(Closed) Something I’ve been thinking about…don’t know if it is appropriate.

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My Fiance wouldn’t have liked this at all. He would have been disappointed in not buying the ring himself. He is SOOOOO proud of this ring and the fact that he bought it and found it.  So you need to talk to him or go shopping together.  I told my Fiance that one thing he could do was buy me a fake ring to give me on the proposal and then find ours together.  But luckily we found it on a spur of the moment shopping trip.

Post # 18
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think that he may be offended if you try to buy the ring yourself especially since he already told you it was his thing…and you said its not financial right? So I think a good meeting point would be to go ring shopping together and you can pick it out and he pays for it or you go halfsies. and if you BOTH see some good deals go for it. But since your waiting is not because of finances I dont think that in your situation this would be the best decision.

Post # 19
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree with prettyflowers 100%. I think that ring shopping together is one thing, but going out on your own, buying your own ring, and then giving it to him to propose with? That’s not being proposed TO, that’s practically rpoposing to him yourself. I wouldn’t do it.

I think you just need to hold your horses and take things as they come. The perfect vintage or estate ring for you will be there when he decides he is ready to go ring shopping. I don’t think its appropriate to buy your own ring and then basically ask someone to propose to you with it. Let him have control of this situation.

Post # 20
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Also, if the waiting is not due to finances, it’s probably because your relationship isn’t at *that* point yet. Simply put, he may not be ready to be engaged. When he is, he will let you know. If he has the money now, the waiting probably has more to do with where your relationship is.

Post # 21
272 posts
Helper bee

There’s no rule that says you’re not allowed to buy jewelry for yourself, including a ring.  It just doesn’t have to be called an engagement ring.  If you see something you love and can afford it, why not just buy it and wear it as a normal ring?

Post # 23
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you want to go shopping together, than I suggest that you talk to him about that. Ask if that is something that he would be comfortable doing. However, don’t try to force him to go shopping either. He has to be totally open and ready for the experience or it will be stressful and confusing for the both of you

Post # 24
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Okay so, bottom line is that he just needs to be made aware that you are very picky when it comes to jewelry, especially since you are a jewelry minimalist and your e-ring is going to be basically all you wear when it comes to jewelry, for the rest of your life.

I think that the conversation you should have ought to go somewhere along the lines of, “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I’d really love it if you would consult me when you’re ready to buy a ring so that I can have some input because I’m pretty picky about these things. If you’re really not cool with that, because you want your proposal to be a surprise, then can you give me a temporary/placeholder ring when the time comes, and then we can pick one out together after we’re engaged?”

The temp ring doesn’t have to be anything spectacular, or even something that you’d also wear every day. You might even be able to trade it in. I totally feel you, by the way… because I am also ridiculously picky about rings and I really should probably have the exact conversation with my FF that I just reccommended to you! 🙂

Post # 25
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband proposed without a ring, and we went shopping together after he proposed.  And the money to pay for it came from my savings.  I think you can do whatever is right for the two of you when it comes to your ring, but I think that he needs to be on board and totally comfortable with it too.

Post # 26
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Talk to him and explain how you feel about rings and if you saw something you loved would he mind you buying it. See what he says. If he’s okay with it then cool and if not then you know. Instead, you can look together for styles you like.

OR… suggest to him that he propose in some other way (lots of non-American cultures do this) without a ring, and you get to pick the ring out TOGETHER. That way, the timing of the proposal and the way it’s done is completely up to him and there is no pressure on him because there is no ring.

My only worry would be that if he was okay with you picking out the ring and giving it to him, that you would be too antsy waiting knowing he has the ring.

I honestly wish my SO would propose without a ring and we could get one together. To me, that would be perfection.

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