(Closed) Some issues that I need some advice with…

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@havingissues:  I haven’t been in this situation, but my thought is this: Pride does not build your savings account back up. I would move back to wherever you are from IF, 1. It’s better financially and 2. He has a guaranteed job. Best of luck, whatever you guys decide to do!

Post # 4
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Does he do the bills at all? Is he really in-tune with the finances? If not, you should sit down with him one day and really explain to him your cash flow, and why it’s so stressful.

Also, not that you should HAVE to do this, but if you are up for it, have you thought about taking on a 2nd part time job too? It might help you put your mind at ease, if he’s having trouble getting work. Sometimes employers pass up individuals who haven’t had a job in a while, so the market might be more amenable to you having the extra income. If you are totally not on board for that (which I could definitely understand), maybe you could suggest that your Darling Husband volunteers in a field that’s somewhere close to his desired profession. It looks good on a resume, and it also might help him network a little better to be fruitful in his job hunt.

Post # 5
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

To me, it seems like you need to have a frank, honest discussion about your finances with him. If he has no idea what you are doing to keep the bills paid, then you need to tell him. Tell him what emotional toll all this stress is having on you. You need to be honest and laid all your cards on the table. Finances are the #1 reason that couples get divorced, so you guys really need to come to some kind of understanding.

Get together bank statements, bills, etc. Write out what your incoming and outgoing income is. SHOW him that you guys don’t have much longer on what is left in your savings. Men sometimes don’t understand something unless they see it in plain black-and-white.

Post # 5
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m really sorry you are going through this.

…just some thoughts, I hope it helps:

1) are you 100% sure there is job for Darling Husband if you move back.  And, if so, does Darling Husband perhaps not want it (and that’s why he doesn’t want to go back).

2) I do know that your DH’s ability to find work and provide must be seriously taking it’s toll on your marriage.  I don’t know what it is with guys – but that sense of pride in work, etc is such a key thing to who they are as a husband/man.

3) what does Darling Husband say he wants to do when the savings runs out?  Does he expect to go into debt (and is he ok with that) or does he just think he’s going to find a job somehow?

4) is there anything you can do to cut expenses (ie: move to a cheaper place, etc)?

I know it’s easy to get wrapped in the feeling sorry for yourself.  The best thing I can do is to remind you that you are a team and are struggling together.  As hard as it is for you – it is hard for your husband too.  Big hugs to you.

Post # 6
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Is there any way he can apply for and get offered the job before you move?  If he’s already got one lined up, he’d have no reason not to want to move back.

Post # 7
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is he getting unemployment? Maybe look into that.

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