Post # 1
A few days ago my husband casually dropped that he was going to Las Vegas in a few days and that he had been planning it for a long time. This was the first time he mentioned it to me. I told him that was disrespectful and not cool. He said he didn’t think I wanted to go (no idea where he got that from since I’ve never been). He asked if I wanted him to cancel the trip and I said no. A few days later I’m still pissed. He said he was sorry through text, but never to my face and hasn’t tried to make amends so I don’t think he actually is sorry. If he didn’t want me to go that’s ok, but he could have at least mentioned it before buying the ticket and booking a hotel. I’m not sure how to get over this one, it’s just really disrespectful and thoughtless (two things I really can’t stand).
Post # 2
Everyone’s relationship is different, expectation wise.
However, for myself :
1. I would expect to be told in advance there was plans to go. Estimated date, time and arrival home.
2. My husband and agreed no solo trips unless work related, as it’s something we both don’t agree on.
3. My husband and I do frequent weekends away, he goes to visit friends/family. And I just have girls nights. (Once every 3-5 months) & even so we find it hard to be away from each other.
My questions for you:
1. What is the orgin of this trip?
2. Who is he going with?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t be pissed about the solo trip, Darling Husband and I travel without one another several times a year. He’s currently packing for a hunting trip I will not be joining him on.
The difference is (and what WOULD piss me off!) Is that I’ve known about this trip for a year. We planned and budgeted together. If he sprung it on me out of nowhere I would be upset. But he would never do that because he respects me too much. Spontaneity is one thing, if he came home tonight and said he wanted to go to Vegas next weekend I would help him plan as long as it didn’t interfere with any plans we already had. But the fact that he booked it all without your knowledge then just hit you with it out of nowhere is really weird. You have every right to be mad!
I don’t even have any constructive advice as to how you should proceed. Tell him flat out how this makes you feel. Ask him why in the world he thought this was ok. Try to figure out where he is coming from. Make him take you on a beach vacation by way of apology 😉
Post # 4
This has “suspicious” stamped allll over it. It’s incredibly disrespectful to you in a variety of ways, and it seems like he’s hiding something. Vegas, of all places? Suspicious. If it were my marriage, I wouldn’t be home when he got back. That shit wouldn’t fly. At ALL.
Post # 5
desertgypsy : +1
In my book, solo trips are okay as long as there’s good communication and full transparency. He’s acting kind of shady about it and that seems off to me. In this context, I’d be pissed too.
Post # 6
I do agree that he should’ve at least told you his plans BEFORE buying his ticket. That’s just common courtesy. What is he was forgetting about something important that weekend? Do you have children? Then I think it should definitely be discussed first because all the child care will then fall on the person staying at home.
As far as the solo trips…my husband and I do them all the time (me moreso than him). Like, for example, this July 4th I’m planning a trip to Seattle to see one of my besties. I did “clear” it with him first just to make sure the dates worked for him. But that was pretty much it. A few months ago I went to Louisiana without him as well with only about 1 week notice. No problem.
ETA: My husband and I also still have our own separate bank accounts (in addition to a joint one). So when I plan one of these solo trips, the money is all up to me. When we’re planning a vacation or trip for the two of us, that money comes from our joint account.
Post # 7
mistress9 : Yep – there’s a reason he didn’t tell you he was going to Vegas of all places. I would never tell my husband he couldn’t go on a solo trip to anywhere, but that’s because I trust him and he would tell me about it well in advance. If he sprung it on me, nope. Shady af.
Post # 8
mistress9 : I agree with desertgypsy : the solo trip doesn’t really bother me too much while we don’t usually travel alone except to see our family if needed (and work obviously) but the idea of it in general wouldn’t be an issue to me however the fact that he planned a trip (bought flights/booked hotel) and didn’t mention it till days before seems really odd…. I would need a lot more of an explanation than I didn’t think you would want to go
I can’t imagine Darling Husband or I ever doing something like that – I mean I we basically check in with each other if we have any plans outside the normal work day (ie hey I was going to hit up a yoga class with so and so – see you around 8:30pm / or him – hey going to get a few beers with so and so from work – be home about 10 pm.)
I have to say that if Darling Husband pulled this on me my mind would be spinning and all I can think of is some seriously negative reasons to do this (like cheating) that would even make this seem like an ok idea.
Post # 9
Yeah I’d be pissed, not so much about the trip but that he didn’t ask you before hand. Not for “permission” but just out of respect.. We don’t do solo trips, with the exception of a short trip if it was one of our close friends bachelor/bachelorette parties. But every couple is different! I don’t think there is anything wrong with solo trips sometimes as long as it’s ok with your SO.
Post # 10
mistress9 : I agree with desertgypsy : I don’t usually mind solo trips when my SO tells me. I took them when I dated people and vice versa, but we were respectful to one another because we like to be together usually when we can be.
I think it is a little strange that he booked and planned something entirely of his own accord without letting you know or even hinting at it. Maybe there is something underlying going on that he is bottling up and not telling you? Either way I think you need to ask him why he decided to plan a trip and not let you know.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t be pissed if he wanted to go or went on a solo trip or trip with friends wihtout me. BUT I would be pissed if he never bothered to mention it to me before buying flights and everything. Especially to assume I wouldn’t want to go without ever having discussed it with me. We don’t even make weekend plans without casually mentioning it to each other, I can’t imagine how he could book a trip like this with no mention of it at all.
Post # 12
Agree with PPs. It’s suspicious that he just dropped it on you shortly before he’s going. And Vegas, oy. I hope it’s nothing, Bee, but…
Post # 13
Yeah, my husband would never in his wildest dreams be like “Hey, I’m leaving to go to such and such, i’ve been planning it for months and already bought everything.” without ever having mentioning it to me. Now, if something comes up spur of the moment he might call me and say “So and so invited me to go X this weekend, I think I want to go!” and then we have a conversation about it but planning something for months and never mentioning it? Hell no.
This is a giant red flag for me that you were never told of the trip, don’t know why he’s going, he didn’t discuss spending the money for it with you before he spent it (doesn’t matter if you have seperate accounts, my Darling Husband would have still told me beforehand and we have seperate finances) and you weren’t invited.
As for solo trips, my husband takes weeks at a time to follow bands around the country. Most of the time we go together but if its a band I don’t like he might go alone or with friends. Not a problem to me for him to do this as long as we discuss it beforehand and he has the time and money to take off. In addition, he keeps in pretty much constant contact with me while he is gone, not because I make him, but common courtesy for his parter to let me know he made it to each town safely, that he made it back to the hotel, when he estimates he will be home, etc.
Post # 14
When we first started dating, Darling Husband said “I’m going to Vegas in a couple weeks.” No biggie – we were just dating, we lived in SoCal where going to Vegas is a thing and not scary, he was going with guys to play poker, etc. Now that we are married, he would NEVER do that. He would first come to me and say, “Hey, poker buddies have proposed a Vegas trip on such and such a weekend. Do you mind if I go/what do you think, etc.” He would never spring it on me in a “I’m going to do what I want, you can shove it,” kind of way. He also tells me how much cash he’s bringing and reports back how much he won or lost. If I wanted to go to Vegas for a girl’s weekend, I’d do the same.
Post # 15
railroaderwifeyxo : He’s going with friends (mix group). It’s for nothing special, just a getaway