(Closed) Someones trying to steal my man what should I do? (Long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Stay quiet, with FI continuing to be very attentive : (0 votes)
    Take her somewhere neutral and ask her directly if she has a thing for FI : (8 votes)
    10 %
    Get FI to speak to her to say we both feel uncomfortable with the way she's acting : (45 votes)
    58 %
    Something else.... stay with FI's brother/ another friend from our town : (25 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    Girl, kick her out NOW. Seriously. You have been way too nice and she is walking all over you. I don’t understand why you haven’t told her these things are unnaceptable (touching your Fiance, laying in bed with him, talking about jumping in the shower with you, etc.). She is either trying to take your Fiance, you, or both. It’s all very weird since she seems to be coming on to you sometimes perhaps as a way to entice your Fiance or because she likes your relationship or … who the hell cares. The reality is that this girl is bad news and she should not spend one more evening at your home!!!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1103 posts
    Bumble bee

    Yeah this girl has no confidence or self esteem. I think the next time she says or does some inappropriate (sitting on someone else’s fiance’s LAP? NOT ON) your fi needs to say “Sheryl I’m sorry but you can’t do that, I’m taken” in his most charming voice 🙂 If she doesn’t get the hint I think you can have a more serious conversation. Apart from all this I don’t think it’s inappropriate for you to ask her how long she intends on staying – this is your house & it will end up costing you money. It is ok to ask a guest these things 🙂 If she keeps up with the inappropriate behaviour it is also ok to ask her to find somewhere else to live. Once she finds work it will be easier for her to move out and she will start meeting other people and not need your fi so much. Good luck – sounds like an awkward situation all round really!

    Post # 5
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Whew!  She sounds like a piece of work!  I think it is great that your Fiance is so honest and open with you, and it is clear the issue lies with this woman.  But, I do think that your Fiance should step up and let her know more directly that she makes him uncomfortable.  Something more obvious than getting up when she sits in his lap.  You might also start making comments to indicate you can see what she is doing.  Like, when she sits on the couch where your Fiance is laying, you might say something, in a lighthearted way, that will get the hint across without embarrassing her or turning it into a drama.  She seems like someone with low self esteem and she needs attention from men to feel good about herself.  It just doesn’t need to be from your Fiance.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I’m thinking your fiance should tell her that she is making him uncomfortable.  If you do it, she may take that as a challenge.  If Fiance does it, she may get embarrassed enough to leave.  On a positive note…kudos to your Fiance for recognizing and not encouraging!  It does sound like she may be having a confidence issue but that’s no reason for trying to get attention from taken guys.

    Post # 7
    Member
    531 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I personally think its time for her to go.  She obviously doesnt respect you or your Fiance. I think you both should set her down and tell her that its best for her to look for another place to stay and maybe after speaking with the brother, and if its ok, suggest that she stay there so at least youre not kicking her ot the curb which is what I would do.

     

    Next time you see her sit that close to him, whether its the couch or his lap, tell her that there are plenty of other places to sit and that you suggest she find one!

    sorry, i am NOT a fan of this girl

    Post # 8
    Member
    4566 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    … wow. I think it’s time that she finds another place to stay. And it sounds like Fiance would have no problem with it. It really says alot about him that he is telling you about all this nonsense, but you really need to lay down the law and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1739 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    you need to kick her out… i dont trust nobody not even my mother so less my Fiance… you being to nice

    Post # 10
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    You say this is a “nice girl,” but her behaviour is not nice!

    I think your Fiance should speak to her and tell her that her behaviour is inappropriate, disrespectful of your relationship, that it’s making you both uncomfortable, and that she needs to stop or she’ll have to find someplace else to stay. He can put it nicely, but he should try to be blunt so she can’t misinterpret what he’s saying.

    She might get offended, but it sounds like this girl is at the fringes of your life, at best, and your friendship is just starting out. It doesn’t seem like losing her friendship would be too big a lose for you or your Fiance at this point. If your friendship does continue, you need to stop this kind of thing now before it gets too serious.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2765 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yah, your Fiance should not let her sit on the lap and let her clearly know that she’s making him uncomfortable.  Or if she’s wearing a bikini, he should leave the room or ask her to put something on…

    Post # 12
    Member
    824 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club

    I think you should talk to her about her actions, and if it continues kick her out.  Personally, I probably would have already kicked her to the curb.

    Post # 13
    Member
    327 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I don´t think you should kick her out, actually, I think it will be more appropriate if your Fiance talked to her about she making you BOTH uncomfortable and not giving her a chance to stay at your place any more, give her the option of calling this other two people you think she could stay with. I understand both don´t want to be rude, and you shouldn´t be, but you also don´t need to sponsor her vacations or go in to trouble to find her a place to stay… she should have though of that when she decided to go to Australia and when she disrespected both of you and your house.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3252 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I second that magenta …way to nice…she has to go!! and now!!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    Your Fi needs to tell her that she is making him uncomfortable and needs to stop flirtying with him.  Hopefully after that talk she’ll leave.

    Post # 16
    Member
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I agree w/the other posters too.

    I’d ask her to go and find another place to stay.

    Plus have you and your Fiance had a talk about healthy boundaries?  This is one such boundary that I believe needs discussing..how to handle things when you’re confronted with potential infidelity?  How does he wish to handle this?  How are you going to handle this in the future?

    Having healthy boundaries makes it easier to know what to do when things like this unfortunately happen.  Luckily, you’re not turning your head away and addressing this issue now!

    Best wishes and hugs!

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