(Closed) One of my vendors seems to think he's a guest

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Do you have a contract spelling out exactly what his duties are? I think as long as his ability to do his job isn’t impaired and he acts like a proffesional while serving the hours you’re paying for, you can’t control what he does at the other times. 

Post # 4
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If this person is a vendor and is not receiving an invitation as a guest, then they do not get to invite a +1!  

However – as you’ve describe it here, it sounds like this person is a friend and should really be a guest.  You should hire a bartender that is a vendor only (not a “friendor”) that will act professionally for your event.  What you’re doing here is paying this person to be your wedding guest. 

Post # 7
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Overjoyed:  He might have been kidding with you….or just saying things, like men do from time to time….PLUS, the bartender is this nebulous and charismatic creature, having been one for years I understand that while you are working, you are also one of the most popular people in the room….and I know everyone has their own style of slinging drinks, but, by the end of the night, there were always a few people that had planted themselves near the bar and we’d chat while I worked, tell stories…you know, the bartender thing…it’s not a mechanical process or like serving people food…it’s more personal than that, somehow.

The guest thing is stupid, unless that person is going to bar back from him…otherwise I would ask what the hell he thought he was doing.

Post # 8
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - W Hotel Silicon Valley

This sounds extremely unprofessional to me… I would have a chat with him and say something about how you hope he understands that you’ve contracted with him for a service and while you’re happy that he is excited, you’d appreciate his professionalism during the event. I would also make absolutely sure to let him know that he does not get a +1, don’t leave a gray area for this. How is he supposed to be serving drinks AND entertaining a +1?? He is not a guest. Period.

Post # 9
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Overjoyed:  Sounds like you need to have a talk with your bartender and explain your concerns.  He is not a guest. He does not get a plus one.  He does not get to drink at your events.  He must act professionally, just as he would at any other job he’d take. That means no hitting on guests, no profane language, no leaving the bar to go ‘hang out’ etc.  

It’s great that he’s excited about your event, but you’re hiring him as a vendor.  However from what you’ve described here, he must think that your relationship is closer than you do. Sounds like he might be disappointed when he realizes that you were really just hiring him as a vendor and weren’t inviting him to your wedding as a friend.

Post # 11
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Overjoyed:  Well, he’s a big boy, and I think it bears bringing up….lest we make an ass of ourselves later on…I get it though, what a weird thing to do…?

Post # 12
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hmmmm. I might “fire” that guy and just invite him as a guest. It’s usually better not to hire friends, I think, because the boundaries are so difficult to negotiate.

Post # 13
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

its pretty standard to say a vendor cant drink at wedding itself. but you’d never tell any other vendor they cant drink the night before so i wouldnt with him

how far is the DW? i know you say youre paying the going rate, but if he is paying travel and accomodation then he will see it as more of a vacation as i assume going rate wont make a dent in those costs?

is he only serving drinks after ceremony and at cocktail hour? then he becomes a guest? or what

plus 1 is rude tho

Post # 14
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If I were you, I’d say:

 

“hey, I’ve been thinking about it and if you want to attend the wedding only as a guest, that’s totally fine. we can cancel the contract and you can recommend someone else or i’ll find someone else. i really don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on the fun, and i also don’t want the bartender not focused on his job. so what do you say? it’s totally up to you”

Post # 16
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Overjoyed:  ok well thats perfect, it makes things clearer (well, to my mind)

i think you can definitely outline what you want him to wear. i also think you can say that if he’s working he’s not drinking. and he doesnt get a plus 1.

in terms of the night before, i think like any other vendor you just need to hope that hes professional/together enough not to be so crazy the night before he cant work. i cant think how to mention it without looking odd

best of luck!!

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