(Closed) Solid income- Give up to be a SAHM?

posted 4 years ago in Career
  • poll: Solid income as female- what to do once have kids?
    Continue working full time : (58 votes)
    49 %
    Cut back to part time : (45 votes)
    38 %
    Be a full time stay at home mom : (16 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Mrs.Sugabee2003:  I just wanted to add too that I never said anything about being a Stay-At-Home Mom.  I just think there should be a balance between work and your kids.  I don’t believe kids should have to go to before and after school care everyday like  I did.  I don’t believe they should have to go to vacation care everyday of the holidays like I did.  I was an only children, and was lonely for 90% of the time.  I was tired all the time from 12 hour days because mum had to commute.

    Post # 77
    Member
    2160 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    doglover89:  i totally agree!  I’m sitting here right now holding my 5week old baby feeling so fulfilled and grateful and thanking God that i don’t have to go to work and leave him with strangers. Before I know it he will be an adult and I will not regret these precious moments spent with him. On my deathbed it will be the moments spent with my loved ones that I look back upon,not the moments sitting in an office. 

    Post # 78
    Member
    5161 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    So much rhetoric. People using daycare (or nannies, or other childcare) are not dropping their kids off with random new strangers everyday. Like anyone you spend time with in life, they don’t stay strangers, they become friends and other important persons in their lives. Children, and people, form attachments to all sorts of people through their lives, including daycare providers and teachers. And people on their deathbed can feel just as happy about their career achievements, along with ALL the things that made their life meaningful, as they can about their time with loved ones. It is not a either-or scenario.

    I have zippo against people staying home with their kids. Like seriously, your kids, your life, you do you. It is fine to be grateful as long as you realize that is not the right choice for everyone else, nor possible for everyone, and to do so without the rhetoric insinuating working mothers choose “sitting in an office” over their kids. I don’t have kids, but I work in a profession where I constantly see mothers get judgment for things that fathers never do.  My own judgment comes when I see either side sitting on a high horse about their choice or throwing in rhetoric that insinuates others don’t love their kids as much or are making “less meaningful choices” and so on. It’s gross. 

    It is truly a privilege to even have be able to have this conversation and choice. There are plenty of places in the world right now, or in time in the Western world, where this is not even a choice. Where mothers are back working within days of birth for pitiful amounts, and their child themselves will be working rather than going to kindergarten to help provide for the family. There are also plenty of individual circumstances in the Western world where there is not a choice (one parent is sick, gone, dead, loses a job, they can’t make it one one low wage salary, they need the extra benefits for a sick child, and so on). And so what if some couples “could” make it on one income? First of all, who gets to decide that except the couple themselves. Further there can be other benefits to working aside from finances, that is not just “sitting in an office”, or perhaps they themselves came from difficult backgrounds and want to provide their kids something they did not have (I.e travel, education, etc)

    Post # 79
    Member
    908 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 1984

    RayKay:  I agree with you – we are very lucky indeed to be in a position to consider these options. I believe that every family has to make a decision that works for them and that no one is entitled to judge.

    I was a Stay-At-Home Mom for about 14 years and, if my husband and I had to do it over, we would make the same choices. It was right for us and we were fortunate that, by sacrificing a few things, we could do it. Having said that, not everyone has the financial freedom or even the desire to to stay home. In this day and age, no one should be judged for making decisions that best address the needs of their family.

    The only thing I have to respectfully disagree with you is about your end of life comment. I have been an ICU nurse for many years and have been present at the bedside as patients are dying many, many times. Not one of my patients talked about their career. As a matter of fact, most wished they had not worked so hard and had spent more time with their loved ones.

    Post # 80
    Member
    575 posts
    Busy bee

    Westwood:  “but I will never understand why it’s okay for the father to be gone 70+ hours a week to make ends meet, so the mom can stay home.”

    For some famillies, one spouse would be working 70 hrs a week regardless of whether the other spouse is working or not. My husband worked long hours before we even got engaged. He’s not out busting his ass just so I can sit on mine at home. He actually appreciates that I’m able to stay home with our son, because he is not able to at this point in his career (I also take care of our house, do the laundry, cooking, shopping, finances, I do EVERYTHING because I know what his work week entails and I want him to relax at home…he appreciates it all). He doesn’t have an 8-5 job. So if I worked 40 hours, 10 hours, or no hours, he would still be gone most of the week. And we mutually decided that if one of us is unable to be present during the week then the other one should be. Some parents have no problem dropping their kids off at daycare for 12 hours a day/5 days a week. That may be the best option for them and their family and lifestyle needs. Some would rather not if they don’t have to. We’d rather not, at this point anyway. Who knows what the future holds.

     I’m not sure if that little dig was directed at my post specifically, but I still felt the need to address it.

    Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/solid-income-give-up-to-be-a-sahm/#ixzz3tkky4mxl

    Post # 81
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    RayKay:  A+ comment. There is so much privilege and judgment in this thread. My kid is in daycare and I have been there for all of her firsts. She thrives in an environmen with other kids and caregivers. It works FOR US and on my deathbed, I won’t regret giving her the chance to be with other people (adults and kids) who love her.

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