(Closed) some advice needed for the waiting bee….

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Welcome to the hive! Hopefully posting here about all your wedding wants/wishes will help you not to pressure him, and realizing you’re not alone and that there are lots of waiting bees. It’s hard, but hang in there! 

Post # 4
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

Being here and knowing i’m not alone has definitely taken the edge off.  I would ask for a timeline.  Express you need for marriage and ask if he has any timeline for when you should be married by. He doesnt have to give you a play by play, but if he says “I’m thinking in the next 6 months i will have the money to buy a ring and then do it” at least you know. 

Post # 5
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

It just seems to me that you are eager to get married for the wrong reason. You wrote:

“Friends of ours got engaged in July and this girl has been driving me nuts ever since. ” and “After our friends engagement I feel like someone’s tugging on my heart a little bit every time I see this girl and she’s “wedding this, wedding that…” when they haven’t picked a date yet…”

So because of this girl, you feel a sudden craze that your boyfriend has to propose? I feel like you are treating marriage like it is something trendy to just do. Besides, if your friend has such a terrible relationship, maybe they will be divorced by the time you are “meant” to be married.

I think you need to reevaluate what is most important to you. Planning a wedding or planning for your career? At your age, without hesitation would I have thought career. Everybody has different values though. As long as you want to get married for the *right* reasons and not just because of some silly pressure you are putting on yourself because of what “everyone” else seems to be doing (when in reality MOST people your age are NOT planning for marriage!).

At the end of the day, if you plan on being with this person for the rest of your life what difference does it make if he proposes to you now or next year?

Post # 7
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

Yep just the kind of response I would expect of someone your age 😉 By the way there are plenty of younger brides on this site. Your defensiveness indicates immaturity. You did not acknowlege anything else that was mentioned in my response to you.

Wish you the best!

Post # 8
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MissKinwaiting: I don’t think anyone is trying to attack you.  But, you are in a difficult, frustrating situation.  Waiting SUCKS.  I’ve been with SO for 6.5 years.  Like you, we starting looking at rings this fall.  I thought for SURE the proposal would be over NYE…it wasn’t.  Waiting is full of phases.  There’s stages of denial and excitment and jealousy and craziness and obsessiveness…the list goes on and on.  Eventually, you will hopefully reach the stage of acceptance.  This is a peaceful state where you love the one you’re with, love the fact you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person, and you practice the most amount of patience you can muster (some days will be far better than others…I have stories).  These boards and this community has been a great support.  I hope you find the same here. 

Post # 9
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

maybe he is saying that the symbolism isn’t important because he is worried that he won’t be able to afford the rings you like (or that he thinks you like). Are the rings you looked at in a realistic budget for you and him?

Post # 12
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MissKinwaiting: That’s the attitude:  focus on what you need to put your life and your world exactly where you want it be so when SO decides the “time is right,” you guys will be ready.  Age can definately be a tough thing, especially when peers are off getting married and starting families.  Take a look at the Bee bloggers here…there’s such a variety of ages, locations and backgrounds…it’s facinating to learn about everyone and their journey to the altar.  Age is relative.  I know a lot of people express concern to getting married young.  I know people who married young and are already divorced (FYI: I’m 27)…but I also have friends who married young and are happier than ever.  It’s all relative.  Do be careful on this site, it’s like crack and each day I’m more addicted.  🙂

Post # 14
Member
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MissKinwaiting: I think you took what smiles said the wrong way.  When people bring up age, it’s because we remember what it’s like to be your age; it’s not meant to attack you or patronize you.  It’s because in your early 20s you learn SO much about yourself.  You’ll look back in 2,3, 4 years, and realize how much you’ve changed and grown.  Life takes us in directions we don’t expect.  While that’s true at any age, it’s ESPECIALLY true in your early 20s.  That’s why some of us believe that it’s generally better to wait a year or two until you guys are a little more settled down.  Science even shows that you don’t have a mature brain until about 26, so the “too young” stuff isn’t just coming from a bunch of crotchety old geezers trying being a bunch of party poopers.  

 

As for the symbolism of the ring, even on the low end, rings are expensive.  You’re wrapping up your education and you guys just bought a motorcycle.  Everyone wants the ring.  Sometimes reality doesn’t make the dream ring possible, or it takes a long time to get what we want.  

 

You asked the best way to keep quiet about it all.  I’d say just be conscious of the fact that you guys are on the same page, you’re lucky enough to find your soulmate a young age, and that you’re with someone who’s said he’ll make it happen best he can.  And while it’s tough to see your friend get to the engagement stage before you, it sounds like she’s rushing into something that’s a really bad idea.  It’s really not a situation to be envied.  

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