(Closed) Someone Else’s Wedding: An Invite Etiquette Question

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do?
    Wait for your paper invite : (10 votes)
    17 %
    find out the details through the grapevine since you got a verbal invite : (41 votes)
    69 %
    Plan on not going : (4 votes)
    7 %
    other option: please explain! : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    If your moms are besties, i’d probably go ahead and ask. Although it’s typically super awkward, among best friends it’s just one of those “look i gotta know and it’s okay either way” sort of things. I couldn’t see my mom not quietly asking her best friend a question like this and I don’t see her being offended, particularly if the bride had extended a verbal invitation.

    Post # 4
    683 posts
    Busy bee

    I think you should wait a bit- maybe the budget was short and you may be on the cut or B-list- which doesn’t really make sense- considering the rest of your family is invited but I would err on the side of caution. Maybe your mom can non-chalantly mention you in conversation? Eee-gads, maybe they just forgot!

    Post # 5
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I would have your mom talk to his mom.  Seems odd that you’d be invited to the shower and then not to the wedding.

    Post # 7
    2779 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I agree with the PP’s. Get your mom to ask his mom. You DO need to know because of booking hotels, etc so I don’t think it’s a question you can keep to yourself – although there is no real easy way to ask without it sounding awkward :/

    Post # 8
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Since you were invited to the shower, I’d assume they know better that you should be invited to the wedding, too, and they intended to.  I voted to wait for the invite, but then I realized that you probably need to know asap so you can book your plan ticket and hotel.  When did your parents get their invitation?  Wait if you can before it gets too hard to book a flight, and if you still haven’t received anything, then ask your mom to ask the groom’s mother.  The mail might have gotten lost, or delayed due to the holidays?

    Post # 10
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would give it a couple more days (holidays make the mail slow as molasses) and then have your mom ask. I would hope you’d be invited given your family is and you were invited to the shower and it’s not cool to have people at your shower you aren’t inviting to the wedding.

    Post # 11
    18637 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Honestly I think it would have been rude of them to invite you to the shower and not the wedding!  They want you to buy them presents but they can’t buy you dinner?  I would call them and ask about it or have your mom ask since she is friends with the groom’s mom.

    Edit: Maybe they don’t understand the etiquette that you are supposed to give all adult children their own invitation if they are over 18 and especially if you know that they are engaged to be married to someone else!

    Post # 12
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    If you have to buy airfare, then I would try to figure it out as soon as possible.

    Post # 13
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    When you ask your mom to ask his mom (that’s pretty fun, but I agree with the rest of the bees that it will work well) ask her to mention that you understand having a tight budget and that you wouldn’t be offended if they don’t have you on the list.  You just want to make sure that you make arrangements if you are invited.

    Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone was as understanding as you?  Weddings are so expensive that often good friends have to be cut from the list even against the wishes of the bride/groom, etc.  I wish more people would understand that a lack of invite isn’t a statment of your relationship…more of a statement of the bride and grooms’ budget.  🙂

    Post # 14
    16 posts

    I’ve been to a wedding where the bride sent out a scanned copy of the invite via facebook, I thought it was pretty tacky, but I cared about her so I didn’t let that get in the way of my going. 


    It’s quite possible she forgot about you.  I’ve had so many people ask me, “I’m invited right?”  and I’m afraid I will forget to invite some of them; yet, it was her who asked you, so….who knows.

    Post # 15
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I’d definitely pass word along the grapevine that your invite never arrived — then you can see what’s what!

    Post # 16
    1569 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    Invites DO get lost in the mail, it can happen! Get your mom to gather the info and find out fast. Good luck!

    The topic ‘Someone Else’s Wedding: An Invite Etiquette Question’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors