Someone complained to the best man that they weren't invited

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Invite them?
    Yes : (1 votes)
    2 %
    No : (49 votes)
    98 %
  • Post # 16
    13613 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    To say that it’s all children or none is absurd. Children of close family members can very properly take priority over children of other guests. What can cause hurt feelings is making exceptions for people in the same category. 

    The best man should have kept his mouth closed and the college friend who felt entitled to an invitation was extremely rude. 

    The only way I would feel at all badly about this is if your fiancé intended to invite this person, he has the same relationship to your husband as others who were invited, but it was a total oversight. 

    A big “no” to anyone writing in the names of uninvited children. 

    You possibly opened yourself up to some of this by not being as consistent as you might have been. For example, I’ve heard of age limits for young children, but never for older ones still at home. For example, I don’t see how you can justify inviting Friend A’s 10 year old and excluding Friend B’s teenager. 

    But asking for invitations is crass. 

    Post # 17
    3825 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    If these friends are on the same level as other friends who were invited and it’s more of an oversight situation then maybe I would invite them. But if they aren’t as close as the invited friends, I wouldn’t invite them just because they complained. We found out that a couple was upset that they weren’t invited, but it was too late to add them, plus it literally never crossed my mind to invite them. They were family friends we hadn’t seen in 5+ years. It’s a little awkward with them now, but it’s not like we see them often enough for it to really matter!

    Post # 18
    1246 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 1983

    I’m also side-eyeing your fiance’s reaction to this situation, which seems more jr. high than 50 years old.

    Post # 19
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    I wouldn’t invite them – they sound like the kind of people you wouldn’t want there anyway.  Was your fiancé invited to their wedding?  If so, I can see where the complaint is coming from (still shouldn’t complain), but if not, this guy doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

    My wedding is coming right up in a week and a half (eek!) and we did some late invites, latest one went out a week ago or so as a fill-in because someone on my fiancé’s side, which is already lacking in people, bailed after RSVPing yes.  The late invitee was an old college friend of his who was local to the area of the wedding (so no traveling required on his part), and they’d fallen out of touch but had previously been very close.  Fiancé had not been invited to this guy’s wedding, so there was no offense in not sending him an invite in the first round.  Fiancé was honest with what went down with other declines, and asked him and his wife wanted to come.  They said hell yeah and we send them a formal invitation almost a month after the RSVP deadline.

    I invited a friend later – I’d put her on my list originally, but my mom struck her off in an effort to optimize for family.  We’d been bonding of late over being groomswomen for a mutual friend, and we love two blocks apart, so it made sense to invite her.  I made my mom (invitation master) send one.  I told her what happened (mom struck her off list) and she was cool with a “second round” invite and told me she figured it was a smaller intimate thing so wasn’t offended by lack of invite.

    Thing was, neither of these friends complained about not getting an invite in the first round.  They didn’t expect invitations.  For the last minute invite college friend, it’ll be a great opportunity for fiancé and him to get back in touch.

    Post # 20
    1634 posts
    Bumble bee

    So the guy who complained can’t possibly know you and your Fiance are even discussing his complaint that he didn’t get invited. He didn’t directly come to you or your Fiance and ask for an invite, all he did was complain to another wedding guest. So you don’t owe him ANYTHING. If he wants an invite he should have the guts to come out and ask you or your Fiance not complain to another guest. So i would ignore his complaint and not invite him at all. 

    The couple who rsvp’d with their grown kid should be embarassed. Just reply and clarify that the invite was only to the husband and wife as you have limited space and budget. Period. They know its rude to rsvp for another person who wasn’t invited. 

    Post # 21
    3144 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    View original reply
    macbride :  I’ve gotten last minute invites a few times and it’s no hurt feelings – I was just overjoyed to get invited! In all three cases, it was friend who I’d only recently gotten to know so wasn’t close with yet, but we could tell we would end up being pretty close over time. The story was the same with all three – more RSVP no’s than expected from out of town family so they had room on the guest list to invite a few more friends that didn’t quite make first cut. All three couples I had actually met after they were already engaged. One I actually met after the first round of invitations had actually gone out lol

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