Post # 1
I know one of the most difficult positions to be in is to have a friend or family member (anyone really!) ask for an invitation to the wedding or worse, to assume that they’re going to get an invitation. I had coffee with a friend this morning, someone I haven’t really sat down with an had a conversation with in like a year and a half, and she just point blanked asked me “Am I going to get an invitation to the wedding?”
My Fiance and I haven’t already sent out our first round of save-the-dates, and she wasn’t on it. We weren’t even planning on inviting her to the wedding at all, but her question made me feel really uncomfortable and conflicted. We used to be really close friends and we just sorta drifted apart because she went abroad to get married (she’s international), and then had a baby, and we just didn’t keep in touch really. She’s a great person and maybe she doesn’t know that you’re not supposed to point-blank ask someone if you’re invited to their wedding. She told me herself that she had a 600-person wedding (OMG!) but she didn’t have to plan it at all and most of the people she didn’t know so maybe she just doesn’t know this wedding ettiquete in the States.
I told her that we haven’t finalized the guest list (mostly true statement), but I think eventually I need to tell her that she’s not invited. I’m so not looking forward to that. 🙁
Post # 3
Were you invited to her wedding? If she had a 600 person wedding and didn’t invite you, I wouldn’t feel as bad saying that you did the number crunching and it just isn’t going to be feasible to invite everyone you wanted to.
Post # 4
I had someone ask me that, too! It’s so crazy and completely awkward!
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Yikes! That is so frustrating.
Post # 6
No, her wedding was in Korea and none of her friends who lived in the US were invited. I think in Korea weddings are more for the family and friends of family. I think she and her husband only had 50-80 friends of the 600 people at the wedding.
Post # 7
I went through this…we had a friend who assumed they were coming, and FH told her flat out she wasn’t invited. It was not good, I had to try and explain to her during her mega-freakout that we cut a LOT of people out, due to numbers, and she totally didn’t get it. Needless to say she’s not a friend of ours anymore, by her choice.
I would tell her that you are keeping the list small and it’s mostly family, and that although you’d love to have everyone there, you just can’t (for capacity and money reasons).
If she’s like our friend, and she doesn’t get it, you don’t want her around anyway. But she should understand.
Post # 8
ARGH That is pretty frustrating. Maybe you can tell her that unfortunately you can only invite your closest friends and family due to budget or venue capacity limitations?
Post # 9
OMG, this just happened to me on Saturday! Except, I was told that she plans on attending. I haven’t spoken to her in probably 2 years, aside from Facebook. We have a lot of mutual friends from college but we were never close, ever. So I saw her at a party on Saturday, at a mutual friends house, and she asked me all about the wedding. I always tread lightly here because you never know where it will end up. So at the end of the convo, she says, “yeah I’m definitely gonna go”. I was like, “oooooh…. k”. I didn’t know what to do, I texted my Fiance who was across the room and he was like, “she’s not coming!” but I felt bad. I just abruptly walked away, I know, I’m super smooth. I think maybe its a cultural thing. She’s originally from Africa, she only came to study about 9 years ago. I have no idea what to attribute this to but I don’t know what to say! If I just avoid it, since I know we won’t physically see each other for a long time, it will still be awkward when I do run into her. I thought about asking my Bridesmaid or Best Man to bring her as her date, since she recently broke up with her Boyfriend or Best Friend, that way I’m not adding anyone to the list. Ah, I don’t know!
What do you plan on saying to your friend?
Post # 10
Haha I don’t think I can tell her just family and closest friends because the wedding will prob 180-200 people, which is relatively large. But they ARE my family and closest friends… why would you invite anyone not close to you??
I was thinking about it, and I would probably extend the invitation to her but I don’t want her to have to leave her husband and baby at home, but I don’t want to invite THREE people, so I will probably not invite them.
Sigh I don’t know what I’m going to say to her. I have to think about it some more. =P
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
Haha this happened to me on Facebook! After I posted a random comment about our wedding plans, a friend of my parents responded to my update saying “we’re so excited for the wedding!” and I wasn’t planning on inviting her.
Luckily, I told my mom about it and she said she’d handle it. That conversation will be tough for you, but stick to your guns and hopefully she’ll understand that your plans are different than what hers were.
Post # 12
Ugh! I really hope this doesn’t happen to me or Office Groom! I’m sure it was awkward, and to be honest, I couldn’t imagine ever asking that question!
Post # 13
Greatday: My wedding is 250 people, and I’m not joking when I say that 210 of those are my family and closest family friends.
You don’t have to explain to her your choices.
You can tell her that you are limited based on capacity, and that you’ve cut other friends off, it’s nothing personal, and that’s that.
Post # 14
I actually had someone say this to me, not once, but TWICE:
” So I assume ________ and I can expect an invitation”
She said it the second time a few weeks after the 1st time she asked and I didn’t respond directly about the invitation.
To top it off – in this situation, it is not a cultural issue – this woman is old enough to be my mother and should know better. She was on the guest list anyway, but the way she asked just gave me the urge to say no!