Someone complained to the best man that they weren't invited

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Invite them?
    Yes : (1 votes)
    2 %
    No : (49 votes)
    98 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    4670 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Short answer: no.

    However, if you Fiance is keen it may be worth considering!

    Post # 3
    Member
    2706 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    I wouldn’t.

    Post # 5
    Member
    504 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    If your fi genuinely wants them there I might wait until the RSVP deadline and, if you get any declines, then reconsider. 

    Otherwise I wouldn’t. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1017 posts
    Bumble bee

    If someone is the type to “hate you for life” if you don’t invite them to your wedding, then they’re probably also the type who will at the very least dislike you immensely for life if you invite them later than you invite everyone else, thereby making it seem like they’re on the B list.  I wouldn’t invite them.

    Post # 7
    Member
    211 posts
    Helper bee

    If he’d wanted them he’d have invited them in the first place. They sound like the type of people who will complain if they get a late invite anyway. I wouldn’t bother to be honest.

    Post # 8
    Member
    359 posts
    Helper bee

    This is what your fiancé needs to say to this dude: “I’m sorry, X. We made our guest list and had space limitations set by our venue. But I’m looking forward to seeing you at Y!”

    As for the people who RSVP for a kind that wasn’t invited, say something about “The invitation was only for you and your wife. Our venue is not child-appropriate because of Z reason. We can help arrange a babysitter for your child!”

    Post # 9
    Member
    1073 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I don’t see how it could make anything better. He already knows he isn’t invited. If your Fiance invites him at this point, it will be clear that it was a B list invite that was only sent to him because he complained about it. A pity invite. How is that any better? Plus, he doesn’t sound like someone you are close with or WANT to be close with, so I don’t see the point of inviting him to the wedding at all.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7416 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    There’s no need to invite them, but let’s be clear on something: the best man is kind of the asshole in this situation. The distant friends are totally allowed to feel disappointment over not being invited, and they’re allowed to talk about their disappointment to their friends (within reason — they don’t get to tell the entire town). The best man should have the good sense to not pass those comments along. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3582 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    yadayadayada :  forget about all the “if we don’t, they’ll hate us” and “if we do, it’ll be awkward” stuff. do YOU (and i mean you and FI) WANT to invite them to the wedding? if yes, invite them. if no, don’t. it really is that simple. do you want them there?

    Post # 13
    Member
    3238 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    If they were overlooked in the initial guestlist, clearly they are not close enough friends you need to have the there. It’s rude and immature to complain about not being invited to a wedding. Buddy needs to get over it.

    No, don’t invite someone to wedding because they complained. Either you want them there or you don’t. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    359 posts
    Helper bee

    yadayadayada :  In this case, then you made a mistake. In my opinion (others may disagree) if you invite any kids, you should invite them all, excluding those living outside the home. I think you’re obliged to make room for the teens.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    As for the couples RSVPing for additional people tell them that they RSVP’d for extra people and the invitation was for Mr. and Mrs. X. People should be able to have a life and go to events separate from their grown children. 

    As for the “friends” since they are your fiance’s people I think you should let your fiance handle it. My opinion is that they do not sound like (close) friends and so should not be invited, and also that an invitation at this point would be rude like an afterthought. I also think that if someone if not important enough to invite (aside from if you elope) then it does not matter if they hate you. 

    If the person who complained was friends with the best man, then I don’t think he was out of line for complaining. I think he would have been out of line for complaining TO YOU but people are allowed to vent to their friends. 

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