Post # 1
So I have heard here and there that it is tradition to invite your boss to your wedding. I wasn’t sure if it was one of those old traditions that has faded over time, b/c a couple of my staff members got married, and I didn’t get invited to their weddings.
My boss and I are strictly professional – we rarely have small talk about things outside of work as he is always busy. I didn’t give it a second thought not inviting him as 1) we have zero life outside of work (as it should be), and 2) he’s busy and it would be awkward as we are strictly business.
So imagine my surprise when a coworker of mine who is invited by default (her husband is my FI’s good friend) told me I should have invited him, but that he wouldn’t come. Now I’m in a dilemma. It just seems awkward to me to extend an invite to someone who “would decline by default.” Can someone please brief me on how it all works?
Also, for those who aren’t very chummy with your boss but still on good terms and professional, did you invite your boss? What was the outcome?
Post # 3
@MrsNewDay: Subscribing to follow this topic… I am a director at my company and have attended many weddings as “the boss” which I happily attended if I liked the person or bowed out of if I had no interest. Now that my wedding is coming up, I’m in the same boat as you… do I invite MY boss or no? I probably will invite him but am curious to see what advice the Bees have.
Post # 4
I love my boss. We get along very well. We occasionally talk about personal things but don’t ever socialize outside work. However, she is not the most social of people and big crowds and lots of craziness makes her uncomfortable (I work in a lab, what can I say?). So i did not invite her. She would not have had fun. And I don’t want to worry about how I look in front of my boss on my wedding day. I can’t imagine that she feels slighted about not being invited. I did invite some of my other coworkers and am glad that I did.
Post # 5
I would never invite my boss unless the relationship is more than a strictly professional one.
Post # 6
@MrsNewDay: i did not invite anyone who i work with, boss or coworker. i have been at my job for 5 years. i am close with them at work, i’ve gone to happy hours after work. but i did not want to invite one person and not others so i invited none.
i never heard of being required to invite your boss.
Post # 7
I did not invite my current boss. He has not been my boss all that long, and we are rarely in contact at work. On a personal level I don’t care much for him and have no desire to socialize with him outside of the office.
After the fact I’m glad I didn’t. When he asked me where my wedding had been and I told him, he made some comments about how ritzy/expensive the place was. The place really was right around the same in cost as most wedding places in my town, plus its none of his business what it cost. It made me think he was judging what I was earning or something, which is not necessarily applicable since our parents could have paid or whatever.
I might have invited my former boss if she was still my boss. I worked closer with her and actually liked her on a personal basis. I don’t think I would have gotten snide comments about expenses or whatever from her.
I think it is not required or expected to invite the boss unless it’s a very small office or work group and you are close to them. Or if you invite the rest of the office, then I’d say invite the boss as well.
Post # 8
@MrsNewDay: Work relationships are not social relationships. If you are not friends outside of work, there is no need or obligation to invite your boss to a very personal event.
I didnt invite my boss.
Post # 9
Work != personal life. Unless my company is super cool, I don’t cross them. I wouldn’t invite my boss unless we had a personal relationship outside of work.
Post # 10
@JenGirl: Yes, that’s what I’m thinking too. My boss has a VERY busy work schedule – works on weekends during the close and other times during the year. Plus he has a family. I feel that inviting him may actually be seen as a burden to him. My coworker said that they will still send a gift, but again – he’s got a family and is uber busy – why cause him an extra headache? I did invite a couple coworkers that I am chummy with AND spent time with outside of work (hence they know I enjoy my cocktails). It’s going to be bad enough with having my judgmental mom there – I don’t want to be “professional” at my wedding.
I think the etiquette rule was from the days when people were in small towns, and it was a matter of everyone knowing everyone. I think in this day and age, it’s probably one of those etiquette rules that fades unless you are chummy with your boss.
Post # 11
“Your Boss: Although it may seem awkward not to invite your boss, it may be even more awkward to invite him or her, especially if no one else from work is on your guest list. While etiquette once dictated that your boss was a must-invite, I say it depends on your office culture, the size of your team, and how comfortable you feel around your boss in general. Your wedding is intimate, no matter how many guests you have, and you want to feel at ease.“
Plenty of online advice and different opinions. But most of which depend on the BRIDE or GROOMS relationship and comfort level with their boss.
But this is probably the best advice: Think of the most embarassing or most intimate thing that can happen during your wedding… how comfortable are you knowing your boss will witness that. Actuually that’s a good rule of thumb for ALL your guests period.
Post # 12
@Zhabeego: Exactly! That’s what I thought. Hence, I was surprised by my coworker’s logic. Only that coworker (by default) and another coworker I actually do socialize after hours were invited to my wedding. I try not to break any more work/life boundaries.
Post # 13
I didn’t invite my supervisor or any of my co-workers.
Post # 14
@eena_banana: Thank you for this! This is very helpful. Ha. The “intimate” thing is why my FI and I are getting married at city hall with only witnesses present. Honestly, I like my cocktails, and FI’s friends drink A LOT. I don’t really want my boss witnessing that.
Post # 15
Ugh, I’m wrestling with the same dilemma as we speak! Except in my case, my boss does not care for me but I guess the idea of free food and booze appealed to her so she sort of invited herself (actually, what she said was, “I *better* be invited!”). She is literally the LAST person I want at my wedding but she also has the ability to make my life a living Hell, so…
But if I were in your shoes, I would avoid the whole question by not inviting anyone from work unless you’re super-duper close and hang out away from work on a regular basis. I’ve never heard of the tradition that your boss *must* be invited to your wedding, so if you don’t want to, then don’t!
Post # 16
Every wedding I’ve been to has had coworkers and bosses invited. I thought it was sort of a given.