Post # 47
To me, it’s not about whether a child is “replaceable” or whether Fiance loves me more than an unborn child, etc. When you marry, you’re promising to put that person first in your life, and that includes above children. So to me, it makes perfect sense if Fiance chooses me. Either way, it would be a devastating choice that I pray we never have to make.
Post # 48
Just asked my Fiance and he was like “holy hell woman WHY DO YOU ASK SUCH MORBID QUESTIONS”
But he also said he would have to make the decision in the moment & I’m surprisingly fine with that. Maybe because I know the aftereffects on a couple when they lose a child?
Post # 49
I just asked my fi and he said the child, in both the car situation and labor situation. I’m actually kind of hurt by it…. I woudl think he would save me during labor… ohhh well
Post # 50
So your husband is right. I would always chose my wife over the child not just because of the reason stated below, but also because as a new life the baby has a better chance of living through that situation. Rarely is there a chance that the mother has a better chance.
The fact is you can always have more children. You only get really one shot at having a spouse. In my experience remarriage is typically worse for both people involved just because they both wonder about how things would have worked out had their spouse not died or had they not gotten divorced. My mother died when I was young and my dad got remarried things were never the same for either of them. I’ve heard my step-mother admit that she wonders what things would have been like had her husband not been a drunk. While my dad isn’t that heartless and has never said that he wonders how life would have turned out had my mother not passed on it is easy to see in his eyes. Anytime that is there in any marriage it puts a strain on things. There is nothing like that first time, nothing like that first puppy love, nothing like the first proposal, nothing like that first marriage, and equally nothing like that first time in the labor process for both people involved. The biggest difference between the last two mentioned is you can always have another child, but nothing will replace your first spouse and their role in your life.
As for the whole car situation…well my daughter even though she’s six months old it is easy to tell she is determined to do whatever she has to do on this Earth. That is important to take into consideration; she is young and has fight left in her. Not saying that my wife doesn’t, but she is older and therefore there is a different amount of fight left to live. I love my daughter, but she comes after my wife in my life. Choosing to love someone is a lot different then the love felt for a child.
Post # 51
Read Nicholas Sparks “The Choice” !
I won’t spoil it for you, but the whole premise is along the lines of this thread.
Post # 52
sounds like a good read, I’ll have to pick that one up, I love to read the Nicholas Sparks books!
I guess I didn’t think about what if the child was already born, i can’t say what either of us would do in that situation, since we have no children now.
Post # 53
I’m not a mother yet, but Fiance and I plan on having children. I’ve been reading through all the responses, and it seems like most of those who already have children would choose their child over their partner, and those of us who don’t have children yet would choose our partner. I can’t make up my mind, I just hope we’re never put in this situation.
Post # 54
I need to ask my DH about this. I’m posting so I have a reminder to remind me to ask him.
Post # 55
We don’t have kids and for me personally, i would hope my hubby saves our child. I don’t quite follow the you can have more kids mantra. Losing a child is hard enough, but knowing that one of us basically made the choice to let that child die, is probably something that would be hard to put behind us in order to have more kids. This is just my personal opinion, i get that it may not be this way for everyone, hence alot of people who would say they’d save their partner.
Post # 56
@Happy_Sadist: “The fact is you can always have more children. You only get really one shot at having a spouse. In my experience remarriage is typically worse for both people involved just because they both wonder about how things would have worked out had their spouse not died or had they not gotten divorced.”
Um, I respectfully disagree strongly with those statements. There are many of us encore brides here who have found happiness the second time around and never looked back or thought “what if”. Death of course is a different scenario than divorce. Even in the case of a deceased spouse though, I do believe in second chances for love. Personally, my life would be empty and miserable if I lost my spouse, but I’d have to find a way to go on living. I can’t say the same for if I lose a child. That would absolutely crush me and take away my will to live. Children are not replaceble commodites that having another one would make up for a lost child. And I’m saying all this without even having kids.
Post # 57
I totally agree with you about the situations being completely different.