(Closed) Someone help me talk sense into my husband.

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 3
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@stefanielovesjamie:  Find out why he wants to move. Is it because he felt pressured into buying your current home for some reason? Is the home not meeting needs he feels that he has? Does it not feel like your “forever home” and that is something he wants?

Saving money is important, but so is having a home you are both happy with. It is (probably) the single biggest purchase that you will make and so it is important for you both to enjoy it (since it’s sucking away your money, lol).

I’d recommend a flip – do the basic upgrades or “refresh” and then buy a house that he loves and has all of the nice touches that you’re looking for. I wouldn’t want my man to be unhappy in our family home 🙁 You win because you will make money and he wins because he gets a new house. I admit, I love to flip houses so I may be a tad biased.

Post # 4
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@stefanielovesjamie:  Firstly, long time no see!
Next: I had a bit of this when my boy and I moved into our place. I showed him pictures of similar kitchen floorplans to ours with different color cabinets and counters, and he started to see things “my” way. (He just couldn’t imagine it before!)

Sherwin Williams has a “paint your room” tool that I used to kind of shade our cabinets to white and our countertops to dark grey. Currently they are beige builder grade cabinets and a blue (weird!) countertop. That helped him a ton.
I did the same for the master bathroom. We start that renovation in a month!

Post # 5
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would just tell him that you are exhausted from moving over and over and cannot stand the thought of packing and moving again right now and that you are happy where you are now. I think it’s fine to look online and dream up what you want in a future home and it’s fun! Say you’d like to stay put for a few years and then you can buy a nicer home and pay it off really fast with your savings. Is there a particular reason he wants to move? I think you mortgage sounds amazing. You could even spend some money traveling and doing other things!

Post # 7
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@stefanielovesjamie:  when i bought my house, my realtor gave me access to a site where i can see everything that is on the market in the state i live in and surrounding states. 

zillow and those other sites don’t have up to date information.  before my realtor gave me access to this site, i would use zillow and send her houses i wanted to see.  most were already sold or had contracts.  so she gave me limited access to the realtor site.  mine was called listingbook. but there are many other sites that access the MRIS listings.

after i bought my house, i thought she would cut off my access, but i still have it.  i’ve only been in my house just over a year and plan on staying for at least 7 years.  but i still look at what’s on the market in my area, what i would buy if i were buying my next home, etc. 

it’s fun to look. 

Post # 8
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@stefanielovesjamie:  I hate moving too, but there is nothing worse than feeling trapped in a house. It is hard to get into doing renos because you don’t want to be there; it doesn’t quite feel like home; and you are constantly looking at other options. It might have been the right house for that moment, but not for the long term. There’s nothing wrong with making some money off of it in the short term and using the profit to get something that you both want. It reminds me Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now, lol.

Post # 9
10360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Repaying realtor fees is not a smart move financially so soon after buying. I think you should show him the hard numbers of all the money you’d be throwing away.

Would it really have been a horrible idea to wait a month or two after the wedding? If you’re willing to waste thousands on realtor fees, new closing costs, transfer tax, inspection/appraisal fees, etc so soon, it seems as though a month or two of extra rent to find a place that truly works for you would have been the better choice.

Post # 10
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@stefanielovesjamie:  Is he a talker?  I mean, does he talk a lot about doing/buying things but not actually follow up with the idea?  My DH is constantly talking about all the toys he wants, cottages, trucks, etc.  However he never actually buys anything but fishing tackle.  Maybe he’s just a talker?

If you think he really does want to move for a good reason, hear him out.  Discuss it.  If you still think it’s silly but he’s hung up on it, maybe try and get someone he really listens to to convince him otherwise.  I can suggest things 100 times to my DH, but it means nothing until he hears it from his dad or his buddies – then it’s a good idea.  Very frustrating, but I know the game.

Post # 13
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah, I’d be super frustrated if I were you.  “Upgrade-itis” really bothers me.  

I’m not sure if anything will work but here are some ideas;

1) Agree on a timeline – for exmaple you’ll stay in the house for 3 years.  This works for women who are waiting to get engaged (sort of)!

2) Plan to renovate the house to make it more suitable to him.  For example, better insulation and windows could help with the noise issue.  Landscaping could even help (hedges, instal a babblling pond).

3) Just move and make him happy, but find a place that you’re comfortable with financially.  Also this time, ensure that your choosing a place that will make you both happy so you wont be in this situation again.

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