Post # 1
TL;DR: my.fiance is 50, I’m mid-30s. We reea made our guest lists ages ago. Invites went out June 1, due back Aug 1 (basically next week). Kent of his college classmates were invited, but not all of them. The best man is a college mate who heard from another college classmate who wantwa invited that he is “very sad and disappointed” that he, his wife, and their two teenage kids weren’t invited. Now my fiancee wants to invite them “or else he’ll hate us for life.” What?! How do people in their 50s not understand wedding ettiquite basics?
I didn’t intend to leave them out, but I also didn’t know. We’re also not good friends with them (I’ve met the husband once and found him rather rude TBH). Separately, another classmate of theirs was invited with his wife and sent back the RSVP for three people (guessing they mean one of their teenage kids). Wooow. 🙄
So do we just invite them late and risk 1) making things worse/being rude, or 2) having too many people for our venue plus $$?
Now my fiancee is mad at me for resisting inviting them. Help!
Post # 2
Short answer: no.
However, if you Fiance is keen it may be worth considering!
Post # 4
Thanks– sorry for all the phone typos! For some reason I’m having tribute editing it. Glad I was somehow understood. 😲
Post # 5
If your fi genuinely wants them there I might wait until the RSVP deadline and, if you get any declines, then reconsider.
Otherwise I wouldn’t.
Post # 6
If someone is the type to “hate you for life” if you don’t invite them to your wedding, then they’re probably also the type who will at the very least dislike you immensely for life if you invite them later than you invite everyone else, thereby making it seem like they’re on the B list. I wouldn’t invite them.
Post # 7
If he’d wanted them he’d have invited them in the first place. They sound like the type of people who will complain if they get a late invite anyway. I wouldn’t bother to be honest.
Post # 8
This is what your fiancé needs to say to this dude: “I’m sorry, X. We made our guest list and had space limitations set by our venue. But I’m looking forward to seeing you at Y!”
As for the people who RSVP for a kind that wasn’t invited, say something about “The invitation was only for you and your wife. Our venue is not child-appropriate because of Z reason. We can help arrange a babysitter for your child!”
Post # 9
I don’t see how it could make anything better. He already knows he isn’t invited. If your Fiance invites him at this point, it will be clear that it was a B list invite that was only sent to him because he complained about it. A pity invite. How is that any better? Plus, he doesn’t sound like someone you are close with or WANT to be close with, so I don’t see the point of inviting him to the wedding at all.
Post # 10
There’s no need to invite them, but let’s be clear on something: the best man is kind of the asshole in this situation. The distant friends are totally allowed to feel disappointment over not being invited, and they’re allowed to talk about their disappointment to their friends (within reason — they don’t get to tell the entire town). The best man should have the good sense to not pass those comments along.
Post # 11
marlos : it’s a little awkward because we did invite other people’s children. In this case, the kids are 17 and 18 and my Fiance called me not to invite them. 🤷
Post # 12
yadayadayada : forget about all the “if we don’t, they’ll hate us” and “if we do, it’ll be awkward” stuff. do YOU (and i mean you and FI) WANT to invite them to the wedding? if yes, invite them. if no, don’t. it really is that simple. do you want them there?
Post # 13
If they were overlooked in the initial guestlist, clearly they are not close enough friends you need to have the there. It’s rude and immature to complain about not being invited to a wedding. Buddy needs to get over it.
No, don’t invite someone to wedding because they complained. Either you want them there or you don’t.
Post # 14
yadayadayada : In this case, then you made a mistake. In my opinion (others may disagree) if you invite any kids, you should invite them all, excluding those living outside the home. I think you’re obliged to make room for the teens.
Post # 15
As for the couples RSVPing for additional people tell them that they RSVP’d for extra people and the invitation was for Mr. and Mrs. X. People should be able to have a life and go to events separate from their grown children.
As for the “friends” since they are your fiance’s people I think you should let your fiance handle it. My opinion is that they do not sound like (close) friends and so should not be invited, and also that an invitation at this point would be rude like an afterthought. I also think that if someone if not important enough to invite (aside from if you elope) then it does not matter if they hate you.
If the person who complained was friends with the best man, then I don’t think he was out of line for complaining. I think he would have been out of line for complaining TO YOU but people are allowed to vent to their friends.