(Closed) Someone Please Help Me!!

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

For a destination wedding, honestly it would be really hard for new parents to leave a small child behind.  It would mean finding someone to watch them for several days, so they would probably have to use a family member not just hire a baby sitter.  Your friend may or may not have someone like this they can trust, which poses her first problem.  Also, the age at which people are comfortable leaving their kids away with someone else overnight varies greatly.  Some are happy to leave babies with their grandparents, others don’t let their kids sleep away until elementary school.  It all depends on the couple.  Then, if she is breastfeeding, being away from the baby even for an evening can be very taxing; several days may be impossible.  It’s has been a matter of debate here in the past as to whether breastfeeding babies should count under “no kids” rules.

So basically what I’m trying to say is you need to be very understanding with your friend.  She may be willing to leave her child/children home and attend your wedding.  However, it is much more likely that she will not be able to do this.  I know that you want everyone to have a fun, carefree and childfree weekend, but for your friend being separated from her kids may not be fun or carefree at all.  It may mean stress, worry, and guilt.

I don’t necessarily think you need to change your plans.  You’ve been engaged for three years now, and at this point you need to pick a plan and stick with it.  There will always be someone who can’t make it, or who isn’t happy with what you choose.  But you can’t please everyone.  Tell your friend that it will be an adult atmosphere, and that while you really want her there, you also understand if she can’t leave her child.  Make sure she understands that you love her and do want her there, but that you also understand that it is asking a lot, and that you won’t be upset or hold any sort of grudge if she can’t make it.  It’s ok to be sad that she can’t attend, but it’s not ok to be angry at her for it (not that you would be, I’m sure.)  Unfortunately this is one of the drawbacks of both destination weddings and adults only weddings.  But like I said, every form of wedding has it’s drawbacks, you just have to decide what you can live with.

Post # 5
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would try to casually bring it up in conversation.  “It’s great that your parents are so involved with little Billy.  Are they planning to watch him during the wedding?”

Post # 6
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you should be prepared for your friend to say she’s not going to make it to your wedding.  If they are planning on a second child, the baby will be too young to travel at the time of your wedding (even if they conceived tomorrow).  You didn’t say how old their first child is, but they may not be willing to leave their child for a whole weekend.  My best friend got married on Friday only three hours away.  But if she had told me I couldn’t bring my baby I would have had to decline.  I’m BFing and I couldn’t be gone for that long.

As for how to bring it up, first have you invited them yet?  Formally with an invitation?  Have they RSVPed yes?  If so I would be very direct about it (so there are no surprises for either of you).  Something like “Hey are you and [husband] planning on taking the kids with you to the wedding?  We were hoping for an adult weekend, and we didn’t make plans for [kid].”  See what she says.  If she’s receptive to leaving the baby at home, you’ll know right away.  And if not, then she won’t waste money on flights and hotels that she won’t use.

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