(Closed) something you never want to happen…

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@missmouse29: I think I feel that same way.

For a baby, I think I would want him to choose me. For a child and up, I’d want my husband to choose the child. 

Post # 33
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d choose my child over my husband and would hope he’d do the same.

Post # 34
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would choose my significant other…tho my view is probably skewed because I don’t want children and can’t have them.  My Fiance feels the same.

Post # 35
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly – there is a big difference to me between choosing between a mother and baby during childbirth and choosing between a mother and child in the car situation.  I know that parents bond with a baby in the womb but that bond and relationship isn’t the same as the bond and relationship with a child you’ve been living with and raising for 2, 5, 10, etc years.

In the childbirth situation,  DH would choose me and I’d want him too.  The loss of our baby would still be horrible but we could get through it together.  In the car situation, I’d want him to choose our child.  I really don’t think the two situations are the same at all.

Post # 36
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My husband and I have argued over this, actually.  (Which is pretty strange, considering we don’t plan to have kids!)

He said he would save me.  I told him he should save the child.  This may just be my primitive reptile brain, but I think it would be incredibly difficult for me to get over the fact that he abandoned our son or daughter.

ETA:  This all assumes there’s an actual infant, toddler, teen, etc.  The calculation changes for me when we’re talking about a potentially fatal pregnancy or birth. 

Post # 37
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

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@Mrs.KMM:Agreed!

Post # 38
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Mrs.KMM: I’m soooo not arguing with you, but you bring up points I want to discuss 😀

You think that the bond with a newborn isn’t the same as with a child (and others think this too) and as a mother, I disagree. It’s not just the bond from carrying the baby for 9 months, it happens as soon as you push that kid out. The need to put my daughters life before my own happened THEN. It only got stronger once they got older, if that makes any sense 🙂

Post # 39
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

We’re talking about a childbirth decision, right? He’d better choose me over a baby he doesn’t know yet!

In the car situation, I don’t know what he’d do. I don’t know what I’d do. I can imagine I would choose my child over myself, but I’m not sure which choice I’d make if it were my husband or my child, and I can’t guess what choice he’d make. I hope none of us ever have to make a choice like that.

Post # 40
Member
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

if he was to choose me im guessing we both would be messed up for a long time afterwards and i wonder if the marriage would survive.  i hear alot of marriages fail after a death of a child 🙁

yes we hadnt physcially bonded with the child but emotionally it had been part of us/me for 9mths so that just doesnt go away

 

Post # 41
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

as selfish as it sounds in the newborn case I would choose myself to live and so would my Fiance..but d*mn lets just hope it never happens D:> my only solace would be that my baby would go straight to Heaven

If it was the car thing and we’d already had/bonded with our child..then I have no idea. I imagine we’d choose the child to live.

Post # 42
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@Belle2Be: I understand what you’re saying and I don’t disagree with it.  But what about your husband?  I’m sure he’d say that he’d put your life before his and that he’d put your child’s life before his.  But would he put your life before your newly born child?  Or vice versa?  That’s really what the question is asking.

I think most husbands would put their wife’s life before their newly born child and, honestly, I feel like I agree with that choice.

Post # 43
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper

I feel that either choice is right here. It is really a very personal decision. 

So many of you said that you can have another child/adopt. Well, by the same reasoning, couldn’t you also remarry? I just know that after carrying a child for nine months, I could not live with myself if saving my life caused his or her death. 

I’m not trying to start a fight or any of that. Like I said, it is a personal choice and I don’t think anyone could possibly condemn anyone else for either option here.

Post # 44
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

When it comes to an unborn child, my husband would probably save me. At least I hope he would. I know there’s still bonding that occurs during the pregnancy, and it would still be an absolutely horrendous choice to have to make, but I’m about 99% certain we would both pick my life in that situation.

If it was like the situation that

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@iHeartTwinkies: mentions, I would want him to save our child.

Those are just my own thoughts. I feel this is one of those things where there is no choice that’s more right or correct in any way, and I would never judge anyone for choosing differently than I would.

Post # 45
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

At 6 months pregnant I find this thread to be upsetting. I thought this was a wedding mishap thread.

But, I’ll continure with a comment. I think my husband would choose me over our baby. That said, it doesn’t make me feel good,  and I don’t look at it as some kind of sweet sign of his undying love for me. It would be an absolutely horrible decision. We love our daughter so much even though she isn’t “here” yet. I mean, to me she is here, but to everyone else I’m just a girl with a bowling ball in her stomach. Also, I don’t think anyone in this situation would think “oh we’ll just have another kid later”. I don’t think it’s that black and white-although I guess it may seem that way if you aren’t a parent or have never been pregnant. But I do agree with everyone that the husband would choose his wife-I just don’t see that thought process being a factor

Post # 46
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

For the record, I do have a child and if he had to make this choice at birth, I would want him to choose me. It’s sad to lose a child (I’ve had miscarriages) but there is always a chance to get pregnant again. To me I am looking at the after effects. Single parenthood is not easy and he may have all the support in the world if he chose the baby over me, but that wouldn’t last forever.

In the car situation, I would want him to save our child.

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