Post # 17
He needs to put on some black, and be there. He can go for a little and then meet his mother and brother. If you are getting married, he needs to straighten up quick and realize that your family and all of the life events that go along with it, are now his to attend, too. Same with his family inviting you to birthdays!
Post # 18
@soyjoy222: I agree–he should go with you, then meet up with his family afterwards.
Fi went to my gram’s wake this month, and he AND his parents attended her funeral. I put them in the pew behind my parents, and was really touched that his mom and dad came.
Post # 19
First, I’m so sorry for your loss! I agree in this situation that he should definitely be there. This was a close relative to you and it’s important to you that he be there. It would be a different story if it was a distant relative that you didn’t even know well, and you were just going out of obligation. But that’s not the case at all.
And it’s crazy to me that you weren’t invited along to his brother’s birthday dinner after being together for so long and engaged! I wouldn’t ever think of excluding my husband (then SO) at that point in our relationship from any family function. It’s one thing if he invited you and you can’t make it due to other obligations, but quite another to not invite you at all.
Post # 20
His mom is crazy. Of course your Fiance should be there. Before Darling Husband and I were even engaged his grandmother then grandfather passed away within just a couple months of each other. I took time off from work for both of them in order to travel for their funerals. Then my step mom’s father died and Darling Husband came to that with me even though he wasn’t my real grandfather!
Your Future Mother-In-Law needs to get over herself and treat YOU with more respect!
Post # 21
I going to have to semi-disagree with the PPs. I think it is situational dependent.
Darling Husband and I were long distance for a good chunk of the time we were engaged (I was in CA, he was in GA). My grandmother passed away while we were engaged and the funeral was mid-week back home in IN. Obviously I went home for it but I absolutely did NOT expect Darling Husband (FI at the time) to take off multiple days of work and buy a last minute plane ticket to IN. I could get plenty of support from my parents, siblings, etc and get his support via phone.
But if it is all local (no last minute plane tickets and such required), I do agree that he should be there with you.
Post # 22
@Mrs.KMM:Fiance lives with me, so all he has to do is put on some clothes and jump in the car with me and drive the 40ish minutes across town. I am not asking him to fly across the country with me; I would understand if he wouldn’t do that.
I went with Fiance to his friend’s dad’s funeral. I didn’t know the dad or the friend personally, but I went with Fiance anyways, because I thought it was the right thing to do out of respect. Plus, attending a wake by yourself, isn’t super fun. It is a little better when you’re with someone you love.
Post # 23
I’m so sorry for your loss, but I disagree with what most people said.
I would not have expected my Fiance to go with me to a great-aunt’s funeral. If he asked and was wanting to – of course that would have been wonderful. But, I would have had him keep his plans and have him go to his brother’s b’day party or let him decide what he wanted to do in that case.
It sounds like there’s some disconnect with FI’s family (and perhaps in his mind too??) with when you two become united as a family. I know for my family, they didn’t really consider Darling Husband part until after the wedding (and even then it’s been a rocky road). Where DH’s family considered me family even before we were engaged.
re: the b’day party – I think it’s ridiculous up you weren’t invited – FYI.
Post # 24
@oracle:FI’s mom signs all of my cards “Love mom”….if she doesn’t consider me part of the family, why would she sign my cards like that? So the whole not inviting me to FI’s brother’s DINNER, not party, is just plain rude!