(Closed) Socializing with someone who has cheated…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I go for drinks?
    Don't go! : (17 votes)
    24 %
    Go, but you don't have to be nice : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Go and be nice for you husband's sake : (50 votes)
    71 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I really dont think it is healthy for relationships to be a nic for nak sorta thing.

    I think you should put aside the fact that he didn’t go out with your friends and think about it purely for the situation it is.

    I personally would go because I always go to events that my Darling Husband invites me to. But some couples dont work that way. 

    In regards to being nice, I guess I would personally be the bigger person and just be polite. Being nice doesnt mean you approve of his life choices… but that being said I highly doubt he cares if you approve or not. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    4465 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    This is your husband’s boss, and you being “not happy” could impact his career.  Go, suck it up, and be nice and socialable.  You don’t have to hang out with him all the time, and you can keep your feelings about him all you want, but I think it’s important to be nice.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1944 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Honestly this mans personal matters are none of your business. You don’t know the whole story nor the dynamic of his previous relationship. Calling the new woman a slut is low and immature in my eyes. If you can’t be cordial, them no do not go. By no means do I agree with cheating or codone it but I also try not to judge situations/relationships I know nothing about.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Showers: Tell him you really don’t have anything in common with a cheater and a mistress. So you would have nothing to talk about. 😉

    Because it’s his boss I would go and make nice. But, I think he needs to make more of an effort to do things you want him to do. It’s not fair that he gets to bail on things you want to do, but you have to go to the things he wants to do.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I voted Don’t go.  I think that if you go you’re going to have a hard time playing nice all night and keeping your feelings in check. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think the worst part about your situation is that your Darling Husband refused to go to dinner with your friends. I think you should have a talk with him about being more supportive and the importance of spending time with people who are close to you. Especially if you are willing to do it for him!

    As far as hanging out with the cheaters, I’ve done this before. Honestly it isn’t that bad. They are people at the end of the day, even though they’ve done something horrible like breaking up a marriage. I wouldn’t automatically label the girl as a slut, it’s not her fault. Don’t go into it with a judgemental attitude, approach it as meeting two people for the first time. I’m sure it wasn’t ‘easy’ for them to overcome the situation of him being married and if there are kids the situation will continue to be complicated for them. So let that be their punishment. Plus, if your Darling Husband has determined they are worth his time, then you should respect that and keep an open mind.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3626 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I say either don’t go or go and be nice. You can’t go and not be happy. That is childish. But if you really don’t want to go, tell your husband you don’t feel well and stay home.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    You should go and you should be cordial. Its your husbands boss, not his best friend. You dont have to like him, but you have to pretend to when youre around him!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Oh girl I am the worst person to give you advice. When I was put in this situation I waited til there was a lull in the conversation and then said “So Gregg how is Tiffany doing? How are Olivia and Aaron taking the break up? Is Tiffany still living with your mom?” Umm as you can imagine that brought dinner to a screeching halt.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would go, and then say, “see how I went out with your friends even though I strongly disapprove of their cheating? you need to make more of an effort with my friends.” relationships are all about compromise.  dh and I had a similar tiff lately about hanging out with each other’s friends, though not involving any cheating/real issues with friends, just personalities not clicking. He doesn’t always like socializing with my grad school friends bc we end up talking about school a lot and he feels left out, but I’ve hung out with his old, high school friends many many times (including weekend trips that were like torture to me) when I really have nothing in common with them, so it’s a balance.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @Showers: The thing here isnt it about being acceptable. Trust me I don’t support cheaters at all but at the same time it is not my place to go around judging people for their actions.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    380 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    I wouldn’t go, but I am a feminazi and so is my SO, so I wouldn’t be in your situation because SO would hang out with a cheater, boss or not.
    If I WERE in your situation I guess I would get “food poisoning” at the last second, because I am the type of person that says what on my mind so my attending a function with people I don’t like for whatever reason would be bad.
    I don’t mean to sound like I’m judging you or anything because I am not but I do think that you shouldn’t compromise what you feel is right just to make face with some dick who ditches his wife and kids for a newer model. 

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would go if it were me, this is his boss so its not really comparable to you going out with your friends. I also dont know why you are calling the bosses girlfriend a slut, if you dont know ALL the details its best  not to judge

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