(Closed) Some days I regret how long my engagement is…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Jacqui90:  Why does anyone need to know how long you have been engaged?  They don’t.  Tell them you got engaged 3 weeks ago!  And it only matters how long you’ve been married ๐Ÿ˜‰  The longer your engagement, the more solid your marriage is likely to be, because you’ve been a solid support to each other through thick and thin.  Best Wishes!

Post # 4
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017 - Southern Highlands

I think it’s really important to remember everything you’ve been through during your engagement. I have never had a mental illness, but my FH has had depression and I am studying psychology, so I know quite a bit about it and it can really put your life on hold for while. The people reacting to how long your engagement has been don’t know the whole story, and you should try to not take it to heart. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can to get back on track and working hard to afford to live independently, which is great.

What kind of wedding are you looking for? One option you could consider is an elopment type if wedding (like a registry wedding with a couple witnesses) once you can afford to move out together, and then have a bigger celebration on an anniversary to have all the guests you want, etc. My cousin did that – she’s been married since February but celebrating her wedding in Hawaii in a few weeks because of financial reasons and because her husband is American and needed an Australian working visa (they are both living in Australia right now) which he had some trouble getting, so being married made it easier. They just coudln’t afford the ‘proper’ wedding yet so they delayed that part. So of course it is up to you and what you are comfortable with, but that is one way you could at least be married and you can still have a proper celebration down the track when you can afford it.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  miroch52.
Post # 6
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

It sucks that you feel judged, and I can understand how overwhelmed you must feel. But there is nothing wrong with a long engagement, especially considering all you’ve had to deal with lately. Nobody gets special points for having the perfect length engagement; if you’re going to be together for a lifetime, none of this will matter in 10 years. Focus on getting your life stable and don’t worry about what people think.

Post # 8
Member
4249 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I say this with kindness because I know you have been through a lot…please don’t think you need everything “just so” and in order to get married.  It sounds like you want everything just so and life unfortunately does not work that way.  I married my husband when my job was insecure and he had just started not-awesome temp work (which he is still doing to this day until he starts his new job in January).

Do you absolutely need to finish your graduate studies right now?  Can they go on the back burner for a year or two more?  If you put off the graduate studies and work full time for a stint, then you may find moving out/a wedding will be easier to save up for.  I can only imagine how frustrated you are with the length of your engagement.  I can definitely understand wanting to get your depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder under control…however life can throw us curveballs, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to delay getting married by that many years.  

Post # 10
Member
8589 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Jacqui90:  

I dunno OP, I know you said money isn’t the reason you are waiting , but you don’t really mention a good reason  for waiting at all. Just get married. You love him,  he loves you , a nice little  elegant wedding with just the  closest people .Lovely, and could be organised  in a matter of months.

Post # 11
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Couldn’t you use the money your families are prepared to give for your wedding towards setting up your new home together and then have a small, inexpensive wedding now so that you are married. Like a PP said, you love each other and want to be married, just do it. 

Post # 12
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

But you’ve accomplished so much! Well done you. I have battled some mean depression and anxiety, and I know how hard it is to come back from that. It’s hard! So give yourself a beak on that front. As for education and marriage, I genuinely believe you’ve done the right thing in wanting to be secure before you tie the knot. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with long engagements. I admire them, I think it’s pretty special to be so prepared for marriage, and it’s a lovely time. I understand your frustration though. I’d think about getting married sooner for that reason. If money isn’t the issue, then getting wed and going through a rough year or two finance wise together won’t be such a bad thing. It may even be beneficial to your relationship/marriage. 

Post # 14
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Have you considered getting a part time job as a server? Most places will work around the schedule of a student and you can make bank. I would make at least $150-200 a shift working at a sports bar. Great for paying off bills and saving up a nest egg for your future. 

 

EDIT: Never mind, I see this was recommended in your past threads and rejected. Such a shame. Good luck OP. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Sancerre.
Post # 15
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

There are other jobs like cashier or bar work. They often need staff! Or a bank teller. Get someone from your uni to help with your cv so it’s nicer and more polished

 

 

 

 

 

 

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