Post # 1
My Husband and I have officially made it through the first quarter of the first year of marriage! It’s a great feeling, and honestly after 12.5 years together in a relationship we honestly feel like not too much has changed except now we wear rings on our 3rd left fingers every day and I now write “MRS”. I am sure that some other things will hit us in the coming months / years that will make us go “holy crap… we’re actually married!”, but overall we are just living in our own little bubble of bliss and enjoying every minute.
Nothing sobers that awesome newlywed feeling like the question “So when are you going to have babies”.
Holy hell, we’ve litterally been married for 3 months and people think its now OK to start asking us about children! People love to justify this question with our age… “you know you guys are 30 now and you’re running out of time”. My male work colleagues are taking bets on when I’ll announce I am pregnant, my Grandmother has all but given up expecting us to have children.
Now don’t get me wrong, my Husband and I do want children. It’s definitely on the cards (god-willing), just not yet. We haven’t even been on our honeymoon yet (July this year – US & Caribbean) and we just want time to enjoy our new life as a married couple. Besides, we’ve been told time and time again that the first two years of marriage are the hardest, I don’t really see adding a baby to that equation making it any easier!
I have told people that babies are on the cards, just in the future. I want to spend some quality time with my husband, buy a new house, travel, spend time with our friends and family and celebrate our life together. I have been made to feel guilty because hubby and I have been together so long and our families feel like we are wasting precious time. The more that people “nag” me, or ask me about babies the less I want to procreate!
Has anyone else experienced these kind of sobering questions? I would love to hear how you reacted to them?
Post # 2
I’ve had them but mainly from others that are pregnant. I just say ‘not yet’. it doesn’t need more of a justification in my opinion.
Post # 3
Honestly that question has never bothered me. I’m kind of open with my personal life and if I don’t want to answer a question or think a question is appropriate, I’ll let them know.
Post # 4
Yes! We are not even married yet and people keep asking. I know it is partly because future SIL just announced she is pregnant, but its still frustrating.
We do want children, and soon, but I am 36 and realise this may be more complicated than if I was 26. I do not want to discuss the process with the whole extended network of family and friends, especially if I do have trouble getting pregnant. Our official line is that ‘we haven’t thought about it yet.’ We’re hoping that such an obvious lie will give people the hint that we are not discussing it with them.
Its kind of funny, because the two people I am comfortable discussing babies with, my mom and best friend, were both tactful enough to wait for me to bring it up.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian
Longtimewait21: I think it helps that my fiancé is much more baby obsessed than I am. We’re getting married in November and he woild be fine getting pregnant on the honeymoon. I want about a year until we start trying. I just tell people I have to put my foot down with him and it confuses them. Haha.
Post # 6
Longtimewait21: haha get used to it! I had people write in both our shower and wedding cards that we need to get on the baby making. My parents wanted us to have kids yesterday ( weve been married 4 months!)
My dad made grandbaby comments before we were even married lol. I just LOL, tell them ‘never’ or ‘not any time soon’ ( which may or may not be true, we plan to try in fall 2015 but nobody needs to know that lol- itll be a surprise for everyone when we do get pregnant)
I just take it in stride- its a compliment that people think we will be good parents, and Im happy my parents are so excited to be grandparents 🙂 I want my kids to know their grandparents and spend a lot of time with them 🙂
Post # 7
I’m also 30 and we have been married for a little over a year. I think people just don’t have much else to ask unless they really know you. I don’t put much thought in it. I just say we don’t want any and the convo usually moves on….
Post # 8
I’m generally pretty anti-child and everyone knows it. We may eventually have one (I’m confident I’ll love my baby even though I hate everyone elses) but I’m not looking to get knocked up any time soon. We’ve been married for a little over 3 years and have gotten asked when we plan to multiply approximetly 12 million times. When did that become anyone elses business?
Post # 9
Boxerlover24: AGREED! It is quite funny and it makes me laugh, I have started saying “nah, we don’t want kids” with a wicked grin on my face; especially to people who regularly annoy us with the baby making questions. I know both our parents are DYING for their first grandchild, so I can see why they’d be asking a lot. It’s just so funny that these types of questions started the day after our wedding! I keep telling our parents that they should be happy with their four-legged furry grandsons (our dogs)!
