(Closed) Someone has to be uninvited. Who shall it be?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who Should I Uninvite?
    Uninvite The Cousin : (25 votes)
    31 %
    Uninvite the Friend : (7 votes)
    9 %
    Other (explain) : (49 votes)
    60 %
  • Post # 31
    2407 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    One woman sleeping with another’s husband and being invited to the same party– that is a visceral, emotionally charged situation, and goes way beyond the expectation of having a stiff upper lip, acting like an “adult” (isn’t that what got them into the mess?) and inhabiting the same party room.

    Tell each one that the other will be there. Nothing is worse than that kind of surprise, walking into a party. Then they can decide for themselves.

    I don’t see why you have to uninvite your entire extended family, just because of your cousin.

    Post # 32
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Based on the Super Bowl party, it sounds like you’ve already invited both to the same party before and they’ve worked it out. You’ve already verbally invited both, so I’d just send invites to both and let them figure it out. Don’t get too involved: least said, soonest mended. 

    Post # 33
    1261 posts
    Bumble bee

    How involved are you in this situation? If they both confide to you about it, then you could tell the cousin that you think her presence would be too upsetting for the friend so soon after the betrayal, and ask that she skip it. If you’re not really involved, keep it that way!

    Post # 34
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Talk to both before you make decisions. If they both promise to act like big grown up girls, maybe you can have them both.

    Post # 35
    2733 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Since you already invited both (did you find out about the affair after you messaged everyone?) I would just have a frank conversation with all involved and say “Look, I want all of my friends and family at our anniversary party. However, I know there are issues with you. If one or all of you think there may be any issues at the party, please respect me and my husband and do not attend. If you can all keep the peace and stay away from each other for one night, I’d love to have everyone there” (of course, have this conversation separately with each couple. not everyone together). One or both may respectfully decline the invite and problem solved. If they both accept and start problems, promptly kick them out and continue the party.

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