Post # 1
Member
3262 posts
Sugar bee
My bartender is probably the first vendor I interviewed because I knew for sure that I wanted several signature drinks and we are also having a few wedding-related parties throughout the Destination Wedding weekend and I think it’s best to have someone I can trust behind the stick (rather than picking some local person from a distance and hoping for the best).
Well, I don’t think “friend” is too strong a word to use for the person I hired, but I am paying about the going rate for his services (not a friendor). Anyway, I notice that whenever we talk about the wedding he’s all “it’s going to be a blast! I’m gonna pick up mad girls, I’m gonna be out of my mind and so on.” I also learned that he invited someone else to be his +1.
My concern is that he sees my event as a vacation for himself and I’m slightly worried that he is not going to conduct himself professionally. i.e., he cannot go out drinking the night before the wedding with everybody else, he has to serve drinks after the ceremony and at the cocktail hour. I would think he would know this, but his attitude about this job seems much more casual than I care for. Worse, I would be sickened to know that he tried to hit on one of my guests. Finally, how dare he invite a +1? The intended +1 is a mutual acquaintance and told me about it, but I would have been FURIOUS if he showed up with another person that I had to feed.
What to do?
Post # 3
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
Do you have a contract spelling out exactly what his duties are? I think as long as his ability to do his job isn’t impaired and he acts like a proffesional while serving the hours you’re paying for, you can’t control what he does at the other times.
Post # 4
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
If this person is a vendor and is not receiving an invitation as a guest, then they do not get to invite a +1!
However – as you’ve describe it here, it sounds like this person is a friend and should really be a guest. You should hire a bartender that is a vendor only (not a “friendor”) that will act professionally for your event. What you’re doing here is paying this person to be your wedding guest.
Post # 5
Member
3262 posts
Sugar bee
@chasesgirl: We do have a contract spelling out his duties (and they are extensive) but there is no mention made of his conduct. But the way he talks about the wedding has me thinking of requesting a re-write and including things like “bartender may not drink during wedding events” and “bartender must be dressed in x manner at all events.” And then some of the things I’m most worried about cannot really be put into a contract such as “bartender may not use foul language in the presence of wedding guests” and “bartender may not be hungover at morning events,” lol. I really don’t feel I should have to do this and I don’t want to do it as I don’t want to be insulting. But he really has me worried. But by the same token, I want to manage expectations before it’s too late. Ugh.
Post # 6
Member
3262 posts
Sugar bee
@sarahblais: long sigh at “paying him to be my wedding guest,” lol. That’s kinda what it sounds like, huh? I know him because we’re liquor industry colleagues and we see each other once or twice a year at conferences and tradeshows. We’ve kept in touch but are not at all BFFs. I wouldn’t call him a friendor because (1) he’s not doing this a favor and(2) he’s extremely talented and even if I didn’t know him, I would have sought him out anyway because he is respected in our field.
Now my homegirl who’s coming to do my hair and makeup for the price of a plane ticket? Now THAT’s what I call a friendor! lol
Post # 7
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
@Overjoyed: He might have been kidding with you….or just saying things, like men do from time to time….PLUS, the bartender is this nebulous and charismatic creature, having been one for years I understand that while you are working, you are also one of the most popular people in the room….and I know everyone has their own style of slinging drinks, but, by the end of the night, there were always a few people that had planted themselves near the bar and we’d chat while I worked, tell stories…you know, the bartender thing…it’s not a mechanical process or like serving people food…it’s more personal than that, somehow.
The guest thing is stupid, unless that person is going to bar back from him…otherwise I would ask what the hell he thought he was doing.
Post # 8
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: August 2012 - W Hotel Silicon Valley
This sounds extremely unprofessional to me… I would have a chat with him and say something about how you hope he understands that you’ve contracted with him for a service and while you’re happy that he is excited, you’d appreciate his professionalism during the event. I would also make absolutely sure to let him know that he does not get a +1, don’t leave a gray area for this. How is he supposed to be serving drinks AND entertaining a +1?? He is not a guest. Period.
