(Closed) SO’s, Funerals, and Family Functions

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Absolutely, he should be there.

Its not only a sign of support and respect to you, its to your family. Its one thing it it were a coworker, but as a member of your family he should be there no questions asked.

You go not only to pay your respects for the dead, but for the living and loved ones.

On the side- now that you are engaged you should always be included in family invites/functions (unless its strictly a “guys” thing IE brothers night out)

Post # 4
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My great-aunt passed away last October. We were very close (she was like a mother to me), and Darling Husband was there the entire time. It’s a sign of respect and support, and I really appreciated having him there, even though he didn’t know her well and met her after her Alzheimer’s had gotten really bad.

I would have been LIVID if he’d whined about attending the wake and funeral because he wanted to go to some birthday party. 

Post # 5
Member
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree that:

– you should have been invited to the birthday dinner

– he should accompany you to calling hours.

You are a couple now and should both act and be treated as such.

Post # 8
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Sounds like you have bigger problems than your Fiance not wanting to come with you. And you most certainly are not a b*tch because you want the man you love with you to support your family. Geez louise.

Post # 10
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

When DH’s grandfather passed away I certainly went with him to the base regardless of the fact I missed an important rehearsal as well as all of my classes for two days. I think he is being very unsupportive for complaining and his mother is rude. Darling Husband knows I don’t like being around his family for a long time but he also knew I was going to put up with it because I wanted to support HIM. He said I could stay home if I wanted but again, I wanted to support him and be sensitive to his mourning process (I strongly dislike funerals even of my own family).

I think even my own parents would have been shocked if I didn’t go with him.

Post # 11
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Let’s put it this way – when FI’s grandfather was in the hospital 2 years ago, I was studying for finals in a hospital waiting room. His grandpa passed on Christmas Day, so the day after Christmas, where was I? Yep, at the viewing. The day after that? At the funeral. It wasn’t about me, it wasn’t even about us, at that point it was about respect for his family and him included.

His mom sounds like a nutjob, btw. She would probably be *livid* if you didn’t come if one of his family members died, or at the very least, talk trash about you. Some people are wacky and only think in terms of how it affects their family. Not that I know anything about that…(ahem)

Post # 13
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

My Fiance came with us to my grandmothers funeral. He asked my dad if he could come also and the next thing I know it is 4:30 am and he is at my door with a bag ready to go ( It was a 4 hr drive). It ment so much to me and my family that he came, and it also helped ME when i just could not take any more.

He had midterms  at the time and skipped them to go with me.

Post # 14
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

He should absolutely be there. That is technically his great aunt too now. And even so if anything for emotional support for you. Doesn’t matter that you were not that close, funerals are hard period.

Post # 15
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

i agree with jules..my Fiance came with me to funerals of people he never met! he said that they were important to me an thats all that mattered…i went to his great aunts and i had only met her 1 time before she died- its a matter of being there for the person in their time of need

Post # 16
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

He should absolutely be there as part of your support system if you would like him to be! I am dealing with a similar situation now as my grandma’s funeral will be any day now. SO and I have been together almost 1 1/2 yrs and plan on being engaged by the end of the year. Up until last night he had not met most of my extended family do to traveling distance. He let me know quickly that he will be by my side at calling hours through the funeral. He told me that it was part of our commitment to each other. He also had plans for the weekend but has put them on hold. My ex husband was the opposite. I had to nearly beg and plead for him to attend anything happy or sad with me where myfamily is involved. Many times wase would initiate an arguement right before we were to leave just so I would tell him to stay home. I hope your Fiance realizes what you need from him and steps up.

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