(Closed) Someone explain to me how to get married in the Church. Ugh.

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I can’t answer all your questions, but I am getting married at a church not in my home parish, my Fiance is not Catholic, and my uncle is a Catholic priest.

The parish I’m getting married at said it was fine to use their church for my wedding even though I’m not a member.  I also told them I am providing my own priest, so that eliminated me having to meet with their priest and all that stuff.  Basically I called and spoke to someone at the church and explained the situation.  The priest called me back and said I could use the church and to have my priest get in contact with him.  My priest (my uncle) took over from there.  He met with us, filled out the paperwork, had my baptism & confirmation certificates sent from my home parish to the wedding church, and coordinated the wedding time and rehearsal time.  He said this is typical for the priest who is marrying you to do, regardless of where. 

We attended pre-Cana.  My uncle recommended that program to us.  We went on a Friday night and all day Saturday.  It was held at a seminary nearby.  A married couple was in charge and they had guests speakers including other married couples and a Deacon with his wife.  They offer these pre-Cana courses year-round and there was a standardized workbook that we used in the course.  We got a certificate of completion at the end which I gave to my uncle.  He mailed it to the wedding church.

Post # 4
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

1) I don’t know what Day of the Engaged is, it might be something that is unique to this church – the church I’m getting married in had us attend a mandatory meeting and explain to us in a huge group what we needed to do to get married in the church(esentially answering all the questions you have) so they didn’t have to do it hundreds of times individually.  They also gave us pamphlets and guides and a list of requirements.

2) Precana is done by the archdiocese.  I would google precana in your area.  There should be a Family Life Office you can reach out to.

3)I’m having a guest priest preside at my ceremony and only the church needed our documents and precana certificates.  I’m almost certain that only the church needs to see them (they’ll actually want copies for their records). The preist presiding at my wedding is a family friend, so that may be why he hasn’t asked to see them.  It might be a preference of your priest to see them.

Post # 5
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MapleMoose:   I don’t think it’s typical everywhere for a guest presider to submit your documents for you.  We did it ourselves.

Post # 6
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

@Frukaj:  “Where” as in home parish or other.  Typically the priest marrying you handles that stuff (e.g. meeting with you, filling out the paperwork, coordinating times, etc), not the priest of the church you are marrying in. 

Post # 8
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@LizLemon:  One suggestion: you might have better luck with phone calls (or, if possible, an in-person visit) than email, for a number of reasons:

– It varies a lot from parish to parish, of course, but in a lot of places the parish staff might be older (longtime employees, nuns, etc.) and relatively less inured to technology.

– Also keep in mind that in a typical parish, their regular Mass schedule and programming for their year-round parishioners has to take a much higher priority for them than someone who is coming in for a one-time event. Yes, it’s frustrating, because of course your wedding is extremely important to you, but it’s just the fact of the matter that parishes are more invested in their regular parishioners than in non-parishioners wanting to use their space for a wedding. Your emails might have coincided with a big funeral, the deadline for printing the weekly bulletin, etc., and something like that is going to receive more attention.

Good luck with the rest of the planning! I hope next time you’re able to catch them when they’re a little less busy.

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