Post # 9
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
@Overjoyed: Sounds like you need to have a talk with your bartender and explain your concerns. He is not a guest. He does not get a plus one. He does not get to drink at your events. He must act professionally, just as he would at any other job he’d take. That means no hitting on guests, no profane language, no leaving the bar to go ‘hang out’ etc.
It’s great that he’s excited about your event, but you’re hiring him as a vendor. However from what you’ve described here, he must think that your relationship is closer than you do. Sounds like he might be disappointed when he realizes that you were really just hiring him as a vendor and weren’t inviting him to your wedding as a friend.
Post # 10
Member
3262 posts
Sugar bee
@Nona99: I presented the idea of a barback during the original contact negotiation and he said he didn’t need one. So imagine my surprise when I went to teach a spirits tasting class for one of my sommelier friends and she was like “hey, Jake invited me to your wedding.” Wait. what?
I agree that the bartender is a nebulous and mysterious creature, lol. Most of my concerns are something that a (1) seem woefully inappropriate to put in writing and (2) things that he might feel will stifle his drink slinging style
Post # 11
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
@Overjoyed: Well, he’s a big boy, and I think it bears bringing up….lest we make an ass of ourselves later on…I get it though, what a weird thing to do…?
Post # 12
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
Hmmmm. I might “fire” that guy and just invite him as a guest. It’s usually better not to hire friends, I think, because the boundaries are so difficult to negotiate.
Post # 13
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
its pretty standard to say a vendor cant drink at wedding itself. but you’d never tell any other vendor they cant drink the night before so i wouldnt with him
how far is the DW? i know you say youre paying the going rate, but if he is paying travel and accomodation then he will see it as more of a vacation as i assume going rate wont make a dent in those costs?
is he only serving drinks after ceremony and at cocktail hour? then he becomes a guest? or what
plus 1 is rude tho
Post # 14
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
If I were you, I’d say:
“hey, I’ve been thinking about it and if you want to attend the wedding only as a guest, that’s totally fine. we can cancel the contract and you can recommend someone else or i’ll find someone else. i really don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on the fun, and i also don’t want the bartender not focused on his job. so what do you say? it’s totally up to you”
Post # 15
Member
3262 posts
Sugar bee
@newname_99: Good question re: “the going rate” vs. travel expenses. I am paying travel expenses for all my vendors and offered to do the same for him. However, he specifically told me that he would rather I give him the amount as a part of his fee and have him book his own flight/stay. So technically, yes, I covered the cost of his travel. But I didn’t personally book it for him as I did with everyone else. I believe his rationale was that he can get his own accomodations cheaper if he books himself (not likely, but whatevs) and he can just keep the remainder. Makes no difference to me. Also, overall if I booked his stay, he wasn’t going to get “guest” treatment. No suite. No welcome kit. No complimentary airport pickup. No haircut/spa-day invite. Empty fridge (I’m stocking all my guests’ fridge with breakfast items) etc.
@bebero: That’s the thing, he wouldn’t be invited as a guest. We’re not that close. If I wasn’t planning to hire him as a vendor, he probably would have learned of my marriage after the fact (or via twitter or something). He’s a bartender, or he’s not coming.
@geekspice: If I fire him (and I truly don’t want to at this stage in the game) he won’t be coming at all. Under any other circumstances, he would not have made the guest list.
@Nona99: Point taken. Talk now. Ass later. Got it. Lol.
Post # 16
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
@Overjoyed: ok well thats perfect, it makes things clearer (well, to my mind)
i think you can definitely outline what you want him to wear. i also think you can say that if he’s working he’s not drinking. and he doesnt get a plus 1.
in terms of the night before, i think like any other vendor you just need to hope that hes professional/together enough not to be so crazy the night before he cant work. i cant think how to mention it without looking odd
best of luck!!
