Post # 1
I wonder what kind of things people are doing to prepare for the marriage? I think we spent so much time preparing for the wedding that sometimes we had to refocus and spend time on the marriage.
Our marriage prep involved some counseling, reading, and most of all, a ton of discussion of issues that were sure to become important to us. I think all that extra work preparing for marriage is paying off already.
So what did you do?
Post # 3
We had been together for almost 7 years and had lived together for 4, already had finances combined etc. I think it was more about getting that piece of paper to make us officially “together” than anything else. We were already at the point where we felt married and cared for each other in that capacity that we didn’t need to do a lot of work to get there.
Post # 4
We’re doing our premarital counseling with a pastor and doing the prepare and enrich test. Thankfully the pastor also has a masters in counseling/therapy (not sure which one). But it seems helpful!
Post # 5
We dated for like 5 year before getting married… does that count? 🙂
We also did pre-marital counseling, and I thought it was a really great experience. Our weekly sessions really gave us a chance to refocus on the purpose of the wedding during the crazy planning stage. It was so nice to have time out every week to talk about our commitment, our goals/future, our feelings on different topics, etc… And I think we learned some valuable communication and conflict resolution skills that have come in handy this first year of marriage.
Post # 6
We’ve had several pre-cana meetings so far with a married couple from the parish. We have one more meeting with them, and then one with the priest.
We’ve been together for 4 years and lived together for 2 years. I think the sessions have really helped up discuss problems that could arise (and will arise)! and how we will handle them. It also does a great job of bringing issues and different backgrounds to light, which is very beneficial.
Also kinda interesting is that in our workbooks, each chapter has questions to fill out for after you’ve been married for 3 months and then after a year or so. Interesting to see how our answers will change from what we put now!
Post # 7
I wonder if Catholics have a lower incidence of divorce because of the pre-cana counseling requirement? It was like the coolest thing…
Post # 8
Our (hopefully) officiant was supposed to send us reading material and a counseling outline last month. I need to bug him about it since we haven’t gotten it yet. lol.
Post # 9
We are planning to do a pre-marital class (but only because it was required by our officiant). Other than that, not doing much else…. This may sound naive – but I honestly can’t think of how else we could prepare for marriage – but, I’m definitely open to ideas!!
Post # 10
We are secular, so we don’t have an official thing we must do. However, we have been taking this opportunity to talk a lof about our relationship, our hopes and dreams, etc. Just last night we discussed the 5 Love Languages. Learned about it here on the Boards (thanks!).
Post # 11
I converted to Judaism which brought up a lot of issues for us to discuss and was really helpful in making sure we are on the same page with a lot of our views. We are also doing some pre-marital counseling which I think is sooooo helpful, we’ve learned so much about each other and how to communicate. My best friend didn’t do any preparations for her marriage (but man did she love planning her wedding) and they are really struggling because they never talked about their expecations for money, kids, etc…I cannot recommend sitting down with a neutral third party enough!! I think so many people think that if you see a counselor you’re relationship is in trouble, but I’m here to tell you, it’s made us a much stronger, more commited couple.
Post # 12
Mrs. DG a friend of mine stated the exact same thing you did (about the pre-cana). I hope you’re both right. 🙂
Post # 13
I think that you can probably replicate the same effect in a less formal way by picking up on and discussing the topics that are likely to become hot button issues in a marriage… but formalizing it makes you actually do it, ya know?
There are lots of books and articles about the questions you should ask each other before getting married, and I think most of them are probably adequate. It’s sort of like a dry run before the real issues arrive! Since you’ve already talked about it in a non-heated, non-emotionally laden way, it’s easier to tackle when it is charged.
Post # 14
We’re doing pre-marital counselling starting in about a month, and we’re reading through a couple of great books. Also, over the last five years I think we’ve discussed every issue under the sun. The only thing left to discuss is the living-together…I’m sure there will be habits and quirks that come out of the woodwork once we move in together.
Post # 15
We’re preparing by…
1. Combining our financial statements now and making financial goals using mint.com
2. Choosing a new place to live and furnishings together
3. Pre-marital counseling with our officiant
I don’t really know what else, except that everything else seems to work itself out because we know each other so well and have been dating so long.
Post # 16
We have our first pre-cana meeting on the 6th and I am very excited to sit with our pastor and to meet our sponsor couple. Having grown up with divorced parents, a long happy marriage has always been my greatest wish. While we are on the same page with family and finances, sometimes our communication styles and how we respond to stress is very different. I look forward to learning how to work though those times together and to lean on our faith to do so.