(Closed) Something that’s been irking me…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I can see how that would bother you, just reading it made me sad for you. But just keep telling yourself it wasn’t on purpose or to spite you. You just get lost in the day and time seems to just get away from you (at least from the Recaps I’ve read here). Especially having had as much DIYing/Preparing you had to do. I think there will always be last minute touches and personalizations and I think its great that your mom took the initiative upon herself instead of tying/stressing you out and she obviously wanted you to have the best day possible. 

I hope this worry leaves your heart soon, maybe you and mom should just go have a couple pics taken, just you and her? or could you maybe talk to your photog and do another little “after the wedding” for some family shots in your gown that you didnt get? Sorry if thats a nutty idea! XO

 

Post # 4
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Awww my heart goes out to you!  I have a different perspective you might want to think about – when you say you got NO support from her all day, that’s not true!  She was out there in the trenches making sure everything went smoothly so you didn’t have to.  That might not be “standing-next-to-you-holding-your-hand” support, but it is definitely a strong show of support.  Try to focus on what she DID do, even if it wasn’t right by your side.  This is an unfortunate situation and I do feel for you, so maybe looking at the situation from a different light will help?  As for not showing excitement, I am quite sure she was overwhelmed with all of her duties and probably couldn’t take a moment for herself, let alone you.  Just try to remember all the hard work she did FOR YOU.

As for the photos, did you not do posed family portraits?  A lot of brides these days think they don’t want those and then something like this happens – they have not a single photo of them with their Mom or someone else important.  If you had posed formal portraits it’s really hard to believe you missed a photo with your mom!  Bad photographer for missing that one!

Post # 5
Member
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

From what you describe, it doesn’t sound like your Mom was intentionally avoiding you on the wedding day. It sounds like she had a lot to do, she didn’t want you to have to worry about details and the day just went by really fast. Totally understandable that it bothers you though. I like CupCakeMeg’s suggestion for a family photo shoot. 

Post # 6
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh sweetie, look at it from her perspective…. that was A LOT OF WORK!  Seriously, when people DIY everything, it makes my head spin.  When you don’t DIY everything, the day goes by so fast.  Actually, I think it was sweet of her to do all of that.  My Mom would look at me and think I was nuts to ask her to do all that for me.  Your Mom was sweet and didn’t give you any hassles! That had to be pretty stressful to DIY all of that stuff.  She did it bc I’m sure she loves you (that’s the only reason!).  But your photographer should’ve put you together for some pictures, did you hire someone?

Btw, even vendors have a full week to prepare… and that is a lot of people!  I can’t imagine it just being your Mom.

Post # 7
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

This same thing happened with my mom and I.  Afterward she mentioned we should have at least planned for her to be there to put the veil on and take a picture.  But, she worked her butt off for us… and that says Congratulations more than anything.  Maybe you could get dressed-up again and pose some pics?  Have a good friend with a nice camera take the pictures.

Post # 8
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My wedding was the week after yours.  I am feeling similar feelings.  My family came into town for the wedding, including an uncle and his girlfriend who came all the way from France!  But being the bride, I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with any one person.  I feel absolutly horrible that I wasn’t able to spend a lot of time with anyone.  My grandma, my dad, my mom, my sisters, my aunt, all these people flew so far to be there for that day.  We even had a post wedding brunch but that still had 30 people that I had to play hostess too.  I just moved to Wisconsin and miss my friends and family terribly so the fact that I wasn’t able to spend a lot of time really makes me sad.  DH and I are also not doing any major travelling for the next year.  We are getting killed by some high interest student loans I have so we are paying those down rather than traveling.  It is going to be at least a year before I get to see anyone again.  All this to say… I understand your feelings.  Something I have to remember is that it was expected.  That is what everyone I have talked to has said.  They knew that I had a lot going on and a lot of people that I had to spead myself around to.  The good thing for them is that they all got to visit and spend time with family…. I just didn’t.  I just hope they don’t feel neglected or anything like that.  I miss them though and wish I was able to spend more quality with them on such a special day.  

Post # 9
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As others have already said, your Mom was supporting you the best way she knew how- attending to all the details.

As far as not having moments with your Mom. Life is a two way street. Did you seek her out for pics or to share special moments? Or is this all on her, in your mind?

Post # 11
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I definitely feel bad for you, but I also feel bad for your mom.  I’m sure she would’ve rather spent time with you but she had projects instead.  Sometimes I think DIY can make things so much more complicated.  I’m sure your mom is bummed too… just talk to her and see if you can get some additional photos taken.

Post # 14
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@napabridekelsey: i have a little idea for you…. i know it’s not the same but get you dress out and get your mum dressed up and go for a photoshoot maybe even at your venue…. i’m sure they would allow this probably free of charge…. not a solution i know 

Post # 15
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

jjmomma just realise this has already been mentioned … it;s late here in the uk lol 

Post # 16
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You’re not the only one.  I only have a couple photos with my mom as well.  We are VERY close and I was expecting a big heartfelt tearfest, especially since I was the first one to wed of three girls (and I’m the youngest).  I think our moms were just overwhelmed by it all.  Probably trying to ensure everything went smoothly logistically that she just kinda forgot about it emotionally.

I told my mom I was upset that she didn’t do anything more special or spend time with me and then she was hurt I felt that way and she couldn’t fix it.  She typed a mushy note on my website that morning of the wedding that I kinda glazed over because I was expecting a mushy card.  For us, it was a misunderstanding of expectations.  As daughters, we want these heartfelt moments with our mothers, as mothers, they want to ensure everything goes perfectly for their baby girls.  I’m sure she put out a ton of fires that day and if she wasn’t there to fix it for you, things could have gone really crazy, at least that’s what my mom did.

My mom’s a procrastinator too so back to the expectations thing, she’s procrastionated my entire life (even had me 7 years after my other 2 sisters) so I couldn’t expect her not to procrastinate just because I was getting married.  And the week before, there may have been other surprises that came up that she had to address.

I completely understand why you’re upset, and you can’t even express it to others because it makes you sound selfish.  The other thing I try to focus on is even though I don’t have a romantic comedy or style me pretty worthy moment with my mom on my wedding day, I still have her.  There are many women that either didn’t have a mom or a mom’s help, so for that I am eternally grateful. 

Another thing to consider is to take her to brunch and you two can think about all the fun parts of your wedding and you can tell her thanks for everything she did and how much she means to you.  It won’t replace those kodak moments from your wedding, but it’s still a memory worth making.

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