Post # 1
James and I closed on our first home last November. Granted, it’s not a huge home with all new appliances, but it is 1400 square feet (so plenty of room for James, myself, and our cat), has 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths, we got a fence for the yard, and it’s in a good neighborhood (albeit, noisy, because it’s a cut through road).
I love our home. We’re still in the process of decorating and making it ‘ours’, but I love it. The living room has a vaulted ceiling and it’s open (split bedroom floor plan). There are things I’d love to change about it: get new granite countertops in the kitchen and bathrooms, update appliances (we already have a double door stainless refrigerator though), and get new kitchen cabinets (or paint them!)
DH, however, is constantly talking about moving. We could afford to move, but why would we want to? Our mortgage right now is $500/month (foreclosure)! We have the ability to SAVE money! I don’t want to move right now and get something moderately better when we could save and have our dream home.
No matter what I tell him, I find him on Zillow the next day looking at houses.
I wonder if this is kind of similar to women looking at baby items/names before being pregnant (I know I’m guilty of this)? But he just keeps bringing up moving to a new home, and I honestly want to scream, “I LOVE OUR HOUSE AND DON’T WANT TO MOVE.” Lol. Any advice? I can’t get him to listen to (what I believe is) reason. It’s smarter to save money and be able to get the house we really want, if we do decide to move 5 or so years down the road. I just don’t want to pack up and relocate again (I’ve moved 3x in a year).
Post # 3
@stefanielovesjamie: Find out why he wants to move. Is it because he felt pressured into buying your current home for some reason? Is the home not meeting needs he feels that he has? Does it not feel like your “forever home” and that is something he wants?
Saving money is important, but so is having a home you are both happy with. It is (probably) the single biggest purchase that you will make and so it is important for you both to enjoy it (since it’s sucking away your money, lol).
I’d recommend a flip – do the basic upgrades or “refresh” and then buy a house that he loves and has all of the nice touches that you’re looking for. I wouldn’t want my man to be unhappy in our family home 🙁 You win because you will make money and he wins because he gets a new house. I admit, I love to flip houses so I may be a tad biased.
Post # 4
@stefanielovesjamie: Firstly, long time no see!
Next: I had a bit of this when my boy and I moved into our place. I showed him pictures of similar kitchen floorplans to ours with different color cabinets and counters, and he started to see things “my” way. (He just couldn’t imagine it before!)
Sherwin Williams has a “paint your room” tool that I used to kind of shade our cabinets to white and our countertops to dark grey. Currently they are beige builder grade cabinets and a blue (weird!) countertop. That helped him a ton.
I did the same for the master bathroom. We start that renovation in a month!
Post # 5
I would just tell him that you are exhausted from moving over and over and cannot stand the thought of packing and moving again right now and that you are happy where you are now. I think it’s fine to look online and dream up what you want in a future home and it’s fun! Say you’d like to stay put for a few years and then you can buy a nicer home and pay it off really fast with your savings. Is there a particular reason he wants to move? I think you mortgage sounds amazing. You could even spend some money traveling and doing other things!
Post # 6
It really was a pressure buy, because we were getting married the next month and we needed a house pronto (did not want to rent since he’d already been renting for years through his grandmother).We chose the house that was the best of the ones we looked at available, but it wasn’t what he really wanted. I see what you’re saying, and it makes sense. I’m definitely more logical, but I absolutely want him to love our house! I’m not against
moving, I just don’t like moving so much in one year.
Hello there, lol! 🙂 That’s a great idea. Maybe once he sees the ‘finished’ product, he’ll start enjoying the home more.
We go places all the time, and I tried to tell him that if we moved it would cut out our weekend trips almost completely. His main reason behind wanting to move is the noise level. Our neighbors aren’t the quietest, most polite people (despite the neighborhood itself being in a great location). We have cars driving by almost every night around 2-3 AM with the radio blaring, and it always wakes him up. He also dislikes that our house is located on a cut through road, so there’s quite a bit of traffic- he insists that we move before having kids because he wouldn’t feel safe letting them play around in the yard with all the traffic.