Poor you, it started BEFORE you were married!
princesserbear: You go girl, put that foot down!
orchids15: I know how you feel, I’d never ask one of my friends these types of questions. Fertility struggles are so prevelent in today’s society and it’s a REAL personal struggle. If I had fertility struggles some where down the line (god forbid) I wouldn’t want to be continually peppered with these questions about babies.
I’ve honestly never thought about having children before I was married, even with being with my Darling Husband for 12 years. We were just caught up in living life. Now that I’m in my 30’s I’m really feeling the pressure and the thought of babies isn’t such a taboo thought anymore.
We are all the master’s of our own destiny’s!
Post # 10
ilovebacon: Agreed! I generally don’t like children, I mean I like the ones I know, but I love being able to give them back after a short amount of time! But my husband thinks my low tolerance of screaming misbehaving children is HILARIOUS! But I have no doubt once I have my own children my tolerance for that will be a lot higher, and I’ll love them unconditionally!
Post # 11
To be honest.. I feel like people are always rushing you through life stages
You are single – WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIND A MAN?
You meet a new man – ARE YOU GUYS DATING?
You date – WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED
You get engaged – WHEN ARE YOU STARTING TO HAVE KIDS
You have a child – WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER ONE…
it’s never frikkin ending!
Post # 12
we got pregnant about a little over a year after our wedding so people had plenty of time to nag us about when we would have a child. I got sick of hearing it and started responding with “we will have a child when my husband and I decide it’s the right time for us & when God decides to bless us with one.” That seemed to shut them up 😉
Post # 13
If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought I was the OP of this thread! Darling Husband and I have been married for a year now but the baby questions started practically at our reception. We too have been together for a long time (10 years) before saying ‘I Do’. Darling Husband also just turned 30, I will in May so everyone we know basically think it’s time for us to get going on it. In fact, SIL just asked me the other day to go through her boxes of baby clothes to choose what I want before she donates them. That’s her passive aggressive way of saying, “have a baby already!” because prior to that, she told me she was saving them for when I have a baby and last time I checked, I’m not even pregnant!
It’ll probably be another two years before we even start trying. I’m still in school for nursing. Like the OP, we both want to buy a house first and travel together more before we start our family.
Post # 14
we got married in october, and we’re 30 as well. We’ve been together for about 7 years so we did start getting the questions immediately, some people were asking our plans even before the wedding. It doesn’t bother me at all, in fact it kind of excites me! Even though at the time of our wedding we weren’t sure when we would start trying, it was exciting that it was now in the near future. We are just getting ready to book our honeymoon at the end of April and plan to start trying then. I’ve told a couple of my friends and my sister our plans, but aside of that we like to keep it to ourselves more just for the surprise factor of announcing a pregnancy. DH’s brother asks him every time they talk if I’m pregnant yet lol. His wife is pregnant though so I think he’s just really hopeful we’ll have babies together but that won’t really be happening!
Post # 15
Ugh, yes yes and yes. Thankfully my in-laws are not so much into that, but my own family keeps on asking and surprisingly my friends too, although they know that I want to wait. I am also turning 30 this year and have heard comments like “you’re not getting any younger” (only from my sister though) and it is SO annoying.
Yes, they might mean well, but it is none if their business and it’s basically asking me about my sex life. Plus, if I WAS trying to get pregnant and it didn’t work for some reason, this would be an extremely inappropriate and hurtful comment, in my opinion. And guess what, as soon as you pop out a baby the question will become “Oh, andwhen does X get a little sibling? You can’t raise an only child-they’re spoiled!”
Honestly, I am so over societal expectations that I dont even seriously answer those questions anymore. I am not obligated to make a baby, just because I am married or of a certain age. I usually just try to keep it polite and vague and answer sth like “In the future”…so they are getting an answer and I don’t need to justify myself;)