Post # 1
I’ve been a little MIA for the past few months, but now Fiance and I have officially booked a venue for October 21, 2017, and we are slowly but surely starting the planning process (YAY!).
Our venue seats up to 100 which was ideal for us because we wanted to keep it somewhat small. We drew up a “fantasy” guestlist and I am completely shocked at my FI’s guestlist. It’s currently split about 20/80 (I have 10 relatives to invite while he has 50-60) which wouldn’t bother me that much except the majority of his relatives on his guestlist I have never met and he hasn’t seen for 17 years. Fiance has also mentioned he doubts a lot of them would show up anyways.
To explain further, I have social anxiety and the idea of having to say my vows in front of 100 people scares me, let alone the potential of having to meet 40 new people plus try to make a good impression. I feel really sick just thinking about it.
Is this normal? I don’t know much about weddings and a lot of articles online state that blood is thicker than water, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around wanting to invite people you haven’t seen in so long and those that probably don’t even know you’ve been in a committed relationship for the past 5 years.
Any advice? How many guests at your wedding/on your list were people you didn’t know?
Also any tips on how to deal with social anxiety at weddings? I can usually quickly step out for a breather when needed, but at a wedding I feel like I’m going to be pulled in every direction and will potentially end up having a panic attack :/
Post # 2
I have bad social anxiety. We had ~90 people. I didn’t believe people when they said it doesn’t really phase you on the day-of…. It’s true!!
I wasn’t nervous at all walking down the aisle. I looked at everyone and it was a total blur, honestly. Saying our vows went quickly and smoothly. I didn’t even pay attention to anyone except the officiant (brother-in-law).
Don’t worry, it goes by so fast!
Post # 3
Hi, first of all congrats! Secondly, i don’t know if any of this will help.. but I have severe anxiety, and hate being the center of attention and in the spotlight, i never had a sweet 16 or bat mitzvah or any of that growing up for those reasons.. I had a lot of fear and anxiety leading up to the wedding, and most people i feel like are nervous about actually getting/being married, where as i was just nervous about walking down the aisle with everyone staring at me etc. To be honest, it was an incredible day and went perfetly, but i also blacked out most of the day. There are large parts of the day i barely remember/had an out of body experience almost. I felt like it wasn’t my wedding and it was someone else. It was great don’t get me wrong, but i feel like it was so much that i couldn’t really experience everything.. I can’t wait to see the video because there are so many gaps and parts i can barely remember, but i am just so happy to be married to my husband i don’t really care lol. Ps i wasn’t drunk or anything, i just felt like the day zoomed by and was sooooooo surreal, if that makes any sense. But nothing bad happened, no panic attacks, no freakouts, the whole day went smoothly, just flew by!
Post # 4
bibber : ak2016 :
thank you for the reassurance! I think the build up to the wedding is going to be the hardest. That’s the thing about anxiety though (at least mine) is that I consistently build it up in my head and it usually ends up being fine…but still minorly uncomfortable. If I can get through without a panic attack, that’s a success in my book!
Post # 5
yup! Try not to let it get to you.. try not to think about it lol and just focus on married life and what that will be like. Also i forgot to add there were around 220 ppl at our wedding!
Post # 6
I don’t have anxiety, but I just wanted to say that I’m with you on not understanding why people you haven’t seen in however many years need to be on the wedding guestlist. Both Fiance and I have met every single person on our guestlist, except for the boyfriend of a family friend (they’re long distance) but will actually be meeting him when he’s in town in a few weeks (and we’re not 100% sure he’ll make it to the wedding at this stage anyway). There are a couple of people whom he or I have only met once or twice in the 9 years we’ve been together, but they aren’t total strangers to us. We both have extended family that we’ve either never met or haven’t seen in 10+ years and didn’t feel that it was necessary to invite them to our wedding – fortunately, our parents agreed with us so there wasn’t too much pushback on our decision.
Post # 7
If you are nervous about saying your vows in front of 100 people why did you settle on a 100 person wedding?
Mmy advice is to frame up a guest list based in people you both can’t imagine having the day without. I don’t believe in inviting extended family you barely know just because they are related to you. I did not invite my mother’s sister or my cousins because I haven’t spoken to them in about 5 years, I don’t know anything about them and you can be sure they know nothing about me. I figure if they can’t be bothered to call me on Christmas and say hello/hi/how are you, there’s no reason to invite them to our wedding. Or, as Fiance puts it, Everyone on our list is someone we would be happy to take out to dinner at and catch up with!
Its 2016. Have the wedding you want to have, and don’t lose sleep over the people you barely know who you are notion voting.
Post # 8
because it’s also my fiance’s wedding, and to be fair I’d be nervous if it was 5 people too! Our venue holds 100, but is still a great space for smaller parties too 🙂
Thanks, I’ll be sure to talk to him about it 🙂
Post # 9
exactly! I cut a bunch of relatives I haven’t seen in years but he won’t do the same (as of yet).
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2016 - Temescal Lake House
I have the same problem. I have horrible anxiety in general. I would like about 20 people but we are having 80. Which is ok. He is more social than I am. we are planning on having a big bridal shower before hand with everyone invited so I can meet all/most people I haven’t met yet (a good amount of his family) Also, I do plan on having a mimosa or 2 to loosen up. I plan on remembering every moment of our Wedding day but just enough to relax me a bit. Just remember it’s his day too. If he wants family there then it’s ok, he only gets this once too! All about compromise
Post # 11
Mimosas are a must for sure! We talked about it tonight and he said he doesn’t even want most of them there though, and he just thought he had to invite them! He said “we need to stop trying to make everyone else happy and just do this for us”. I would never tell him to not invite people he actually wants there, just as he would give me the same respect!
Post # 12
I can’t help on the axiety side but I’ve seen threads on here where people narrow down their guest list by removing people they haven’t spoken to in a year, etc.