Post # 1
Hi Everyone, I’m a little new and planning a May 2013 wedding….
I’m looking for some advice and getting out a little vent at the same time…
I’m normally not one to share life details on facebook, but against my better judgement when we booked our reception site I posted “made it offical 360 days til our wedding” with that came a comment from an old friend, someone I spent 1 year in college with….11 years ago! We got connected through facebook and we comment on pictures, status updates etc but I haven’t seen her since she decided not to return to school, 11 years ago..She was from my area but is now living out west. Well she has assumed she is invited to our wedding and already making plans to venture out here. I will be inviting 2 other people from my time in college who I have stayed in contact with, visited each other, attended thier weddings etc. She’s made comments to them about “finally being able to attend a wedding”.
Then tonight, one of my college friends I am inviting sent me a text saying, she also got a comment about her attending the event. She said that since she already knows her husband can’t attend with her that our friend I haven’t seen in 11 years can attend as her guest!
How do I go about this politely? Like I said she is from my area originally and if she wants to make plans to come out here and visit while out other friends are here thats beyond my control but how do I let her know she isn’t invited, or should I just allow her to come as the guest of my invited friend. If I had no limits on our guest list sure I’d invite her but I’m already having a hard time with the amound of people, my poor FH has an super small family, my family list totals 110!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Unless the friend says something to you personally, I don’t think you can really say anything to her about it.
However- you can tell you married friend- the invite would be for her and her husband- not intended for her and a guest. You can format your reply cards so that it’s very specific who’s invited. (Another bee came up with this reply card, which I think is brilliant!)
Post # 4
Unless she is someone you’d rather avoid – she’s unpleasant or you just have a bad history – I’d say let her come as the friend’s date. She’s clearly really excited for you, and that’s a nice person to have at your wedding.
Post # 5
If you have a limit I would just kindly say “I’m sorry, we’re trying to keep it small & want to be sure all of our family/close friends can attend”. As for the RSVP, I agree with the PP, or put “we have reserved __ seats for you” and put 1 if she knows her husband won’t be there.
Post # 6
Thank you both,
I do feel bad because she does seem very excited for me…I guess I just couldn’t imagine assuming I’m invited to someones wedding….There’s really nothing wrong with her attending with my other friend, especially if I was already planning for 2 guests.
Post # 7
@sarahjane822: that’s why I would tend to agree to let her be your friend’s plus 1. It’s a sticky situation, and there’s no right or wrong. If you can’t fit her in, don’t be afraid to say so, but if it’s not going to change anything (you were budgeting for that extra guest-the husband) you might want to just let her come. She’s happy for you, and maybe she wants to reconnect. It’s a small world also…burning bridges is never a good idea.
Post # 8
@sarahjane822: Oh dear. This is why I never post anything on facebook. I suppose its not the end of the world if she comes if you already were planning on 2 for your friend but it really is totally up to you. If you send her a thank you so much for thinking about me and wanting to be there on my special day but its too soon to know what the guest list will be and budget and I may want to keep this strictly close friends and family but I will defintaly squeeze you in if possible! 🙂
Post # 9
Post # 10
@Miss T-Rex: Ya know something told me not to post anything on facebook at first, its usually not my style, I don’t use it as a diary or anything like that, but I thought hey what could it hurt and not longer after that I was regretting it…
Post # 11
I’m on the oposite side of the fence – I don’t agree with PPs. If you didn’t plan to invite your old pal to your wedding then she’s not going to be on the guest list, and if she attends it’s really as a “crasher.” It was kind of your other college friend to offer to bring the pal as a her guest, but what if things change and her hubby can attend? (I think it was rather presumptuous of her to offer this option in the first place – particularly if she discussed it with the other pal… I’m sure it came from a good place, but still, it would irk me.)
I’m not sure that there’s much you can POLITELY do to discourage your old pal at this point, but you can certainly remain absolutely silent regarding your wedding plans. And I do think it’s entirely appropriate to tell your other college friend “I’m trying to keep my wedding small and intimate. Fiance and I decided we would only be inviting people we have actively had a relationship with over the last 5 years. [or whatever] While I really appreciate your kindness in offering up your husband’s seat to Old Pal, Fiance & I intended that invitation for the two of you; and we hope that he’ll be able to join us – though we understand the chances are looking slim at the moment.”
If the old pal makes a comment directly to you, then at THAT point you might have an opening to say something along the lines of “oh, we’re really trying to keep the guest list small. Thank you for being so excited for us, it means a lot to me. I hope you understand though, at this point it doesn’t seem that we’ll have room for many guests beyond our family and a very few friends.”
Post # 12
Just let her come since she is happy for you.
Post # 13
I don’t see the problem with letting your friend bring her as her date, if she was going to be allowed a guest (her husband) anyway it should change your numbers.
Post # 14
you need to make sure her husband can not attend things can change in a year. I think it would b easier to nip it in the bud so you do not have to worry about it. you shouldnt feel presured to have anyone at your wedding its your day not theirs.