniversarys aswell!!! haha we have been together 6 years soon, we didnt celebrate till 4 years and 5 years and I think he gets its kind of fun to do something to celebrate so now we do something small and get eachother a small gift. If you want to celebrate and he doesnt you can still.. get him something small make dinner plans hes not going to cancel them. if thats what you want to do then do it he doesnt have to get you a gift its really just to spend time together even if you do something eally small like take a walk or spend the evening together it doesnt have to be a big thing

Post # 12
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I have a friend on FB who remembers the ‘anniversary’ of her bf asking her dads permission to date her, their first date, their first kiss, the day he asked her dads permission to marry her, they day they got married and the day they found out they were pregnant.  It’s mind boggling… =O I don’t really care either way honestly, my Darling Husband never wanted to celebrate the ‘dativersary’ so we never did and now we don’t have to xD  I don’t think it’s a big deal tbh.

Post # 14
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would let it go. It sounds a little high maintenance and like another poster said, setting yourself up for disappoinment – you are already thinking about this for October and it’s only May!!

 

He acknowledged it verbally, which is cute, and is willing to celebrate other romantic holidays…he’s not a total anti sentiment guy.

Post # 15
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@newcitylights:  Can you commemorate when you first met as part of your wedding ceremony instead? That seems reasonable moreso than a yearly thing if he really is not into it.

Post # 16
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Did you ask him why?  Maybe he had an ex that made dating anniversaries a big deal and now doing that reminds him of bad thing so he doesn’t like to do that.  There are some things that remind me of my ex and I avoid like the plague even if they seem innocent or normal to other people, so maybe that could be a possibility?

 

In any case going out to dinner shouldn’t hurt 🙂

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