Post # 1
I’ve been going down the internet rabbit hole regarding birth trauma stories (big mistake!) and came across an article talking about the use of something called the “husband stitch” or “daddy’s knot” – basically an extra stitch or suture made by (I’m assuming male) doctors when repairing a tear to the perineum to make things “nice and tight” for the husband for sex. (Literally the words quoted in the article.) It makes sex painful for the woman (obviously) and is done without consultation with the woman.
So this is obviously so incredibly offensive it’s not even funny. Is this a real thing to worry about? I’m terrified as it is about being bullied into an unnecessary procedure as is, and the internet is brimming about stories of women saying “no” but being ignored.
Has anyone heard of this? I can’t believe drs would really do this, but the article is from 2018 so…
ps not sure which topic it would fall under, hope “pregnancy” is all right.
Post # 2
So, I’m not going to lie, but I wonder if I had it done to me. My midwife said I only needed one stitch, and when she was done, she said she gave me two “for good measure.” 9 months postpartum, and it still feels tight during sex….
Post # 3
I have heard stories of women having poor stitches which have caused them problems. However I’m not sure this is actually something any doctor or midwife would do on purpose. I think some women, including myself, just under estimate the length of time it can take to recover.
I did wonder if I’d had some extra stitches as I felt very tight for well over a year after having my son. However, it did get back to normal so I think it just took me a while to fully recover.
Post # 4
My ex boyfriend was one of a set of twins (vaginally born), after he and his brother were born their dad told the nurse to put an “extra” stitch in there (she didn’t)… Yeah they divorced not too long after that, obviously not a charming guy
Post # 5
Jeebus I’ve never heard of this! Bees saying it happened to them or heard of it happening to people they know, is this in the US?
Post # 6
As a nurse. This is not done on purpose. If a husband requests it they will be informed that is inappropriate and may be escorted out of the room.
Post # 7
As though it would actually make a difference to the vagina :/ The ignorance of people (even midwives in the field) is baffling.
Post # 8
SeaOfLove : are you breastfeeding? I still felt a lot of discomfort until I stopped nursing at around 10 months.
Post # 9
I voted heck noooooo but before leaving a comment I decided to Google it…apparently it kinda is/was a thing? It’s rather impossible to say for sure or to know how common it was/is, but apparently back in the day episiotomies were more routine and were originally intended to be able to “restore things to their prime after birth” so to speak. Whether docs were aware of the harm it caused but did it regardless for “hubby’s pleasure”, or if it was just a miscommunication/inside joke sorta thing stemming from an ignorant “good-intended” practice, who can say? Regardless, as episiotomies have become less common and the entire mindset of performing one for the purpose of restoration isn’t even fathomed anymore (epis have a literal health function nowadays), I don’t think “husband stitches” are a thing that deliberately happens anymore. Botched stitches by accident/poor training? Sure, that’s a risk for anything…but personally I’ve literally never heard of this in the modern first world.
As for feeling pain/tightness months after recovery, that’s pretty normal, and I (a highly medically uneducated individual speaking out of my ass at this point) think the discomfort will likely subside more quickly the more often you get busy down there. I mean, it’s fresh new skin that needs to get “worked in” again, kinda? Just a theory based on my own experience, lol…
Anywho, no worries, Bee! The birth-related horror story trail is a loooong and terrifying road to go down and I really don’t recommend Googling these sorts of things while pregnant, lol…such fears are irrational when you’re in the care of highly educated and respected medical staff 🙂
ETA: Medical Bees, can undamaged skin even fuse together? Logically I’d think the answer would be “No, duh”, but then “too tight stitches” wouldn’t make much sense…? Maybe I just misunderstand how stitching perineums works.
Post # 10
Yeah, it’s a thing. A less prevelant thing as time goes by, since we now know that does literally nothing but cause pain. The vagina is the inside, and it is not supposed to be tight. That’s just fucking up the vaginal opening and causing friction pain.
Anyway. Ask your doctor about this. Gauge their response. I’d like to say know better do better but humans be stubborn. I’d wanna know how the person stitching me up feels about it, first and foremost.
Post # 11
I have at least 3 mom friends who have had this done – 1 requested it herself, 2 were told after the fact. If a doctor did it to me, there would be a lawsuit. However I also think in some cases people might think it was done to them, but really they’re just underestimating how uncomfortable sex can be after birth and how things can change down there.
Post # 12
MrsMellyBean : I am! Still waiting to see how things feel long term. I had such wonderful care, the comment took me off-guard. Then, of course, I read about the husband stitch months later.
Post # 13
MrsMellyBean : This! — I’m EBF and things still feel uncomfortable at nearly 11 months PP! It’s a great form of BC 😂
Post # 14
When my sister had my nephew the Dr. patted my Brother-In-Law on the way out and said “don’t worry I sewed her up as tight as a 16 yr old” so professional especially for a teaching hospital
Post # 15
SeaOfLove : I hadn’t considered it either but this made me think too! But as pp have said I’m still breastfeeding (7 months) and I have found the discomfort changes depending how much ‘use’ the area gets – infrequent/long breaks mean more discomfort. I assume it’s just scar tissue that stiffens back up or something…