(Closed) S/O: Would you marry him if he was in debt??

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
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    Yes

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    Other - Certain $$$ Amount is WAAAY tooooooo much!! (Tell me what your limit is!)

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  • Post # 47
    Member
    123 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Yes, I would still marry him if he was in debt. We are lucky that neither of us have any real debt, but if either of us or both were in debt, we would work together to get rid of it. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    2036 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yes I would.

    I’m a little different.  I’m a believer that both people should have their OWN money in relationships.  I am all for having a joint account and saving together, but, I got into student debt and auto debt by myself and I don’t expect him to pay for my debt any more than he expects me to pay for his debt.

    Post # 50
    Member
    1848 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I have 72K in student loan debt (been paying on it for 3 years – used to be 80K!) and Fiance is marrying the crap out of me. He has $0 in debt.

    He’s even cool with me returning to school for my nursing school pre-requisites and eventually nursing school. I support him, he supports me.

    Post # 51
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    View original reply
    @208bride:  What about leveraging?

    Post # 52
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee

    @FutureDrAtkins:  I’d be more concerned about the type of debt and how much of thought has been put. Most likely, I’d be fine with student loan if it’s for a decent school and major. The amount needs to be aligned with what the school and major are. Mortgage would be fine too. Basically, debts that I can justify.

    But, not paying credit card bill in full would be a disaster for me even if it’s small amount. Fiance is debt free and he has significant savings. What I value more that the actual savings amont is his attitude toward money. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It depends what you mean by debt. My husband is “in debt” because of a student loan, but it’s not a “bad debt”. 

    I think Id struggle with someone who had run up a lot of bad debt and was careless with money. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Yes, within reason. Fiance and I each have some debt (which is significantly lower than when we got together), and as long as we are honest about our debt, I think it’s fine. If either of us had more than 10k in credit card debt, I would suggest we forgo a traditional wedding, though, and work on the debt instead. I have student loans, but don’t consider them to be bad debt.

    Post # 55
    Member
    481 posts
    Helper bee

    There is probably a level of debt that would have made me too uncomfortable. Even if he had changed his ways [from however he amassed the debt]. But I’m talking like, hundreds of thousands. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    9830 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    Yes I would marry him if he had debt, he currently has no debt, but I have heavy student loan debt (once I finish my Masters will have about $55k of debt), am a terrible spender, and spend money I am not supposed to. (Dividend savings account I am not “allowed” to touch) I also am in debt to Fiance. So right now my total debts are sitting around $30k student loans, $3.8k to myself (not technically debt as it is money taken from my bank account that I had in the bank, not overdrawn or anything) and $575 to Fiance. I am not going to get a credit card for the simple reason that it would be irresponsible of me to get one, knowing my spending habits. I am awful with money, Fiance STILL wants to marry me, so if the situation was reversed and he had debt? Hell yes I would marry him.

    Post # 57
    Member
    1078 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @FutureDrAtkins:  Yes i would i think its insane and wrong to think you would limit your love for someone based on money god its like sick in my head. I don’t care what someone has or does not have if he makes me smile who cares … its messed up of you would only want someone if they had good money or no debt 

    facts are life happens, someone can be in great standing know, maybe a market goes bust and they lose it all my grandfather had that happen he built houses that sold for over a mil 30 plus years ago his homes are no 2-5 mil but the market went down hill he lost everything, my grandmother loved him till the day he died even after she never dated another man even though he passed at 47 … she is my rolemodel my love i want it to be like hers I think i am doing a good job 

     

    love does no care what your check book says 

    Post # 58
    Member
    9830 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    View original reply
    @Kissed_by_lightning:  +100000000000

    My grandmothers never married again, my maternal grandmother lost her husband at 43, never even dated again, raised 4 kids all on her own. My other grandmother lost her husband when she was 74, never married again. Love is about MUCH MORE than just money!

    Post # 59
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I feel like I have to be realistic in what would turn me off from a serious relationship… I was originally attracted to him because we both seemed to think the same way, with planning, logic,  manipulating numbers into spreadsheets, etc. Given that, I’m not sure how I’d feel if he had 100k worth of student loan debt, because the public schools in Texas in addition to the cost of living are quite low. I would probably be wondering what the hell he thought he was doing going to a school that cost that much, when you can get an engineering degree (his bread and butter of his personality, hobbies, etc) from a top engr school like A&M for probably 40-50k total without paying anything out of pocket. Edit: if he were going for a graduate degree of course my threshold is raised. A masters/phd in engr will probably pay for itself quick enough.

    That said, with some talking and soul searching, if he had a good reason/non-naive plan, we’d probably work it out. Credit card debt, on the other hand… Very hard to justify. Maybe I’m jaded, but I’ve seen too many people rack up CC debt for stupid reasons. Spending whole paychecks on shopping then asking friends to loan them money until next payday, paying $150/mo on cable TV when your CC debt is ballooning, etc. just generally bad decisions and lack of planning. I’m a natural planner, and to watch a potential husband blow through debt as if he had the cash to spare when I knew he didn’t, I would be sensing some serious compatibility issues. I’d liken it to a gambling problem.

    So, to sum it up… It’s not the balance, it’s the forethought and general money handling habits.

    Post # 60
    Member
    1078 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    View original reply
    @Jacqui90:  that era just raised people who love deeply strongly and for life no matter what 

     

    i once asked my grandma why she never dated she said i had him in my life, though not as long as i would like but how on earth could i want another man when i got to have him 

     

    thats the kinda love i knew was out there and i alwas desired and am happy to have found, I could care less what someone i love has all things come and go in life the feelings you have linger a life time

    Post # 61
    Member
    9830 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    View original reply
    @Kissed_by_lightning: Exactly, I knew that that was a love I wanted, one that endures beyond death. And I am lucky to have found that 🙂

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