(Closed) Someone has to be uninvited. Who shall it be?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who Should I Uninvite?
    Uninvite The Cousin : (25 votes)
    31 %
    Uninvite the Friend : (7 votes)
    9 %
    Other (explain) : (49 votes)
    60 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2175 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You don’t think they can be adults about it and both couples attend your vow renewal peacefully? Is there a risk of them fighting or are you just nervous about them both being at the same event? I would not worry about them, this is your day. Send out the invites, and who knows maybe one couple can’t make it, then you have nothing to worry about. Or one couple might have to leave the party early so there won’t be any awkwardness. 

    I would send them both an invite and let them decide. If they both come, expect they will act like adults. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    5221 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Overjoyed:  I’d invite neither. I’d tell them both that because you don’t want to choose between them, you are going be Switzerland and keep the drama out of your party. That’s exactly what I’d tell my family too. I’d leave out the details. Let your cousin explain why she didn’t get invited.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1635 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    I’d invite both. They are all adults- they can choose to come or not.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3557 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    I’d invite both, and let both couples know the other couple has been invited. If they decide it’ll be too uncomfortable and don’t want to go, that’s on them. No reason you shouldn’t expect them to be adults and behave civilly for a few hours.

    Post # 8
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee

    I’m with Mrs Fry – invite them both, and leave th decision in their hands. If this drama happened recently, I’d imagine they’re still avoiding social engagements together. If not, you could always talk to them separately to ensure nothing goes awry.

    Post # 9
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    They didn’t do anything to you, their beef is between them. I’d invite both as well and tell them that eachother will be there. If they cannot put their drama aside for a night, that’s their problem. I’d suck it up for a good friend.

    Post # 10
    Member
    585 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    You don’t have to uninvite your friend. Just tell her your cousin is going to be there. Explain to her that you didn’t realize the issue between her and your cousing until after you already contacted your cousin and informed her that she would be invited. Tell her you’d like her to be there but you would understand if she didn’t want to go. Apologize, and leave it at that. She will probably choose not to come on her own. If she does decide to come anyway, what do you care? As long as she is prepared to see  your cousin, there shouldn’t be any problem. Is there something else you are worried about?

    Post # 11
    Member
    1746 posts
    Bumble bee

    I have some family members who have had a long standing feud.  My approach is to invite everyone, they know that and they can decide to show up or not.  But I don’t get involved or play favorites on that issue.   

    Post # 12
    Member
    662 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    One thing you can do is ask guests to RSVP online (they have websites for this kind of thing).  This will let your guests see the names of all the other guests attending, and if either your cousin or your friend sees the other person’s name on the “Attending” list, then they can make the decision to go or not themselves.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3169 posts
    Sugar bee

    Invite them both letting them know the other is going to be there. Let them figure it out. Problem solved! 

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