Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard
I have been by no means a regular alcohol drinker, but every time I drink socially I end up drinking more than I originally intended (and I’m a lightweight) and end up feeling hungover/terrible later that night. I had decided to never drink again but then went to my best friend’s bachelorette party which was a party bus tour to various bars. I felt it was impossible to enjoy sober, so I had a few drinks and of course felt terrible later on. I figured it was okay because she’s the last of my friends to get married so I don’t anticipate anymore bachelorette parties in my life. And I love her so I wanted to participate in the celebrations and not just sit there like a wet noodle.
My question is, as a sober person, in the future, would it be appropriate to just not go to said events? Like for example if someone invites me to a winery tour, and I don’t drink, would it be appropriate to just not go? I don’t want to miss out on supporting my friends or having a social life, but I hate being around drunk people even when I’ve had a few myself, and I personally would prefer to just not drink again. And just having one drink is not an option for me because even one drink is enough to make me feel like crap (nausea, headache, shaky, palpitations) and the last several times I’ve drank I’ve been pressured into more drinks after having just one. How have you navigated a social life while remaining sober?
Post # 2
If you dont want to drink but feel like you will be pressured into doing so at an event, then don’t go.
My husband doesnt drink but we still go out with friends. If the event is a drinking event we dont go. If it’s just to a pub for drinks, he will go and order a coke or something. If it’s a pregame party before a night at the clubs, we skip it because it’s just not fun.
Our friends respect the fact he doesn’t drink and there is no pressure though.
Post # 3
I drink but very rarely (like I don’t even remember when I last had a drink rarely – probably my SIL’s wedding in May). Anyway, I never say no to social events just because alcohol is involved and I don’t really drink. I’m perfectly happy to have water or a soda and just enjoy everyone’s company. I’ve gone with my husband and his friends to beer tasting events and just drink water because I don’t like beer. But maybe my friends aren’t as heavy drinkers because they definitely aren’t getting drunk every time we go out for a drink.
Idk…it kind of sounds like you may need to find a new friend group if everyone in your social circle are very heavy drinkers and you are trying to stay sober. Because you’re right that being around drunk people when you are sober isn’t the most fun thing to do. You could go early in the evening and just make it an early night once everyone starts getting too drunk for it to be enjoyable for you.
Post # 4
I never drink. I don’t go to events that are solely centered around drinking. If you have to get wasted in order to enjoy an event, I would consider that event as simply not enjoyable instead of getting wasted to make myself enjoy it. When I hang out with friends I usually go out to eat, to a movie, etc. I only have one friend who’s a big partier. She drinks when we hang out, but not nearly as much as she would with her other friends. Maybe because I’ve never been a drinker (literally have only drank two times in my life), it has never seemed like a big deal to me not to drink.
Post # 5
Great topic. I stopped drinking nearly a year ago – no real particular reason other than it just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Plus I’m an early riser and like to keep a tight schedule so feeling less than 100% really disrupts my day.
I have several friends that drink and I’ve found that I really haven’t missed out on anything I wanted to do. I go and enjoy a club soda with lime (or whatever) and…I enjoy socializing sober. I really don’t miss it at all. I haven’t felt any pressure to indulge and if people were to give me a hard time, I just wouldn’t spend time with those folks going forward.
Go to the events you like based on the people – I wouldn’t necessarily rule something out because it’s a drinking event. I’d go to a winery just for the education. Now if you hate being around drunk people, then yes, you may want to cut out early on some of these things but you could still go and enjoy for a bit before things get too sloppy.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2020 - Concord, Ontario
Neither of us drink we go out with us and still have a great time. If we are invited to an event that solely focusus on drinking we don’t go
Post # 7
It can really throw things off balance when you quit and no one else does.
I stopped because the empty calories were catching up to me; and I drank *a lot* at times in my life. Unfortunately, people you normally hang out with start to look really goofy when you’re the only sober one.
My suggestion woukd be not to get ahead of yourself and don’t overthink it. Take events on a case by case basis. Wine tasting really shouldn’t result in blottoness. The idea is to *sample* and savor. Wine connoisseurs don’t get blasted.
At the same time, you can work on widening your social circle and finding events that are less alcohol oriented.
Post # 8
This isn’t really what you are asking about, but are you sure you aren’t allergic to alcohol or the types of alcohol that make you feel this way? I feel like that’s a pretty strong physical reaction to just having one drink.
Post # 9
I rarely drink anymore, mainly because even just one drink makes me feel pretty bad the next day. I’m also a light weight so two drinks many times meant I couldn’t drive.
Anyways, I still go out for drinking activities. The first couple times people thought it was strange but for the most part, no one comments anymore.
We actually recently did a winery tour and I enjoyed their juice and the cheese and crackers.
To be honest, if your friends are annoying drunks and pressure you, it might be time to find a new circle. While my friends still get drunk when I’m there I just leave if I’m annoyed and I would not go with if I knew I would be pressured the whole time.
Also, do you initiate plans? Can you initiate something that doesn’t revolve around drinking?
Post # 10
I struggle with this too… I try to cut back or stop but most of my friends activities center around drinking. My husband doesn’t drink, but he has no desire to. So it doesn’t bother him, but I WANT to drink and am trying not to, so it’s harder to just sit there and watch others drink. I genuinely enjoy the taste of the drinks I order, but then I tend to drink them too quickly and realize too late I had too many. Trying to learn moderation is a challenge when people in your life aren’t supportive
Post # 11
I drink a couple of glasses of wine max. I don’t like how it makes me feel and I get the worst hangovers. Also you sound like you’re allergic to whatever you’re drinking.
I know that I can’t drink flavoured cheap vodka drinks so I avoid it. On our honeymoon I didn’t realise my margarita was premade from a machine. I had the worst stomach pains and felt so sick.
Post # 12
I haven’t had a drink in over 40 years. I don’t go to events centered around drinking (very boring and distasteful if you’re not also getting drunk). If the drinking is going to be moderate, I go and drink soda water.
Not a problem any more, though it is a bit challenging to learn to do it. The first four or five months I was sober I didn’t go to anything more than dinner and only dinners with people who supported my not drinking. It got easier.
Post # 13
redroses76 : Firstly, you are always allowed to decline an event. It doesn’t matter the reason.
I’m currently not drinking because I am pregnant, however I have had several long stints of quitting drinking in my life, for health and psychological reasons.
I find if I’m with the right people, I can almost feed off their drinking. For example, I spent last NYE sober at a house party. Everyone else was heavily drinking (not enough to be messy though) and I found myself still dancing with people, sitting on the roof to watch fireworks, etc.
If I’m going out or to an event, I almost always drive. If I don’t like the vibe or people are getting messy-drunk, I easily have a way to wind up the night and get home.
I very rarely don’t go to an event just because drinking is involved, even if drinking is the main event.
I think the important question is why do you think you couldn’t enjoy the even without a couple of drinks? Were people pressuring you to drink? Were they being “annoying” or “messy” drunk themselves? Did you just want to feel included?
Answering the above questions would help with advice.
Post # 14
It sounds almost as if you have problems with your blood sugar. That’s how I feel when it’s low.
But, I rarely drink. I can’t tell you the last time that I had alcohol. It might have been Christmas. But, when my friends are drinking, I offer to be the Designated Driver. And have fun with them.
Post # 15
- Wedding: February 2019 - City, State
I had a New Years resolution for stay sober for the year of 2019. I may not pick it back up after the first of the year. But I go to happy hour events and events where alcohol is prevalent. I usually get pineapple juice and club soda mixed together or something similar. You can still socialize and not drink.