He really wants to live in the country (Southerner here, lol) on a few acres in a nice house (he wants to build a home modeled after a Victorian era home and decorate with things from today and from the past). I am ALL FOR this. But I want to do it when we have plenty in savings so I’ll feel better about making such a huge leap (buying land, building, knowing it will be our last home, etc.)
Post # 7
@stefanielovesjamie: when i bought my house, my realtor gave me access to a site where i can see everything that is on the market in the state i live in and surrounding states.
zillow and those other sites don’t have up to date information. before my realtor gave me access to this site, i would use zillow and send her houses i wanted to see. most were already sold or had contracts. so she gave me limited access to the realtor site. mine was called listingbook. but there are many other sites that access the MRIS listings.
after i bought my house, i thought she would cut off my access, but i still have it. i’ve only been in my house just over a year and plan on staying for at least 7 years. but i still look at what’s on the market in my area, what i would buy if i were buying my next home, etc.
it’s fun to look.
Post # 8
I hate moving too, but there is nothing worse than feeling trapped in a house. It is hard to get into doing renos because you don’t want to be there; it doesn’t quite feel like home; and you are constantly looking at other options. It might have been the right house for that moment, but not for the long term. There’s nothing wrong with making some money off of it in the short term and using the profit to get something that you both want. It reminds me Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now, lol.
Post # 9
Repaying realtor fees is not a smart move financially so soon after buying. I think you should show him the hard numbers of all the money you’d be throwing away.
Would it really have been a horrible idea to wait a month or two after the wedding? If you’re willing to waste thousands on realtor fees, new closing costs, transfer tax, inspection/appraisal fees, etc so soon, it seems as though a month or two of extra rent to find a place that truly works for you would have been the better choice.
Post # 10
@stefanielovesjamie: Is he a talker? I mean, does he talk a lot about doing/buying things but not actually follow up with the idea? My DH is constantly talking about all the toys he wants, cottages, trucks, etc. However he never actually buys anything but fishing tackle. Maybe he’s just a talker?
If you think he really does want to move for a good reason, hear him out. Discuss it. If you still think it’s silly but he’s hung up on it, maybe try and get someone he really listens to to convince him otherwise. I can suggest things 100 times to my DH, but it means nothing until he hears it from his dad or his buddies – then it’s a good idea. Very frustrating, but I know the game.
Post # 11
LOL yeah, definitely. We’d make substantial profit (~50k) on the house if we sold it exactly as it is without updating, because it’s already in great condition. That’s one of the things DH stresses.
LOL, he does do that. However, everything he talks about he does eventually follow through on. He said he was going to build our dogs a doghouse, and he’s done that. He said he was going to get his motorcycle on the road, and he’s done that. Everything he says he will do, he does, even if it takes him a while. So he is a ‘talker’ but also a ‘doer’. His reasons for moving (noise level, school zone, etc.) are valid ones; however, I’ve told him that it doesn’t matter until we get pregnant to worry about the school zone (the school zone we live in is a good school, but he wants our child to go to a city school and not a county school- specifically, the HS we both went to).
Post # 12
That makes sense. I’ll explain that to him. Yes, we could’ve waited, but he
was the one who wanted to buy our house. He told me he loved it, and of course I did, so we went ahead with it. I had no idea he’d have ‘buyer’s regret’ after 6 months, LOL.
Post # 13
Yeah, I’d be super frustrated if I were you. “Upgrade-itis” really bothers me.
I’m not sure if anything will work but here are some ideas;
1) Agree on a timeline – for exmaple you’ll stay in the house for 3 years. This works for women who are waiting to get engaged (sort of)!
2) Plan to renovate the house to make it more suitable to him. For example, better insulation and windows could help with the noise issue. Landscaping could even help (hedges, instal a babblling pond).
3) Just move and make him happy, but find a place that you’re comfortable with financially. Also this time, ensure that your choosing a place that will make you both happy so you wont be in this situation again.