(Closed) Something wrong with me?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 1
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My boyfriend really wants to go on a cruise with me… But I am in no financial position to do so. I am graduating in May, and he told me his parents already offered to pay for my cruise ticket (as a graduation gift from them). First of all I feel weird taking such a huge gift from them (especially since it will overshadow the gifts my parents can afford for me)…

But secondly he asked his parents without consulting me and already researched a date that will not work for me. I may be going back to school in the fall, which he knows about, and yet he still was looking at a cruise in October.

A few weeks ago he mentioned me going to France ( he goes for work) with him in August, which is also a bad time for me because that is the month that  I make the most money at the restaurant I work at. He knows that I cannot take a week off of work (lose about $1500) AND pay for myself to go to France… So he suggested his parents pay for my flight ticket. Again, too big a present for graduating (at least when you compare it to my family’s gifts), but I also can’t afford the loss/expenses once there! 

Part of me feels like I am making excuses… But part of me feels like my boyfriend is not really considering what works well for ME. He just seems to use what worls for him. We’ve had discussions about each option, and I’ve told him that the times just don’t work for me… But I have not mentioned how grand I think the presents are. Should I tell him I cannot accept these gifts because of the money? Should I be grateful for these opportunities and pick to go on one?

I think because I feel my boyfriend didn’t take me into consideration when making these plans, and only focused on what works for him, I feel quite annoyed. So whenever he offers to change an aspect of the plans, I just get annoyed and shut the whole idea down. He got offended at me tonight because I told him I didn’t look at the cruise online anymore… I was spending 10 hours on my thesis today!!

I really have better things to do right now than worry about a vacation I can’t even afford… And the way my boyfriend is shoving them down my throat is really annoying me. I know I should be grateful for these opportunities… But I can’t afford them, and even when they are paid for, I lose money by going…and I’m just annoyed!! Plus my boyfriend has gone on 2 cruises in the last three years… It’s not like he hasn’t had a vacation recently! I’m just not used to living such a luxurious life… And the way he places emphasis on it really irks me. Especially when he complains every day about not having enough money… And yet he wants to go on another $2000 cruise?!? Put your priorities in line, buddy!!! 

Thanks for reading… If you made it this far, I commend you! Haha. Basically it all boils down to I like to save money… And my boyfriend likes to spend money…

Post # 3
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@kendra389:  I do not think there is a single thing wrong with you. You are being incredibly responsible with your time and money. Sit down with your boyfriend and calmly tell him what you’ve typed out here about your responsibilities and misgivings about going. Don’t let it turn into a fight, and don’t just shut down. 

 

Would you be open to a compromise of sorts? How about planning for a winter cruise in between semesters or something over spring break? You can tell your family ahead of time that you’re saving for it, and that way they’ll also be able to contribute to your ticket as well as his parents. Plus that way, his parents can dial back their gifts to just part of the ticket cost and not out-do your parents. I feel like it’s great to be responsible, but you should allow yourself nice things and experiences every once in a while. 

Post # 4
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@HisMoon:  You just made me feel 1 million times better, thank you so much! Because we are currently LDR until I go back home from school, it’s hard to have a conversation with him over the phone about it… I feel like he just gets angry when I don’t act excited about the whole ordeal. Perhaps I can Skype with him tomorrow… Or have a much calmer phone conversation.

Literally, he got really upset with me tonight (for not looking at the cruise online at all today)and so I told him I could not discuss the matter currently. I told him I wanted to go to bed… To which he responded with “is this one of those times you’re going to call me back in two minutes and apologize? “… And I said “no, have a good night. I love you” and hung up on him. I don’t need him to be rude to me just because his plans don’t work with my schedule. Unfortunately now I have to wait until tomorrow to talk to him…or else it is one of those times I call him later, lol

Post # 5
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@kendra389:  Haha! I’ve definitely had those kinds of phone calls before in a previous LDR. I think you should give yourself the night off from worrying about it and just wait til tomorrow. What’s one day, right? That way, too, emotions aren’t still close to the surface, which is always helpful. Get some rest and let him have time to realize that it’s not cool to be rude to you like that.

Post # 6
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you’re being very reasonable and responsible.  If he was paying for the vacations for him and you by himself that would be one thing, but the fact he just freeloads off his parents for you guys would not be okay with me.

I think he should be more considerate of your feelings. Just have a calm chat about how everything makes you feel and how you’d like to proceed.  At the end of the day, I think he means well and just wants to share a nice vacation with you. 

The topic ‘Something wrong with me?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors