Post # 1
My cousin, who is my Maid/Matron of Honor, is getting married in one month. She has yet to send out invites, and nothing is really planned ahead, it was all announced so quickly. She is in a real rush to get married and they have very little money. So, my cousin is always putting on Facebook “oh, does anyone know where I can get mason jars for centerpieces?” or “does anyone know of a good baker than can make a three-tiered cake to feed approximately 50 people?” Then, my one aunt and uncle, who my cousin could never stand, will swoop in a pay for it for her. My aunt is even making her wedding dress even though she flat out told me she didn’t want her to do that and that she wanted to purchase her own. She blasts everything on social media and it is starting to get annoying to those family members who can’t do as much. My aunt and uncle, her parents, are strapped for cash, and can’t do much at all. I feel like she is guilting people into funding her reception. They are having a civil ceremony, and the reception is a few days later. (Hopefully. They haven’t even made an appointment with the courthouse yet to see if their date is available!)
So, Bees, do you think it is tacky to blast this information on social media?
Post # 2
Asking for good baker recommendations is not the same as asking for people to pay for your wedding. I would not be annoyed if my relative genuinely wanted to know of good vendors- the expectation that someone else would pay would be tacky of course.
Post # 3
“Can someone pay for my 3-tier wedding cake” is NOT the same as saying “Does anyone know a place that makes a great 3-tier wedding cake”. Asking for a vendor recommendation is not the same as asking for someone to pay for their cake. Haven’t you asked your friends (on or off social media) for vendor recommendations? Or for any other kind of recommendations for that matter?
Hell, lots of FB friends ask me where a good place to eat/a good mani-pedi place/hair salon and I tell them. Not one has ever assumed that I was going to pay for their meal/mani-pedi/hair appointment because they asked where to go. Sometimes people ask because they don’t know.
I suppose they could be hoping that someone says ‘Hey, I have a ton left from my wedding and you can haave/borrow/buy them”. But, still, far cry from asking people to pay for them.
If your cousin didn’t want your aunt to make her wedding gown and wanted a store bought one, she should’ve opened her mouth and said she was buying one. If your aunt and uncle sweep in and give them money without them asking for it, then that’s because they want to (for whatever reason). Your cousin could always say no thank you.
Honestly, you sound jealous that this girl is getting a wedding gown (wanted or not) and cash from your aunt and uncle and you’re not.
Post # 4
I’ve had ladies on my facebook newsfeed ask for donations to help pay for their bridal dress. That was tacky. But what you described sounds like you’re annoyed that your cousin is getting all this help (financial or otherwise) and is ungrateful for it. It doesn’t sound like she’s soliciting for money but recommendations.
Post # 5
brendaray2009: From what you have said I don’t find it tacky. I think it is hard not to annoy people during wedding planning. I don’t post on social media but I am sure my friends/family/fiancé/coworkers all get sick of hearing about it. It sounds as if they wanted to get married in a short amount of time so she needs all the advice she can to throw something together quick. If you are sick of hearing about it on social media- then see if there is anything that she needs help putting together. you can always say you won’t be able to buy things but would be able to do some research for her to find some bargains
Post # 6
brendaray2009: I don’t see an issue TBH; she’s asking for recommendations, that’s it. A friend of mine does this, and I think it’s a great way to get personal recommendations; we’re at the age where a lot of people are getting married, so a lot of people are going through the process of finding/booking vendors.
Post # 7
Ellicott: No, I am not jealous. I have my gown already, and my aunt and uncle are not giving her cash. I am also not getting married for a while, and this particular set of relatives only come around when something big happens to show off.
Post # 8
She’s asking for vendor recommendations and supply stores, not for people to pay for things. If people are paying for parts of the wedding or making things for it, they’re doing it on their own and for their own reasons.
Finding good businesses to patronize is actually one of the main uses for social media. It’s one of the main features of sites like Facebook. She’s using the site the way it’s meant to be used.
I can see why you find this annoying, but based on what you’ve written, this doesn’t really affect you, there’s nothing you can do about it, nothing you should do about it, and it will be over soon. I suggest hiding her from your timeline and forgetting about it.
Post # 9
brendaray2009: this girl is your Maid/Matron of Honor but it seems like you don’t like her very much, so that’s too bad.
I don’t think it’s tacky to ask for ideas on social media. I think you should mute her feeds, because it’s sounding like you spend a lot of time monitoring them and that’s not productive.
Edited to add that I know how irritating it can be to watch someone guilt trip everyone with a helpless routine, but even if that’s what she’s doing, it is better for you if you ignore it.