- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
For whatever reason, while you’re getting on other people’s nerves, you’re getting to me in a different way and I just feel for you and want you to feel good. A key idea that people are missing is that everybody experiences consciousness in a different way. You can’t know what it’s like to be me. I can’t know what it’s like to be you. Everyone’s natural level of motivation, happiness, etc. is different. People who pulled themselves up by the bootstraps and worked even when it was hard for them STILL might have had a higher starting level of motivation/different cognitive resources than you. We’re all experiencing life in a different way and it’s just too easy to say “I did it so you should be able to do it”.
I also understand that bar work and server work sounds miserable to a person with bad social anxiety. To a typical/sociable person it’s easy and fun, but again, we all experience things differently.
I think volunteering 1 day a week was a good baby step. Continue looking for things to get you out of the house and doing meaninful work more days out of the week. I know in the beginning it’s stressful while you’re applying and then learning the new job, but finding purpose at a job with more hours than 1 day/week could eventually lead you out of depression. I know you’re already trying to find work but I just wanted to support you in that and encourage you not to give up in finding a job even if it’s not perfect.
You are dead wrong if you believe “not everyone is that person for themselves.” Few things are hardline, no exceptions in life. But this is one of them. You will absolutely never change yourself, your life, or stay motivated to be a certain way if you expect or rely on someone else be the influence for you to do so. It simply will not happen. It’s also not fair to put that kind of pressure on someone else. Maybe someone else can inspire you or motivate you to do something here and there…but real sustainable change can ONLY come from you.
I agree with you about the ‘I did it so you should be able to do it’ comments. Also related to those are the ‘other people suffer from similar illnesses or worse circumstances and motivate themselves, work hard & succeed’ comments. I certainly don’t understand what it is like to be you, another bee or any other person!
This week I have done two days of volunteering (in a row rather than a day off in between) and I was mentally drained & exhausted but I didn’t get any less done at home than I would have if I only volunteered one day.
It’s been a month now, any update? Did you get adderall? How is it going?
I think it is amazing that you to have been through so much together, that really says a lot. You both have been through so much and survived so you know you can make it through anything. That is super important when it comes to a marriage! So look at it this way, you have been training for marriage and now you are more prepared than you every were before, so you know it’s going to be your happily ever after!:)
Here is my thread about the medication, with update. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/is-anyone-on-or-has-anyone-been-on-ritalin-methylphenidate/
ETA: I have enrolled in two courses for next semester and three for the following one. I am very nervous given how soon it is to next year and how little I have noticed any effect at all from the Ritalin. On top of that the length of time I had to wait to get it in the first place, coupled with possibly the same wait for any other medication if we change over and it is damn scary.
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