(Closed) Some days I regret how long my engagement is…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 91
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Jacqui90:  You will move on in your life when you choose to, not before. You are in charge of your life, despite your diagnosis of mental illness.There are lots of people worldwide with a mental illness who have conquered that diagnosis and made a success of their life.

Post # 92
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

Jacqui90:  yes, i like your idea- definitely try ritalin.  Even better, try adderall.  I know lots of people would have some ethical objection to that suggestion, but I do think something like adderall *could* give you the jumpstart you’re looking for.  So why not just give it a try? You are stuck in a rut and I think in your case you need something to pull you out of it because people on this thread just  telling you “you need to decide to bet motivated” obviously isn’t helpful. 

For whatever reason, while you’re getting on other people’s nerves, you’re getting to me in a different way and I just feel for you and want you to feel good. A key idea that people are missing is that everybody experiences consciousness in a different way.  You can’t know what it’s like to be me. I can’t know what it’s like to be you. Everyone’s natural level of motivation, happiness, etc. is different.  People who pulled themselves up by the bootstraps and worked even when it was hard for them STILL might have had a higher starting level of motivation/different cognitive resources than you.   We’re all experiencing life in a different way and it’s just too easy to say “I did it so you should be able to do it”. 

I also understand that bar work and server work sounds miserable to a person with bad social anxiety.  To a typical/sociable person it’s easy and fun, but again, we all experience things differently.

I think volunteering 1 day a week was a good baby step.  Continue looking for things to get you out of the house and doing meaninful work more days out of the week.  I know in the beginning it’s stressful while you’re applying and then learning the new job, but finding purpose at a job with more hours than 1 day/week could eventually lead you out of depression. I know you’re already trying to find work but I just wanted to support you in that and encourage you not to give up in finding a job even if it’s not perfect. 

 

Post # 93
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Jacqui90:  Here is a much better quote: “If you’re searching for that one person who will change your life…take a look in the mirror.”

You are dead wrong if you believe “not everyone is that person for themselves.” Few things are hardline, no exceptions in life. But this is one of them. You will absolutely never change yourself, your life, or stay motivated to be a certain way if you expect or rely on someone else be the influence for you to do so. It simply will not happen. It’s also not fair to put that kind of pressure on someone else. Maybe someone else can inspire you or motivate you to do something here and there…but real sustainable change can ONLY come from you.

Post # 95
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

It’s been a month now, any update? Did you get adderall? How is it going?

Post # 96
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

I think it is amazing that you to have been through so much together, that really says a lot. You both have been through so much and survived so you know you can make it through anything. That is super important when it comes to a marriage! So look at it this way, you have been training for marriage and now you are more prepared than you every were before, so you know it’s going to be your happily ever after!:) 

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