Post # 1
I’m in a bit of a pickle. The guest list is set, the budgeting is firm, and my Mother-In-Law has a LOT of cousins. She was totally fine with the fact that we weren’t able to invite the ones we aren’t close with and haven’t seen in years.
One of the cousins we DID invite (we are very close, her husband is a groomsman) offered to throw us a shower for their side of the family, and mentioned that another cousin that WASN’T invited was going to help. womp womp.
I feel terrible that this other cousin obvious does care about us, and worry that she’ll be crushed if she isn’t invited to the wedding, but between her and her 3 children and husband, adding her family would mean going $500.00 over budget.
Is there any way this plays out well? Should I let her know now that she isn’t invited, even though invites don’t go out till May? Do I cough up the $500.00 because she feels closer to us that we thought, and squeeze them in? Do I kindly decline a shower from that group of people, since many of my MIL’s cousins are not invited? Help me out here bees, is there any way to be kind and still stay on budget?
Post # 2
Can you ask your Mother-In-Law for advice? It may be able in her family this is perfectly normal or she can tread the subject with them
Post # 3
I agree with PP: ask your Mother-In-Law for advice. Who knows, maybe she’ll offer to pay for them 😜
Post # 4
Agh that’s a tough one. I hate to say it but if you can afford to cough up the 500 I would totally do it. I don’t think I could handle having a bridal shower thrown by someone who wasn’t invited nor would I like to tell someone outright they aren’t invited. obviously if you can’t afford it then this solutuon won’t help much.
Post # 5
Make it a cash shower and pay the 500 more 😎
Post # 6
LOL my concern for etiquette would DEFINTELY not allow for “plz send cash!”. The idea is tempting in theory, but in practice I don’t love the idea of relying on gift money to pay for the wedding!
Post # 7
Either invite her or graciously turn down the shower. Personally, I’d turn it down because I would not be comfortable with a family member hosting in any case. It was a generous offer, though, and you’d still have to decide whether you want to invite this cousin and her family.
If the PP was serious, cash showers are not appropriate.
Post # 8
I would politely decline, either that or invite her to the wedding.
Post # 9
Do you have to invite the 3 children? Maybe compromise by inviting her and her husband – that way you don’t feel bad about leaving out someone who cared enough to host a shower, and it’s only $200 over budget.
Post # 10
I agree with PPs – I’d speak with your Future Mother-In-Law to see what she thinks. However, I still think I’d be more inclined to decline the shower all together, as it’s likely that the cousins organising it are going to invite a whole bunch of people who aren’t invited to the wedding.